- Nov 3, 2003
- 864
- 84
- 41
- Faith
- Baptist
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- US-Republican
Okay, how to start? Let me just tell you a little bit about myself first. My name is Kelly. I'm 19 years old and I am the youngest child of 5. I have two brothers and two sisters. Both of my sisters are very close to one another, I'm close to them as well, but they have just always hung out together because they are more around the same age.
Well, when I was 5 or 6 years old, my sisters both got saved. Well, I realized I was about to be left out yet again, so I said, "HEY I WANNA GET SAVED TOO!!!" So I "said the prayer". Well, I have always grown up in a Baptist church. I have two wonderful parents who love each other and me very very much. I was brought up to be polite and honest and just a basically all around "good person". Oh, let me also mention...there were some circumstances that occured when I was a young girl that don't normally happen....something that made a big impact on my adolescence and relationship with God at that time. (However, I do not feel inclined to share it publically at this time, but if you would like to know that portion of the story, feel free to send me a private message here at Christian Forums.
Okay, back to what I was saying. So I basically was a pretty good little girl. When I turned about 11 or 12...I realized that there was something different between me and the other people who claimed Christianity. That was the time I realized I wasn't really saved. See, when I was 5, I knew I wasn't being genuine...that I was just "saying the prayer" thinking that would get me in good with God. "Well, I said the words...surely that's all that needs to be done." So through the years I would daily convince myself that I really was saved...yet anytime I ever did something wrong I would go straight to my room and pray begging Jesus to please not leave me even though I was bad.
When I turned 14, I got sick of playing that game. Not only did I know I wasn't saved and was getting tired of trying to keep up the charade...but my past circumstances were haunting me, and it seemed to me that it was something no one wanted to remember. Well, I started having trouble in school, started hanging out with the bad crowd and all that, so my mom asked me what was up. I told her she had no idea why I acted the way I did...she figured it was due to my past...so she took me to a counselor. Well (I say well alot don't I...lol), this counselor was trying to make me talk about something, that I had NEVER talked about...for 4 years, I said nothing about what I felt concerning the circumstances I went through, and now all of a sudden she is trying to force me to talk about it and on a time limit. Well, things were being forced out to quick...I wasn't ready to relive it...so I left and never went back. Soon after we moved away to a new state. We lived in a SMALL town called Lincoln up in Maine. I tried to play the charade again, not wanting to have to go back to any counselors...and soon got sick of that as well. I started hanging out with a really bad crowd...started drinking, smoking...doing drugs. No, I'm not proud of any of it, I just tell you to let you see what exactly God brought me out of! I ended up dating a guy up there named Dan...he was really heavy into drugs....because it was a small town, everyone knew what he and his family were like, so fairly quick I was forbidden to see him or go over to his house.
So what did I do? I ran away. I was only gone for about 7 hours...you see though, God was with me even in that. I had been very careful the entire time, no one knew I had run aside from my family and my boyfriend...well, I showed up at one of my friend's houses and told her a big ole lie to get her on my side. Told her that my parent's beat me. She told her mom that I was staying over in a friend's place who was supposed to spend the night that day. Well, some of our other friend's called asking about me. She told them she didn't know what was going on, but I got on the phone and blew my cover. Turns out the cops brought them to the station and had them call so they could listen. I was picked up within the hour.
My parents pulled me out of the public school to get me away from bad influences and enrolled me in a private Christian highschool. One mistake they made though, was allowing me to keep my job. My boyfriend would go up there and eat lunch with me...and I had seen some cops up there one day. I told them the same old fake story I told my friend (that my parents beat me) and I had quickly put emancipation papers to work. For those of you who don't know what emancipation papers are....it is a legal document allowing you to divorce your family...provided there is a good reason. Well, abuse fit the key. With Lincoln being the small town it was, my parents got drift of my behind the scene plans and started working on some of their own. They had heard of a Baptist boarding school in Florida from the principal of my highschool. So they got some information on it. I was so busy working on my plans, I didn't even know something was going on. Well, one day, my parents told me that my dad had a job interview in Florida, and I had to go with because they couldn't trust me. I fought it forever, but finally gave in...afterall, it was time off of school and it was Florida. So I agreed.
A few days prior to this, my mom had found a lump in her breast...she was supposed to go get a biopsy of it done when we got back from our trip. Now, out of everyone in my family, my mom was the only one I felt TRULY loved me...and I cared about her very much. Well when I got dropped off at this place...man oh man was I ever mad! My mom refused to say goodbye to me, because I was very good at playing on her heart strings. So my dad was the only one to say goodbye to me. I didn't give him an easy time. I refused to go near him and told him how much I hated him. Well, after a couple weeks I settled into their little routine. I professed atheism the whole time I was there and spoke loud and clear to all the girls that I wanted NOTHING to do with God. You see, I blamed Him, for the circumstances I went through when I was younger. I was mad, because He didn't prevent it when supposedly He was so powerful (and He is!! I know that now!) So I had become very bitter. I didn't pray at all...during the times we were supposed to read our bibles...I just stared at mine...pretending.
And so my life went by. Well, then one day the pastor's wife pulled me aside. She told me that unfortunately...my mother had been diagnosed with cancer. I was so upset. I did not want to lose my mom without getting to say goodbye. So I burned with anger towards my dad for leaving me there. During the time I was there, I refused to talk to my dad on the phone during our 10 minute calls every week after the third week. I refused to write him...I'd write weekly letters to everyone else in my family...but not him. The directors of the school tried to get me to write him. One of my punishments for being so ill to my dad was I had to handwrite in cursive the entire book of Psalms. For those of you who don't know...that book has 150 chapters and Psalm 119 has 174 verses...so that was a duzy! Well, once I finished that I finally agreed to talk to him and all. But actually, I am off track...I was talking about finding out about my mom's cancer. That was a real big turning point with me. In fact, I really think that the ONLY reason my mom got cancer, was so that God could get through to me.
When she got cancer, I started praying...I prayed through clenched teeth at first, but I prayed like never before. I figured, if God truly loved me, He wouldn't take away the only person I loved. Well, during this time, God really began to get ahold of my heart. He totally was softening me up. The things the pastor talked about on Sundays really hit me hard...and scared me. It got to the point, where I was scared to go to sleep at night. You see, at this school, there were lots of bunkbeds, and all the new girls had to sleep on the top bunks so that we couldn't run away. (It was a Baptist Boarding School for Troubled Teens...there were lots of problem girls there) Well, I don't know about you, but I'm a tosser and a turner in my sleep, and I was scared to death if I fell off that bed in the middle of the night, broke my neck and died, I would be in hell. And I knew I would...I knew I wasn't saved...and I knew God was real. And I fought for WEEKS with God...I knew I needed Him...but I was still so angry at Him and I wasn't done doing all the things I wanted to do. I figured once I gave my life to God, I'd miss all the fun...boy was I mistaken!!!
Well, I finally gave into God...I was brought to my absolute lowest and most broken point, and I gave my life to Christ. On June 21, 2000 God changed my life! I am now a child of God and covered by the blood of Jesus. And as for what I said about me missing all the fun...not at all. My life has never been as fulfilling and full of excitement and life and love...as it is now! God is so amazing! He shows me new things everyday and just wraps me in His loving arms. No one will ever know how grateful I am to God for what He has done...for how He has changed me. And you know, He even healed me of my bitterness towards my past circumstances. I was able to fully forgive the person who had wronged me as a child. And God has even used me to minister to others who have been through those same unfortunate circumstances. So yes, there is a purpose for everything.
Oh, since then, my mother has been healed of her cancer. She is now in remission. I started a tradition with her when she was bald, where every night before I went to bed, I would give her a goodnight kiss and then kiss her bald little head. I wanted her to know that no matter what she looked like to the world...she was an angel to me. And now that her hair has fully come back...I still kiss her head after I give her a goodnight kiss. She always tells me, "Kelly, you don't have to do that anymore..." and I always reply, "But I want to, it's our new tradtion." You see, in my doing that every night, it doesn't allow me to ever forget what my mother went through...for me. Because honestly...if she never got cancer...I seriously don't think I ever would have let down the wall I had built up around myself to shelter me from God. I'm sorry she went through all she did...but I'm not sorry she got cancer...what causes death in many others, brought me new life.
Well, when I was 5 or 6 years old, my sisters both got saved. Well, I realized I was about to be left out yet again, so I said, "HEY I WANNA GET SAVED TOO!!!" So I "said the prayer". Well, I have always grown up in a Baptist church. I have two wonderful parents who love each other and me very very much. I was brought up to be polite and honest and just a basically all around "good person". Oh, let me also mention...there were some circumstances that occured when I was a young girl that don't normally happen....something that made a big impact on my adolescence and relationship with God at that time. (However, I do not feel inclined to share it publically at this time, but if you would like to know that portion of the story, feel free to send me a private message here at Christian Forums.
Okay, back to what I was saying. So I basically was a pretty good little girl. When I turned about 11 or 12...I realized that there was something different between me and the other people who claimed Christianity. That was the time I realized I wasn't really saved. See, when I was 5, I knew I wasn't being genuine...that I was just "saying the prayer" thinking that would get me in good with God. "Well, I said the words...surely that's all that needs to be done." So through the years I would daily convince myself that I really was saved...yet anytime I ever did something wrong I would go straight to my room and pray begging Jesus to please not leave me even though I was bad.
When I turned 14, I got sick of playing that game. Not only did I know I wasn't saved and was getting tired of trying to keep up the charade...but my past circumstances were haunting me, and it seemed to me that it was something no one wanted to remember. Well, I started having trouble in school, started hanging out with the bad crowd and all that, so my mom asked me what was up. I told her she had no idea why I acted the way I did...she figured it was due to my past...so she took me to a counselor. Well (I say well alot don't I...lol), this counselor was trying to make me talk about something, that I had NEVER talked about...for 4 years, I said nothing about what I felt concerning the circumstances I went through, and now all of a sudden she is trying to force me to talk about it and on a time limit. Well, things were being forced out to quick...I wasn't ready to relive it...so I left and never went back. Soon after we moved away to a new state. We lived in a SMALL town called Lincoln up in Maine. I tried to play the charade again, not wanting to have to go back to any counselors...and soon got sick of that as well. I started hanging out with a really bad crowd...started drinking, smoking...doing drugs. No, I'm not proud of any of it, I just tell you to let you see what exactly God brought me out of! I ended up dating a guy up there named Dan...he was really heavy into drugs....because it was a small town, everyone knew what he and his family were like, so fairly quick I was forbidden to see him or go over to his house.
So what did I do? I ran away. I was only gone for about 7 hours...you see though, God was with me even in that. I had been very careful the entire time, no one knew I had run aside from my family and my boyfriend...well, I showed up at one of my friend's houses and told her a big ole lie to get her on my side. Told her that my parent's beat me. She told her mom that I was staying over in a friend's place who was supposed to spend the night that day. Well, some of our other friend's called asking about me. She told them she didn't know what was going on, but I got on the phone and blew my cover. Turns out the cops brought them to the station and had them call so they could listen. I was picked up within the hour.
My parents pulled me out of the public school to get me away from bad influences and enrolled me in a private Christian highschool. One mistake they made though, was allowing me to keep my job. My boyfriend would go up there and eat lunch with me...and I had seen some cops up there one day. I told them the same old fake story I told my friend (that my parents beat me) and I had quickly put emancipation papers to work. For those of you who don't know what emancipation papers are....it is a legal document allowing you to divorce your family...provided there is a good reason. Well, abuse fit the key. With Lincoln being the small town it was, my parents got drift of my behind the scene plans and started working on some of their own. They had heard of a Baptist boarding school in Florida from the principal of my highschool. So they got some information on it. I was so busy working on my plans, I didn't even know something was going on. Well, one day, my parents told me that my dad had a job interview in Florida, and I had to go with because they couldn't trust me. I fought it forever, but finally gave in...afterall, it was time off of school and it was Florida. So I agreed.
A few days prior to this, my mom had found a lump in her breast...she was supposed to go get a biopsy of it done when we got back from our trip. Now, out of everyone in my family, my mom was the only one I felt TRULY loved me...and I cared about her very much. Well when I got dropped off at this place...man oh man was I ever mad! My mom refused to say goodbye to me, because I was very good at playing on her heart strings. So my dad was the only one to say goodbye to me. I didn't give him an easy time. I refused to go near him and told him how much I hated him. Well, after a couple weeks I settled into their little routine. I professed atheism the whole time I was there and spoke loud and clear to all the girls that I wanted NOTHING to do with God. You see, I blamed Him, for the circumstances I went through when I was younger. I was mad, because He didn't prevent it when supposedly He was so powerful (and He is!! I know that now!) So I had become very bitter. I didn't pray at all...during the times we were supposed to read our bibles...I just stared at mine...pretending.
And so my life went by. Well, then one day the pastor's wife pulled me aside. She told me that unfortunately...my mother had been diagnosed with cancer. I was so upset. I did not want to lose my mom without getting to say goodbye. So I burned with anger towards my dad for leaving me there. During the time I was there, I refused to talk to my dad on the phone during our 10 minute calls every week after the third week. I refused to write him...I'd write weekly letters to everyone else in my family...but not him. The directors of the school tried to get me to write him. One of my punishments for being so ill to my dad was I had to handwrite in cursive the entire book of Psalms. For those of you who don't know...that book has 150 chapters and Psalm 119 has 174 verses...so that was a duzy! Well, once I finished that I finally agreed to talk to him and all. But actually, I am off track...I was talking about finding out about my mom's cancer. That was a real big turning point with me. In fact, I really think that the ONLY reason my mom got cancer, was so that God could get through to me.
When she got cancer, I started praying...I prayed through clenched teeth at first, but I prayed like never before. I figured, if God truly loved me, He wouldn't take away the only person I loved. Well, during this time, God really began to get ahold of my heart. He totally was softening me up. The things the pastor talked about on Sundays really hit me hard...and scared me. It got to the point, where I was scared to go to sleep at night. You see, at this school, there were lots of bunkbeds, and all the new girls had to sleep on the top bunks so that we couldn't run away. (It was a Baptist Boarding School for Troubled Teens...there were lots of problem girls there) Well, I don't know about you, but I'm a tosser and a turner in my sleep, and I was scared to death if I fell off that bed in the middle of the night, broke my neck and died, I would be in hell. And I knew I would...I knew I wasn't saved...and I knew God was real. And I fought for WEEKS with God...I knew I needed Him...but I was still so angry at Him and I wasn't done doing all the things I wanted to do. I figured once I gave my life to God, I'd miss all the fun...boy was I mistaken!!!
Well, I finally gave into God...I was brought to my absolute lowest and most broken point, and I gave my life to Christ. On June 21, 2000 God changed my life! I am now a child of God and covered by the blood of Jesus. And as for what I said about me missing all the fun...not at all. My life has never been as fulfilling and full of excitement and life and love...as it is now! God is so amazing! He shows me new things everyday and just wraps me in His loving arms. No one will ever know how grateful I am to God for what He has done...for how He has changed me. And you know, He even healed me of my bitterness towards my past circumstances. I was able to fully forgive the person who had wronged me as a child. And God has even used me to minister to others who have been through those same unfortunate circumstances. So yes, there is a purpose for everything.
Oh, since then, my mother has been healed of her cancer. She is now in remission. I started a tradition with her when she was bald, where every night before I went to bed, I would give her a goodnight kiss and then kiss her bald little head. I wanted her to know that no matter what she looked like to the world...she was an angel to me. And now that her hair has fully come back...I still kiss her head after I give her a goodnight kiss. She always tells me, "Kelly, you don't have to do that anymore..." and I always reply, "But I want to, it's our new tradtion." You see, in my doing that every night, it doesn't allow me to ever forget what my mother went through...for me. Because honestly...if she never got cancer...I seriously don't think I ever would have let down the wall I had built up around myself to shelter me from God. I'm sorry she went through all she did...but I'm not sorry she got cancer...what causes death in many others, brought me new life.