Kicked out of my small group...what now?

bchris02 · Sep 20, 2011

I started going to a new small group a couple months ago, and just as I was really getting adjusted to the community, and really enjoying it, I am abruptly kicked out of the group. Why? I turned 26, and the group's age range is 20-25. Does anybody else find this a bit cruel? I understand wanting to keep it a young adult's group, but after about age 22, there is much less difference between birthdays than there is in your teen years. It seems expected that by age 25, one would be married with children, but it doesn't always work out that way especially this generation. I am furious about this because its coming at a time when I really need the community and fellowship a small group provides. I am thinking about sending the leaders of the group a letter about how shallow and unChristian it was for them to do that to me. Should I do this or should I just let it go and start the search for a new group?

BFine · Sep 20, 2011

I've never heard of anyone being kicked out of their small group for that reason.
Did you know about that rule would be enforced?
Did they send you into the over age 25 small group?

Bella Vita · Sep 20, 2011

Ya that is a bit ridiculous they could have at least let you finish that study. I might say something to the leader of the group in private and tell them it hurt your feelings. But then I would just move on to another group and get connected there.

bsd31 · Sep 20, 2011

Try to find a church that doesn't do groups broken up by age, but rather by gender. Men disciple men, women disciple women. Age should have no bearing. Obviously those under 13 should be discipled in their own group, but 13+ should be discipled together in gender specific groups

Bella Vita · Sep 20, 2011

bsd31 said:
Try to find a church that doesn't do groups broken up by age, but rather by gender. Men disciple men, women disciple women. Age should have no bearing. Obviously those under 13 should be discipled in their own group, but 13+ should be discipled together in gender specific groups

It does need to be seperated some what by age. Let's face it a 13 year old is not going to be going through the same things or issues as say a 26 year old married women. And there are topics in the Bible that would be a little to much for a child where as an adult would much more easily understand.

bsd31 · Sep 20, 2011

Bella Vita said:
It does need to be seperated some what by age. Let's face it a 13 year old is not going to be going through the same things or issues as say a 26 year old married women. And there are topics in the Bible that would be a little to much for a child where as an adult would much more easily understand.

If the group is about day to day life issues then yes I agree. But I'm thinking of small groups in terms of Biblical studies, praise and worship and discipleship. In which case maturity in the Lord isn't likely to be the same as chronological age.

Bella Vita · Sep 20, 2011

bsd31 said:
If the group is about day to day life issues then yes I agree. But I'm thinking of small groups in terms of Biblical studies, praise and worship and discipleship. In which case maturity in the Lord isn't likely to be the same as chronological age.

I guess but if it is a topical study the study needs to be age appropriate for those involved. You shouldn't go through Song Of Songs with a 13 year old LOL.

woodpecker · Sep 20, 2011

ya know I think it is healthier to be in small groups of all ages, the bible teaches the older Christians should mentor the younger. Anymore groups are by age and I think that is a big mistake.

I would try to find a mens group of all ages, that would be healthiest for you spiritually, and then maybe find a Christians singles group.

iambren · Sep 20, 2011

Unless they told you EXPLICITLY this policy before you joined I find it rather rude. Maybe they could make the age bracket based on the age you joined. However, you only invested 2 months, it takes about a year for a group to really mature.

JRSut1000 · Sep 20, 2011

Where in the Bible does it say to separate people into groups by age? It doesn't. Too many man-made traditions in the church.

I will say that similar life experience helps when we are having fellowship and accountability with one another, but I do think there does need to be that room for the older men teaching the younger men and the older women teaching the younger women.

But to define by age groups? That would be odd considering my husband is not a 'young adult' and I am, but my small group has no problem with it. They respect my husband's input and not just because of age. There are other members of the group younger than myself and more mature than myself in many ways. So is age really a deciding factor?

bsd31 · Sep 21, 2011

Bella Vita said:
I guess but if it is a topical study the study needs to be age appropriate for those involved. You shouldn't go through Song Of Songs with a 13 year old LOL.

I don't believe there is any part of scripture that is too mature for anyone of any age to study. Granted how the study is conducted is going to be different for those who are children (<13) but I can't think of a reason not to study them at all.

SoldierOfSoul · Sep 21, 2011

Bella Vita said:
I guess but if it is a topical study the study needs to be age appropriate for those involved. You shouldn't go through Song Of Songs with a 13 year old LOL.

Better for them to hear about sex in the covenant of relationship in God's word than on MTV's Jersey Shore.

fuji · Sep 21, 2011

Find a new one?

I am 34 and they wont let me join our youth group!

bchris02 · Sep 21, 2011

fuji said:
Find a new one?

I am 34 and they wont let me join our youth group!

Completely different situation but I get what you are saying. My point is this group is separating by age at a stage of life when age is far less relevant. I support separating by life stages like youth, college, career, engaged, married, etc but by age is stupid after about 21 unless its by decade.

ezeric · Sep 21, 2011

Don't you hate religious christianity?

There are tons of scriptures where the LORD reminds the young that they should not be thought of as too young i.e. Jeremiah and Timothy.

They were young but were probably more mature than others.
The virgin Mary was also real young too.

Others where it admonishes the older to teach the younger - especially older in faith.

My point is the scriptures are not so much focused on earthly age, then they are in spiritual age or growth. We seem to get 'hung up' on appearances and void our faith which only walks by what is NOT seen.

The real church you are already a part of. Its an invisible kingdom.

And a temple not build with human hands. (see Acts 7:48, Hebrews 9:11,Mark 14:58 and 2nd Corinthians 5:1)

And a little child shall lead them... (Isaiah 11:6)

-eric

The Exchanged Life

Johnny Todd · Sep 21, 2011

bchris02 said:
I started going to a new small group a couple months ago, and just as I was really getting adjusted to the community, and really enjoying it, I am abruptly kicked out of the group. Why? I turned 26, and the group's age range is 20-25. Does anybody else find this a bit cruel? I understand wanting to keep it a young adult's group, but after about age 22, there is much less difference between birthdays than there is in your teen years. It seems expected that by age 25, one would be married with children, but it doesn't always work out that way especially this generation. I am furious about this because its coming at a time when I really need the community and fellowship a small group provides. I am thinking about sending the leaders of the group a letter about how shallow and unChristian it was for them to do that to me. Should I do this or should I just let it go and start the search for a new group?

A big part of growing up, is dealing with change, Its seems to be harder for some than others, why not get into an older group, and enjoy the concept that your the youngest in this new group, older people love the youth, it reminds them so much of their own youth, It just maybe some of the fellowship you really need and don't know it.

Kicked out of my small group...what now?

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