Marriage affair - please help

Good friendships are deeply satisfying. Sex can be very bonding. Thus, you both find friendship plus sex very appealing.

Cutting the relationship dead is sensible. But there are other issues you need to really look at and work through so that sex can have its rightful place in your life.

John
NZ

singpeace said:

Dear NeedingGrace,

Regardless of how ashamed of yourself you may be, or how disgusted you are with the affair, you need to take responsibility and face the end head on.

The very first thing I would recommend is that you go get in a prayer closet, with your sin open before God, and humble yourself before him. Confess your sins openly to him and ask for his forgiveness. Seek his heart with your whole heart. Make your covenant of repentance with the Lord Jesus Christ and let his blood take over and let your sins leave you.

Tell your affair partner it is over. Give him the best reason there is; "because I have sinned before God, and He has forgiven me and given me a second chance. I don't want to live in sin with guilt and shame anymore."
Cut off every single form of possible communication. Phone numbers should be blocked as well as emails and instant messenger services. After you have had the "we're breaking up" talk, say nothing more. Do not answer phone calls, read emails, send messages, have mutual friends as a go between. Absolutely none of this should take place. If you leave even one avenue of communication open it can come back to haunt you later.

The next step is to rid yourself of any and all items which link you to your affair partner. Love notes, trinkets of affection and other items should be tossed out with the garbage. If the affair was lengthy enough that you rented an apartment or other such meeting place, let the lease go. You must get rid of it all, in order to have a successful break.


Matthew 5:27-28 (CEV)
You know the commandment which says, "Be faithful in marriage."
But I tell you that if you look at another woman and want her, you are already unfaithful in your thoughts.

Psalm 119:6, 80 (CEV)
Thinking about your commands will keep me from doing some foolish thing.
Let me truly respect your laws, so I won't be ashamed.

Galatians 5:16 (CEV)
If you are guided by the Spirit, you won't obey your selfish desires.

Proverbs 22:4 (CEV)
Respect and serve the LORD! Your reward will be wealth, a long life, and honor.

Isaiah 30:19
The LORD God is waiting to show how kind he is and to have pity on you. The LORD always does right; he blesses those who trust him.

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Triple AMEN!!!

Hello NeedingGrace,

I have a sister in law who fell into the same type of sin. She fell into the affair multiple times as well. It took her lot prayer and pain to realize that the affair was poison to her soul.

The man who seemed like he filled a void in her life, quickly went on the war path to destroy her professionally. She seeked God and slowly let go of control of her life to the Lord. She was a very controlling woman so it wasn't easy at all for her.

Today her marriage is a spiritual battle ground with unsaved husband. He is tortured by what happened. Yet the Lord is giving her the strength and comfort to fight for husband and son.

NeedingGrace, I shared this with you to let you know that you are definitely not alone. Also that there is hope to break the vicious cycle.

I want to encourage you to shun(flee) from this evil.

1 Peter 3:11(AMP)(bold added)
Let him turn away from wickedness and shun it, and let him do right. Let him search for peace (harmony; undisturbedness from fears, agitating passions, and moral conflicts) and seek it eagerly. [Do not merely desire peaceful relations with God, with your fellowmen, and with yourself, but pursue, go after them!]

Matthew 5:29-30 (NKJ)
29 If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.

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Whatever leads you back to the road of destruction, REMOVE IT! If you have to loose your phone, computer, some friends, even a job. Cut it off. Don't give in or entertain the feelings you have or the advances of this guy. Flee/shun them and run to the Lord.

Bring all the hurt, the painful nights, the tears, you have to the Lord. He is always there, always listening. Talk to him, as if he were in the room with you. Let him know what you are going through and how you feel. Jesus knows your heart better than you do, for it is an open book to him. God cares so much about you, that if you hang in there. Just like my sister in law, you will be free and a new creation. God can make something beautiful out of your life, if you hang in there with him.

My wife and I will be praying for your family.

have been involved with a married man for 5 years

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Dumb
HIV
Vows
Hurting Innocent people

Many reasons to just STOP, but the main one if because you KNOW it's wrong.

NeedingGrace said:

Please pray for me.

I have been involved with a married man for 5 years. I was not married when we met.

Everything surfaced (his wife found out [she forgave him and they are still together]) about 18 months after we started seeing each other and we stopped seeing each other as a result.

I pursued my relationship with God then, got really involved in church again, met someone and got married.


About 9 months after it ended, we somehow ended up starting back it up again with me now being married. We started bumping into each other in places and then started talking on the phone again, texting, meeting for chats and other things started to happen as well.

It got too much for me to handle and one of his workmates approached me, asking if anything was going on again and I just burst out and told him everything. This stopped the relationship again. The man’s workmate is a Christian so has been trying to hold him accountable and also help the man involved through this. The man involved did not admit to the sin this time though.

When it stopped, I fell pregnant a month later to my husband and now have a little boy.

Just before I had my little boy he started calling me again, just as friends. The problem is we get on very well as friend’s, we have a lot in common and heaps to talk about. We love each other’s company.

We are now talking a lot and have been meeting but we are both church going Christians. We both know this is wrong, we both want to stop it...well I think he does, he says he does. The lies and deception are grinding me down and distancing me from God.

We want to stop this but we just keep falling back into it...I do not know what to do. It’s like this thing has a hold over me and even though I feel as if I’m freed from it from time to time, it keeps coming back.

I know I will be likely be judged by posting this but this is something I am truely struggling with and I very much want to be done with it...I just don't know what's wrong with me for even doing this. If anyone can help me with this, I would be very appreciative. Any advice that is going to help please...

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It's really simple...You need to just make the decision to stop...I think you need to talk to your husband also. You need to be honest with him. If you don't you are living a lie. But first you need to just break off all ties, all communication, everything with this other man. It's pretty cut and dry.

Johnnz said:

Good friendships are deeply satisfying. Sex can be very bonding. Thus, you both find friendship plus sex very appealing.

Cutting the relationship dead is sensible. But there are other issues you need to really look at and work through so that sex can have its rightful place in your life.

John
NZ

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Well said!