I'm new on this forum. I really don't have anywhere to turn on issues like what I'm dealing with now.
Today my husband got a call from my brother telling him that my nephew was hit by a car and killed today.
This is a very difficult situation because I do not talk with my extended family, nor have I for the past 3 years. Around 5 Years ago, another sibling of mine lost a child, and they made it clear that they didn't care if I was there or not. A few years later another death in the family happened and I went for the funeral. At the funeral I was ousted by my entire family. The entire experience left me sick and I struggled with their sudden cruelness towards me. I left and for years felt that they had all driven a knife in my back. I cut them off. I changed my phone number and told my children to block their numbers. It was really an unexpected change with my extended family. It was very painful and I've struggled with it now for years. It's like I died to them. And to me, it's like I'm dead. I lost my best friends for no reason that I can even imagine.
I had always been there for them if they needed anything. I was one of the youngest kids so I basically babysat their children while I was growing up so I didn't have much of a teenage life.
Not one person there ever tried to contact me or even explain to me why I'm suddenly hated so much by everyone there. I live hundreds of miles away so I was never there to defend myself, but whatever happened they all suddenly just hated me and I knew it from the way they treated me. It was really bad.
I don't understand why they would wait until a horrible death to try to get in touch with me. I loved my nephew. He was one of the best kids with one of the most amazing personalities out of everyone I've ever known.
I won't go there as last time it was like I was in the lions den. Why would I go there to be treated terribly by all of them? It's clear they don't want me there. My being there will just make things harder on them. It's hurtful that they waited until a tragedy to contact me. And only one family member reached out. I didn't speak to him, my husband did.
I'm very upset that he has died. I pray that he knew the Lord. I pray for my sister and her family. Though I won't be there as I know I'm not wanted, I still can't take the idea of the pain his family must be in right now.
There is zero chance of reconciliation, but I still mourn for my beautiful nephew. May He be in God's loving hands now.
Please pray for his family.
Dear one,
I understand that you are confused by the attitude of your extended family; why they have reacted that way and not responded the way you expected.
I understand you are grieving for your nephew, but they are grieving over the loss of their son. They may have felt more pain than you do.
You may not have understood that they are going different stage of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
On the first 30 days, they felt hard to sort what happened to their son than their feelings for you. May be they like to deny what happened and like to feel better that they can be angry at someone. They don’t know whether these sort of reasonings even feasible. Even after 30 days, they may still melt from anxiety and grief and have gone to depression. They may not be prepared to accept the reality.
Dear one, forgive them; they may not know what they have said or done. They are in the darkest days of their life.
Dear one, send something to them; food or gifts ; console even with words, though they may not reply, but when they are ready, they know your words of love comfort them and enlightened them to be revived in strength of the Lord.
So dear one, seek the strength of the Lord so that you can pray to release forgiveness to them who wronged you.
Yes, dear one, bear with your extended family for all their tantrums, or even their humiliation. Ask the Lord to strengthen your heart through His Spirit that you can love them the way Jesus loves us.
So dear one, I understand whether your nephew has not known the Lord and that the Lord take him to His side. Let it rest.
Now pray ardently on behalf of your extended family and your own family that God keep you all from all evil and protect your going out and coming in forever.
Dear one, I understand you may long for reconciliation and brought peace with your extended family. Pray and believe that you receive them. It will be yours.
So dear one, pray that you all may not melt from anxiety and grief. Yes, pray that you may all be revived in keeping with the words of God.
Remember this is what we have heard:
Remember your word to your servant, in which you have made me hope. -Psalms 119:49
This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life. -Psalms 119:50 ESV
This [comfort] has come to me,
because I observe your precepts.-Psalms 119: 56 CJB
For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. -2 Corinthians 1:5 ESV
So dear one, if you suffered for what is right, you suffer for Christ’s sake. Rejoice that you are counted worthy to partake His suffering.
If you suffered for what is wrong, repent — that you may be found in His grace.
Endure patiently, dear one.
May God give you strength as every morning you wait for His steadfast love.