Looking for some opinions on this one

Stanfi · Aug 27, 2003

Hello guys and gals,

I'm looking for some thoughts and opinions on this one. About 3 or 4 years ago I was offerend to be fixed up with this girl. She had came to my church with some relatives and wanted to meet me. They had my Aunt give me her phone number, but I never called. A couple of weeks later, she came back to my church. However, I slipped out the door and didn't talk to her. I think she came back to be introduced to me.

Needlees to say her relatives got mad. It took them a while to recover. I just wasn't that interested in the girl. I wasn't physically attracted to her, and she just didn't seem like my type. Granted I didn't handle the situation very well, I could have at least talked to her and been halfway cordial. I asked God to forgive me, but I never apologized to the girl or the family. I thought it would make things worse.

Anyway, the problem is lately her name keeps popping into my head. I can't figure out if God is putting it there, or I am still suffering from unresolved guilt.

My mother, God Bless her, always says "You can't judge a book by it's cover, she would have been a good girl for you". Mother knows best?? I don't know.. I just wasn't interested in her. She is a Christian, and I'm sure she is nice, but she just didn't seem like my type. I think if I would have went out with her, I would have felt like I was settling, and panicking because she was the only one available to me. I know at that time, I would not have been ready on an emotional level. So in a way I think it is good I didn't go out with her. Might have been a bigger mess.

So I can't figure out why her name keeps popping in my head. It's really frustrating.

Sorry to ramble, all coments are welcome.

LifeInYou · Aug 27, 2003

I think the Holy Spirit is working on you because you do feel guilty so it needs to be dealt with. Write her a letter and tell her everything you just told us. (that you weren't mature at the time, you didn't want to be forced into anything, etc, etc) Tell her you're sorry for your behavior and if you don't get a response back- oh well, you did the right thing. If you do get a response back, then maybe something IS suppose to happen between you and until you confront the situation her name will still be there.....

stray bullet · Aug 27, 2003

I'd think being ignored hurts a lot worse than being rejected. I don't want to sound mean, but if she is 'unattractive' she probably knows it and totally ignoring her can't be much better for her self-esteem.

I'm not female, so I can't say any of this with certainity, but I think most women in the same situation, that realized they were being ignored completely, would feel even worse than being rejected with a simple explanation.

Better that you get this over with now so she can focus her attention on someone else anyways...

Stanfi · Aug 28, 2003

Ok, I will through this in. A lot of time has passed, and I'm not sure that it is a good idea to "dig at old wounds". Also, her family has forgiven me, even thought they have not said anything to me about it. When I see them at church they always say 'hello' to me. Where previously they had stopped. They also made some very nice comments about me to an aunt of mine.

If you can't tell I'm really just wanting to ignore this, and pretend that my brain is wacko. A few months ago I lost a relatioship with a girl that I really did like, so I think my mind is working overtime. Maybe over-analyzing the past trying to figure out if I made a mistake somewhere or not.

Ok, back to your comments.. They are appreciated by the way.

wvmtnkid · Aug 28, 2003

Well, if it is really bothering you, you could begin by approaching her family that attends your church first. Tell them that you felt you handled the situation wrongly and that you have matured since than and felt possibly an apology is in order. No matter no much time has went by, an acknowledgment of a wrong and an apology is always nice to receive. If God has further plans for the two of you in this, he will open the doors. If not, perhaps this is just a character building moment. Either way, you can't go wrong by offering to apologize.

Stanfi · Aug 28, 2003

wvmtnkid said:
If God has further plans for the two of you in this, he will open the doors. If not, perhaps this is just a character building moment. Either way, you can't go wrong by offering to apologize.

I agree and aplogogy is nice. Clearing up misunderstanding would be nice also. I have been in the opposite situation and I understand that. However, I really don't want to open up a door for things to go further, because I really don't want them to.

Stanfi · Aug 28, 2003

Ok, Ok, Boy this Christian life can get tough sometimes. I've been praying about this situation this morning. The verse, I think it goes "To know wrong and do it is Sin". Comes to mind.. That's a really bad paraphrase, but I'm sure you all know what I mean.

So, I know apoligizing is the right thing to do. So, I am going to send the girl and apology. Pray that I will have healing not hurtlful words to say, and they will be received well.

LifeInYou · Aug 28, 2003

mrstace said:
Pray that I will have healing not hurtlful words to say, and they will be received well.

ONLY send the letter if your words are tactful and diplomatic, otherwise you're defeating your own purpose, right?

ing for you

Stanfi · Aug 28, 2003

LifeInYou said:
ONLY send the letter if your words are tactful and diplomatic, otherwise you're defeating your own purpose, right?

ing for you

Well, I just sent the letter. The words were honest and truthful, and I feel that they answered a lot of unanswered questions. I really feel that is what God wanted me to do. Trust me.. I didn't want to do it.

"You shall no the truth and the truth shall set you free."

I was in the opposite roll a few months ago. Someone leaving you with unanswered quesitons, can be so overwhelming. When I finally pinned the girl down, she said "I just didn't know what to say". I said "All you can say is the truth."

In essense I had done to someone else what had been done to me. I just feel that God wanted me to try to make it right.

We shall see.....

DaveKerwin · Aug 28, 2003

don't date a woman you are not attracted to.

that is not a general rule, just one I made for myself. Keep in mind that there is no such thing as an ugly woman, and that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. If you are attracted to her now, then call her up and hang out, maybe her personality will make her even more attractive, that is usually a big factor in attraction.

ZiSunka · Aug 28, 2003

A friend of mine from college was in church one day when friends brought this woman to introduce to him. He saw her from across the room and thought she was a bit, well, unattractive. Her eyes were too big and she was too short and he didn't care for brunettes. He grumbled and tried to get out of it, but finally, after a few weeks, he couldn't escape and they finally met.

When he finally got close to her, he was captivated by this aura of grace and friendliness that radiated from her. She wasn't anymore beautiful up close, but he felt desire for her spirit beyond any physical desire he had ever felt before.

She, on the other hand, didn't care for him when she met him up close. He just didn't have that zing she wanted in a guy. She was very disappointed, since her friends had really gushed about how much she was going to like him.

Over a period of years, they were thrown together in Bible study, service groups, worship team and so on. She slowly got to know him and realized that he was really a decent guy, stable and steady, and she agreed to marry him.

They now have three kids and have been married 25 years.

Initial attraction means nothing.

Stanfi · Aug 28, 2003

lambslove said:
Initial attraction means nothing.

lambslove,

I know that you are right.. geesh, I hate to admit that (not against you, just that fact of the matter). The last girl I had in my life, was beautiful, had a great personality. I don't think I could have came up with anyone better, if God had let me order one from him. However, we are not together now, and I keep hoping that God will either bring her back into my life, or someone that I think is great like her. I liked her from first time I ever talked to her.

This girl I sent the letter to, never caught my attention. If I would pursue anything with her, I would feel like I was "making" myself do it, instead of "wanting" to. I don't know how to explain it any better than that. I sent the letter because, I felt God was convicting to try to right a wrong.. or at least admit that I had made a mistake by not handling a situation properly.

It's an odd analogy with this girl that I liked that I mentioned first. Like Moses, God let me see the promised land, but that's as far as I got. Some things I just don't understand.

desi · Aug 28, 2003

You sent her an apology? Why not just call her and talk to her for awhile. Give people the benefit of the doubt. As much as you post around here, your time can't be that valuable. Often the people who know us best know whats best for us.

Stanfi · Aug 29, 2003

desi said:
You sent her an apology? Why not just call her and talk to her for awhile. Give people the benefit of the doubt. As much as you post around here, your time can't be that valuable. Often the people who know us best know whats best for us.

Why not call? Oh that's an easy question... I don't want to. At this point I feel that God was wanting to ammend/ acknowledge a mistake I had made by not handling a situation properly, and not "pursue" someone. After, I sent the apology, I gained peace about things, so I felt that I did the correct thing. A few months ago, God had lead me aplogize to a couple of other people, and I felt like he kept telling me.. "Hey, you missed one." So apparentley, I mess up a lot.. Oh man, I can't wait for that perfect body!!

Also, my time is more stretched than you may realize. I'm on a computer all day at work, so it's easy to flip back and forth windows. Work is often bleak, and talking about Jesus, and how he works in our lives with others is a blessing...not being rude... just FYI

desi · Aug 29, 2003

mrstace said:
Why not call? Oh that's an easy question... I don't want to. At this point I feel that God was wanting to ammend/ acknowledge a mistake I had made by not handling a situation properly, and not "pursue" someone. After, I sent the apology, I gained peace about things, so I felt that I did the correct thing. A few months ago, God had lead me aplogize to a couple of other people, and I felt like he kept telling me.. "Hey, you missed one." So apparentley, I mess up a lot.. Oh man, I can't wait for that perfect body!!

Also, my time is more stretched than you may realize. I'm on a computer all day at work, so it's easy to flip back and forth windows. Work is often bleak, and talking about Jesus, and how he works in our lives with others is a blessing...not being rude... just FYI

Sorry to imply your time was not valuable, I was scolded for in a PM and realize they had a point. The card was probably the best thing to do since you did not feel pursuing it was what God wanted for you. Thanks for your polite reply to my somewhat flippant post, its something I need to work on.

Stanfi · Aug 29, 2003

desi said:
Sorry to imply your time was not valuable, I was scolded for in a PM and realize they had a point. The card was probably the best thing to do since you did not feel pursuing it was what God wanted for you. Thanks for your polite reply to my somewhat flippant post, its something I need to work on.

That's alright and your welcome. All of us from time to time say things that we probably should not. That's why the Bible teaches us to guard our tongue. We can do a lot of damage and not even realize it. You know that kids song "God is still workin' on me." I think that applies to all of us. Us long as we are in the flesh, God is constantly refining us to be more Christ like. My friend, all of fall short of his glory.

Stanfi · Sep 4, 2003

I thought I would update you guys on this one. Sent the apology, and got a read confirmation a couple of days ago. However, no reply. This in a way disturbs me, but I do feel that I did what God asked. Time will tell when I go to church Sunday morning, and I see if her mother gives me a black eye!!! I guess, I truly believe that I did what God asked of me, I just have to stand on that promise.

Stanfi · Sep 5, 2003

Another update on this one. I received a response to my apology. It was accepted and very much appreciated. I just wanted to say this, because I now know that I did exactly what God wanted me to do.

Praise The Lord!!

LifeInYou · Sep 5, 2003

mrstace said:
Another update on this one. I received a response to my apology. It was accepted and very much appreciated. I just wanted to say this, because I now know that I did exactly what God wanted me to do.

Praise The Lord!!

YaY!

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