Lot's of burden...

She's confused about herself. She had a very hard childhood and she's always been insecure about herself, as she put it. Being with me gave her a huge boost of confidence, but she feels I can't always be there for her or I might not always be, so she's trying to make herself stronger and boost her own confidence.

But she has a lot to be proud of concerning herself. She's very smart, beautiful, she likes to help people and she's a very good listener. She's an amazing person but can't see it because according to her, she doesn't "know who she is". It might not make much sense, but that's the only way she could explain it. Personally, I think she tried to come up with as many reason's as possible to justify what she did.

Some of them she has valid points on, but some of them I just don't agree with. I know that she wasn't happy with me sometimes because lately, I haven't been a happy person, and when we talk that brings her down a lot because she has no control over my situation. Yet, I know that me and her have been happy together.

She also said she had no desire to come here to visit me. Now before all this, she tried to talk me into going to her new apartment she got by her school (she goes to school out of state), instead of her coming here. And the more I think about it, the more I'm beginning to wish I had done that.

She doesn't really have the money to spend on a plane ticket because she NEEDS that money to buy stuff for her apartment and other school supplies. Not to mention, I'm unhappy at home myself. She would be stressed out here just as I would be. Well, I'll discuss all this with her when we talk after the weekend, but those are just my thoughts.

And thanks for talking to me, I know this might not make much sense to you on why I'm even bothering, but I love her a lot. I realized a lot of things after she did this, about myself too. I mean, I haven't exactly been a great boyfriend, I could've tried a little harder to not let everything here get to my head.

Well friend, I'll be sure to keep you updated.

Well, she just ain't the type. She really IS confused. I could be wrong, and she could be "scooping out another guy" as you say, but somehow I don't think so. She's practically freaking out and I wish I could help her, but she wants to try to do this on her own. Another thing is, she's never even kissed a guy before she met me. She's always disgusted with how people just go out and have sex with strangers and what not. My friend had a friend at one point and the two of them decided to have sex with each other, when I told my g/f she was disgusted. So there's a lot of reaons why she WON'T do that kind of thing.

Not to mention she used to have clinical depression, and from what I know, it's one of those things that never really go away. It was really serious with her when she was younger, but she's gotten better, but she's been worried for the past few months that it was coming back. That could be a BIG factor in it.

As for long distance thing, we've been doing it for two years successfully until now. Heck, we both know plenty of people who have been long distance and then they end up getting married. There are some people in this very forum who met here, dated, and got married eventually. Long distance can work, it just takes two.

EDIT: Oh as for her "finding herself", I brought up the exact same thing you did about her not being able to do it over a weekend. She just wants space, because me and her practically talked everynight. Granted, we didn't always talk for a long time, it was like that most of the time. And sometimes we couldn't talk at all because we had things going on. But she just wants to reassure herself that she doesn't feel obligated to calling me or something, its' like she wants to build up a genuine DESIRE to call me, you know what I mean? That's just how I see it though.

Well, I just sort of see where she's coming from. Now I don't agree with EVERY reason, but I do see what she's saying...sort of. And I don't have anything in control, I just sort of feel...reassured. I feel like me and her can work things out if she'll give us the chance.

I don't see how they're not good for me. I know she has problems, but just because you have problems doesn't mean you leave someone you love behind. The thing is, she's had this type of confusion even before we met from what I know of her (and I like to think that I know her well).

People just get confused sometimes, it happens and it espicially happens to people who have had clinical depression. I don't know much about it and I could be wrong, but I'm sure it's the type of depression that really doesn't go away. I don't know if it has anything to do with it at all, even if it doesn't, people get confused about themselves sometimes. What she doesn't realize is, it's OK to have someone there for you, it's OK to rely on someone.

That DOES NOT mean that she can't fix herself as she puts it. It doesn't mean she can't figure herself out. You know, let's say she leaves me for good right? What will she do if this happens in her next relationship? What if it happens again? If this has been re-occuring in her life, I'm sure it WILL happen again. I just wish she'd let me talk to her instead of pushing me away, it's ridiculous. She's trying to be tough and independent, and its' fine for her to be independent, but there's NOTHING wrong with going to someone for advice or someone to listen to, there's NOTHING wrong with having someone try to help you figure it out, espicially someone your close to.

She's trying to forget all her problems but this isn't how you solve them, all it does is make more problems. She says she wants to be single for now, but I gurantee that soon down the road, she's going to get lonley. She's going to want someone. And I'm so frustrated because I don't think she realizes this.

That's my venting for the night.

Lol, she's not my wife Who knows, she may be using her illness as an excuse, or she may really be affected by it. I've never had clinical depression, so I wouldn't know, but I do believe it's a real illness. Either way, I wanna be there for her. One other thing that I wish she'd realize, is that college isn't going to fix her, college is NOT going to help her "find herself".

I don't know why people put college on such a high pedestal. If you wanna do some soul searching, if you wanna find yourself, read the Bible or something, don't expect college to fix it. College is there for education, so we can learn to prepare us for our chosen career. It's not to find a boyfriend/girlfriend, it's not to find a husband/wife, and it's not to "discover" yourself.

This is partially how I view the situation: I think that she has some issues with me that we both need to work out together, in fact, I KNOW there are some issues with us. I'm also very confident we can get through it and fix them, because we have before in the past. Then there's the problem she has for herself. Now I know that she loves me, I feel that deep down in her heart amidst all the confusion and chaos, there's still a lot of love for me and she just has to trust me.

I can be there for her when she needs help or advice, I can listen to her concerns. I'm not the only one, she's got some great friends that are good listeners too, but this should reassure her that the people she loves are there for her. She's been confused before and she's figured it out. Maybe not completely, but she gets past it and that's what matters. Dwelling on it will only make it worse I think.

But she wants to fix this on her own. And that's where I think the core of the problem is. I believe that she CAN fix it, but I also believe it's healthier and in her better interest to count on the people she cares about and that care about her to help her through it. She can do it, but having support will help a lot. That's just how I view it though.

She is a loving woman, and your right, she is making everything on her timetable which is ridiculous. But no one ever said love is easy Once we're able to talk we're going to have a lot to discuss.

FYI: I have never ONCE blamed this on my depression.

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I never said YOU did. I'm just saying you get depressed sometimes. I don't get it, why are you reading everything? If you want my thoughts then call me and talk to me instead of pushing me away, that's just not cool. Shoot, we've made it through some serious stuff before, don't know why you think we can't this time.

You didn't make anything worse Shane. She's been reading what I've been saying on this forum because she says she cares. Besides, she was countering something I said, not you.