living together and remaining abstinent

minus · Jan 19, 2004

I’ve been glancing through some other posts on this topic but my situation is a bit different so I’ll start my own post.

My fiancé and I have recently both accepted Jesus as our personal lord and savior. The problem is we are both living together and stuck in a very strict lease with no way out and rent to high for one of us to move into a separate apartment (we’re barley making ends meet now) We were both sexually active prior to being saved but have abstained since then and I am sleeping on the floor to prevent us from being tempted. Neither of us are sure if its right for us to be living together, but at the same time neither of us feels that its wrong as long as we remain abstinent.

DaveKerwin · Jan 19, 2004

If you asked a christian brother to live with him until you are married, you might be surprized at his generosity. Of course this will not stop you from having sex, you could just be hanging out there and it could happen.

I want to encourage you though, you are doing the right thing by abstaing. God loves you bro, and your heart is in the right place. If I was you, I would just see if you can live somewhere else for free (that way the rent is paid as it normally would be, no extra fees are added, and you remove yourself from temptation). I don't know about you, but a hot babe in a comfortable bed would eventually draw me off a hard uncomforable floor. Think about it.

I will pray for you right now, God Bless you bro.

LadyBird · Jan 19, 2004

Well, one of you could move out and find a Christian room mate...that is always an option. So there are always options. It's good that you are not having sex. Hang in there and stay strong because you are doing the right thing by abstaining from sex.

If I were you, I would move out, let your girlfriend find a Christian, female, room mate to move in with...you move out into another apartment and find a christian, male room mate.

minus · Jan 19, 2004

The thing is, neither of us feel that it's wrong for us to be living together a long as we are abstinent. As far as temptation is concerned, things can happen if we live together or not. All it takes is a weak moment alone. We were sexually active before we lived together and didn’t need to be sleeping in the same bed to act on those desires. It is clear in the bible that now that we are saved we should refrain from these activities until marriage, but what does the bible say about living under the same roof?

Mr.Cheese · Jan 19, 2004

man, your situation sounds fine to me. How long have you been together?
Do you have a wedding date planned? You could just go tie the knot.

DaveKerwin · Jan 19, 2004

the bible does not talk about living under the same roof before marriage. the bible also does not talk about if watching movies is moral.

What you have to do is read the word, and see what might apply, or check the example of people in the bible. Before believers were married, they did not live together. That is something to consider. Beyond that, we as christians are not supposed to give the appearance of evil. Since you still live with her and are now saved, it does give the appearance of immorality. You should do all that you can do to right by her, and by God. I think moving out will show your dedication to Christ, and it will be moral.

Have you considered getting married?

SirKenin · Jan 19, 2004

minus said:
The thing is, neither of us feel that it's wrong for us to be living together a long as we are abstinent. As far as temptation is concerned, things can happen if we live together or not. All it takes is a weak moment alone. We were sexually active before we lived together and didnt need to be sleeping in the same bed to act on those desires. It is clear in the bible that now that we are saved we should refrain from these activities until marriage, but what does the bible say about living under the same roof?

The Bible doesn't say anything about it. It merely speaks towards fornication/sexual immorality.

What you are doing is not a sin. No Bible Bullets from me. If you can resist temptation, carry on. It's going to be hard though. Remember, God only allows temptation that we are able to bear. There will always be a way out. If that means that one of you move out if it gets to be too much, so be it.

Good luck

Mrs K 2004 · Jan 19, 2004

I would have to agree with Mr. Cheese; just tie the knot! If your relationship is far enough along to not only live together; but to also be saved together; then I would think it's probably ready for a marriage

Besides; the floor can't be that comfortable!

L.R. · Jan 19, 2004

What you are doing is extremely commendable.

The Bible warns us to flee fornication (1Corr6:18). For 99 out of 100 people, the living room would not be enough of a flight. Remember, also, that we are to live in sexual purity (Eph 5:3). I would encourage you not to fall for the idea that only vaginal sex is sexual impurity. It will be very difficult to avoid impurity in the same home.

minus · Jan 20, 2004

Thanks everyone for the responses. We are engaged to be married. We are looking at one of two Saturdays in June as a possible wedding date. We’re not engaging in any type of impurity as L.R. pointed out is also wrong. We have been able to remain strong and have been praying about our entire situation. We both feel that we can do this and feel that we need to do this the way God intended things to be. So I’m honestly not worried that I’m going to fail. I know the temptation is there but we’re both determined to do right. I’ll still continue to pray about this and ask God if its ok if we remain in the same house so we can save up for our wedding. I will also continue to ask him to give us strength to resist temptation. I just keep thinking to myself that things will be so much more rewarding if we just wait for marriage and that helps me through it. It also helps that I started working a second job which keeps my time occupied and leaves me exhausted and yearning for nothing more than sleep( by the way the floor isn’t really that bad since I’ve got the cushions from our sofa and love seat laid out as a makeshift bed, lol).

LITTLEDINK · Jan 20, 2004

I think you should continue to pray and in the meantime resist temptation and enjoy your relationship with your fiance.

charligirl · Jan 20, 2004

Personally I think living together is unwise, for the reasons I stated in this thread http://www.christianforums.com/t84614

Also, if you are marrying in 6 months, it's so much nicer and more romantic to be living apart until the day. It makes the whole marriage and coming back from the honeymoon to your marital home (perhaps a new flat that neither of you have lived in??) so special

hamster_head · Jan 20, 2004

minus said:
Ive been glancing through some other posts on this topic but my situation is a bit different so Ill start my own post.

My fiancé and I have recently both accepted Jesus as our personal lord and savior. The problem is we are both living together and stuck in a very strict lease with no way out and rent to high for one of us to move into a separate apartment (were barley making ends meet now) We were both sexually active prior to being saved but have abstained since then and I am sleeping on the floor to prevent us from being tempted. Neither of us are sure if its right for us to be living together, but at the same time neither of us feels that its wrong as long as we remain abstinent.

Sounds like a pretty darn reasonable solution to me.

minus · Jan 21, 2004

Hmmmm, the answer is no clearer now than it was when i started this thread. I still do not feel any conviction that what we are doing is wrong,but I am proud of us for doing the right thing and remaining abstinent.

I feel that this is our home and neither one of us should have to leave and impose ourselves on anyone else. We really don't have any place to go. The closest relative is my dad, no room at his place. We are new to the church and i don't feel right asking anyone to let me stay with them for free(which it would have to be since I will still have to pay half the rent and the utilities to help my fiance out and on top of that have to scrounge together money for our wedding). Even if someone from church were to come up and offer me a room free of charge I would feel so uncomfortable staying at a strangers and would just feel like I'm impossing on them.

I guess at this point the best thing to do is just keep on doing what we feel is right and praying about our situation. If this is wrong I'm sure God will intervene.

charligirl · Jan 21, 2004

minus said:
I guess at this point the best thing to do is just keep on doing what we feel is right and praying about our situation. If this is wrong I'm sure God will intervene.

Absolutely! Pray 'Your will be done' and ask God to intervene and convict you if He wants you to move, that really is the best way

minus · Feb 6, 2004

My fiancee thought of a solution to our problem that eluded both of us for some reason. Her mom and step dad have a den in their basement with a sofa bed and a small bathroom with a shower, it’s almost like a little 1 room apartment. Anyways, starting Monday I’ll be staying there until our wedding date of June, 12th. Thank you everyone for all your advice and most of all thank you Lord for helping us find a reasonable solution to our problem.

charligirl · Feb 6, 2004

minus said:
My fiancee thought of a solution to our problem that eluded both of us for some reason. Her mom and step dad have a den in their basement with a sofa bed and a small bathroom with a shower, its almost like a little 1 room apartment. Anyways, starting Monday Ill be staying there until our wedding date of June, 12th. Thank you everyone for all your advice and most of all thank you Lord for helping us find a reasonable solution to our problem.

Praise God, isn't He good!

minus · Feb 6, 2004

charligirl said:
Praise God, isn't He good!

Yeah, this really worked out for us. I was really worried about having to move in with someone from church that I didn’t really know (being that we are new to the church family) and worried about imposing on them and getting in their way in the morning, and waking them up on the nights that I’d be in late because I work a second job and all sorts of other little things like that. But he really did address all of those concerns no matter how insignificant they might seem when he gave us this option.

SirFei · Feb 7, 2004

Hey, thought I'd give my two cents...
Living together is usually not a good idea because of the temptation that it puts in place, especially if you two were sexually active before. It is harder to back down from something you're comfortable with than going farther into that comfort zone. God tells us that we should take measures so that we are not tempted, and living apart is definitely the solution. I'm glad you have both found a way to do this! I myself am engaged, and my fiance lives with her parents while I live in my apartment. Even then we are tempted, but the one thing that has saved us is the power of prayer. If we feel that we might be tempted to much, we stop what we're doing and pray; this makes both of us feel good about what we're doing, and keep on track. A relationship based on a firm foundation (Jesus Christ) will help your marriage 100 fold, easily. I wish you both luck with you and your fiance as there will be times and trials ahead; remember: be strong in the Lord, and pray to God for strength and wisdom for He will give it.
God bless,

~Marc

desi · Feb 8, 2004

Marry her and stop sleeping on the floor.

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