IAMKITTENMAN

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Hello everyone. I am a firm believer in kittenism, and probably the creator of said religion.

I believe that God is nothing more than a big kitten. I pray to this kitten everyday, that he will turn me into a kitten. Because I know in reality, my soul is that of a kitten. I cry myself to sleep, having to be in this human body. I wish I were a kitten.

I have written the 10 kitty commandments, they are as follow:
1)Thou shalt not own any other pet besides a kitten.
2)The meow shall be thy cry
3)Thy shall scratch behind thine kitten's ears, lovingly.
4)Thou shalt not worship any false idols, be they J-pop, or American.
5)Thou shalt watch Meow Mix commercials every time they air.
6)Thou shalt purr instead of laugh.
7)Thou shalt adopt kittens once a day, every day, for every month of the year.
8)If thou is allergic to kittens, thou shalt be hangethed. Or at least be given medication for thine allergies.
9)Thou shalt drink plenty of milk.
10)Thou shalt not soil thyself outside thine litter box.
 

Skillganon

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My response

Surah 64. Mutual Disillusion, Haggling (Yusuf Ali translation)


1. Whatever is in the heavens and on earth, doth declare the Praises and Glory of Allah. to Him belongs dominion, and to Him belongs praise: and He has power over all things.
2. It is He Who has created you; and of you are some that are Unbelievers, and some that are Believers: and Allah sees well all that ye do.
3. He has created the heavens and the earth in just proportions, and has given you shape, and made your shapes beautiful: and to Him is the final Goal.
4. He knows what is in the heavens and on earth; and He knows what ye conceal and what ye reveal: yea, Allah knows well the (secrets) of (all) hearts.
5. Has not the story reached you, of those who rejected Faith aforetime? So they tasted the evil result of their conduct; and they had a grievous Penalty.
6. That was because there came to them apostles with Clear Signs, but they said: "Shall (mere) human beings direct us?" So they rejected (the Message) and turned away. But Allah can do without (them): and Allah is free of all needs, worthy of all praise.
7. The Unbelievers think that they will not be raised up (for Judgment). Say: "Yea, By my Lord, Ye shall surely be raised up: then shall ye be told (the truth) of all that ye did. And that is easy for Allah."
8. Believe, therefore, in Allah and His Messenger, and in the Light which we have sent down. And Allah is well acquainted with all that ye do.
9. The Day that He assembles you (all) for a Day of Assembly,- that will be a Day of mutual loss and gain (among you), and those who believe in Allah and work righteousness,- He will remove from them their ills, and He will admit them to Gardens beneath which Rivers flow, to dwell therein for ever: that will be the Supreme Achievement.
10. But those who reject Faith and treat Our Signs as falsehoods, they will be Companions of the Fire, to dwell therein for aye: and evil is that Goal.
11. No kind of calamity can occur, except by the leave of Allah. and if any one believes in Allah, ((Allah)) guides his heart (aright): for Allah knows all things.
12. So obey Allah, and obey His Messenger. but if ye turn back, the duty of Our Messenger is but to proclaim (the Message) clearly and openly.
13. Allah. There is no god but He: and on Allah, therefore, let the Believers put their trust.
14. O ye who believe! Truly, among your wives and your children are (some that are) enemies to yourselves: so beware of them! But if ye forgive and overlook, and cover up (their faults), verily Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
15. Your riches and your children may be but a trial: but in the Presence of Allah, is the highest, Reward.
16. So fear Allah as much as ye can; listen and obey and spend in charity for the benefit of your own soul and those saved from the covetousness of their own souls,- they are the ones that achieve prosperity.
17. If ye loan to Allah, a beautiful loan, He will double it to your (credit), and He will grant you Forgiveness: for Allah is most Ready to appreciate (service), Most Forbearing,- 18. Knower of what is open, Exalted in Might, Full of Wisdom.

Peace!
 
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Abbadon

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Well, I got 1, 3, 4, and 10. Do I qualify as a Felichide?
 
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LittleLambofJesus

Hebrews 2:14.... Pesky Devil, git!
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How did the Koran get into the topic of Kittenism?

Anyway, I couldn't find "cat/kitten" in the Bible, just "dogs" which are outside the "city of Life". Sad, but true.

keleb (Strong's 03611) occurs 32 times in 31 verses:

kuon (Strong's 2965)
occurs 5 times in 5 verses:

Reve 22:14 `Happy are those doing His commands that the authority shall be theirs unto the tree of the life, and by the gates they may enter into the city; 15 and without [are] the dogs, and the sorcerers, and the whoremongers, and the murderers, and the idolaters, and every one who is loving and is doing a lie.
 
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Abbadon

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Cats aren't mentioned in the Bible. Some people used that "reasoning" behind killing them because "they're obviously of the devil."

Granted, it's not the Bible that was the cause, but stupidity. Had it been any other religious, philosophical, or political document, they'd have found some other thing like that to do. "The Constitution doesn't mention Libertarians! Burn them at the stake!"
 
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