First off, I want to thank you for taking your time to read this.
I was married for 13 years to my first husband, we had 3 children together who is now teenagers, we went through a nasty divorce due to adultery on his part. I spent two years alone, I was married young and decided that my life should be a party when my children was gone with their dad on the weekends that was scheduled for him. The party scene eventually got boring to me, I wanted something out of life and to make my life with someone who could love me for me and accept my children.
I met my now husband online. When we first met he was still married, going through a divorce and had a wife who had cheated on him as well. When I had spoken to him about the way that we had met I had said to him that Maybe God brought us together, to which he agreed with me. After moving in with me, I noticed things about him, he then fessed up that he didn't believe in God at all. At this time, I was pregnant with my 4th child, his child, only after knowing each other for a month, I jumped into this relationship so desperate for someone who would love me and my kids. Our relationship was and has been tumultuous to say the least.
During the birth of our child, I had to have an emergency C-section and literally felt as if I was dying, being a nurse, I recognized the Blood pressure being low, the medications given to me to help raise it, and then our son had to go the NICU directly after being born, I only got to see him once before he went. All of this caused great Anxiety that continued to build within me, It caused me to have extreme postpartum issues. He didn't understand, I turned to God, I cried out on my knees daily, I was just barely surviving and really unsure of how I was going to make it. I didn't want to live. It was too hard. I spoke with my mom and we talked a lot about God and the trials that we go through in life, the storms that we face, the courage to trust and overcome. I couldn't talk to him about any of this because to him, all this was crap. He didn't and couldn't believe in something that seemed so far fetched. For me, this is heartbreaking. How could he not love something so perfect as Jesus Christ, for a few years, there has been mocking of God in my home and many arguments to say the least, I know that is not how God would want me to behave, I know I should display a Christianly image. The problem is my Anger towards him, the things that are said on an emotional level that has been abuse in our marriage, not only with God, but with the rearing of my older children.
I am at a cross roads today, I no longer want to be intimate with someone who mocks the man that I love the most, the man who went to the cross for me. I want to run from my husband, flee and want to be free of him, our son loves his father so very much, the problem is, is that I don't love him. I'm not sure if I have ever loved him. Now the problem is... is that I can't divorce him unless Adultery is committed, not on my part but his. I pray that he could turn to God, to look for salvation, for myself not to worry daily about him due to the atheism that he believes in, my husband is a police officer and puts his life on the life daily. I can't bare the thought of something happening to him and knowing where he will end up. I have distanced myself, we have zero friendship or loving relationship, we just live like room mates except when he wants sex, which is a huge chore for me, and I mean a huge chore, I don't think that this life is fair to either one of us. I just don't know how to live like this anymore, I need advice please. Thank you for reading this.
I was married for 13 years to my first husband, we had 3 children together who is now teenagers, we went through a nasty divorce due to adultery on his part. I spent two years alone, I was married young and decided that my life should be a party when my children was gone with their dad on the weekends that was scheduled for him. The party scene eventually got boring to me, I wanted something out of life and to make my life with someone who could love me for me and accept my children.
I met my now husband online. When we first met he was still married, going through a divorce and had a wife who had cheated on him as well. When I had spoken to him about the way that we had met I had said to him that Maybe God brought us together, to which he agreed with me. After moving in with me, I noticed things about him, he then fessed up that he didn't believe in God at all. At this time, I was pregnant with my 4th child, his child, only after knowing each other for a month, I jumped into this relationship so desperate for someone who would love me and my kids. Our relationship was and has been tumultuous to say the least.
During the birth of our child, I had to have an emergency C-section and literally felt as if I was dying, being a nurse, I recognized the Blood pressure being low, the medications given to me to help raise it, and then our son had to go the NICU directly after being born, I only got to see him once before he went. All of this caused great Anxiety that continued to build within me, It caused me to have extreme postpartum issues. He didn't understand, I turned to God, I cried out on my knees daily, I was just barely surviving and really unsure of how I was going to make it. I didn't want to live. It was too hard. I spoke with my mom and we talked a lot about God and the trials that we go through in life, the storms that we face, the courage to trust and overcome. I couldn't talk to him about any of this because to him, all this was crap. He didn't and couldn't believe in something that seemed so far fetched. For me, this is heartbreaking. How could he not love something so perfect as Jesus Christ, for a few years, there has been mocking of God in my home and many arguments to say the least, I know that is not how God would want me to behave, I know I should display a Christianly image. The problem is my Anger towards him, the things that are said on an emotional level that has been abuse in our marriage, not only with God, but with the rearing of my older children.
I am at a cross roads today, I no longer want to be intimate with someone who mocks the man that I love the most, the man who went to the cross for me. I want to run from my husband, flee and want to be free of him, our son loves his father so very much, the problem is, is that I don't love him. I'm not sure if I have ever loved him. Now the problem is... is that I can't divorce him unless Adultery is committed, not on my part but his. I pray that he could turn to God, to look for salvation, for myself not to worry daily about him due to the atheism that he believes in, my husband is a police officer and puts his life on the life daily. I can't bare the thought of something happening to him and knowing where he will end up. I have distanced myself, we have zero friendship or loving relationship, we just live like room mates except when he wants sex, which is a huge chore for me, and I mean a huge chore, I don't think that this life is fair to either one of us. I just don't know how to live like this anymore, I need advice please. Thank you for reading this.