I think I am really going insane , I can no longer trust my feelings . I pray alot for clarification , but end up with more questions . I thought that maybe writing this stuff out , might at the very least , give me a little relief .
My husband , whom I am seperated from , by his choice , just doesnt seem to be able to make a clean cut choice in what he wants out of all this . He will go from completely wanting the marriage to end (when he left) , to needing time , but we would work on things . Then again to not wanting to work on things , then to questioning his choices . We spent some time together over this last weekend . It seemed to go well , he made an effort to focus just on me , we talked , we watched Fireproof . We had a good time . Then again on weds day , he stated he needed to work things out and needed his space. I can not take the wishy washy back and forth , its feels like it is literally killing me inside . I know divorce is wrong , and have not wanted to give up . Ive tried giving the space and just praying and waiting . Each time that he has a "turn around" I believe it is Gods work on him , and then the enemy steps right on in . I am a mess . This last time that he said he needed his space I said fine take what you need do what you need to . I know he has inner demons he has to work through . Then I see where he has gotten in touch with a certain female , that before we were married or even met , he used to go to swingers clubs with and meet up with people with from sites that were geared toward that type of thing . I also had seen messages where he was planning to meet up with her while we were married and he had to travel to see my stepson . He hasnt talked to her in a long time , and now she is back in contact . I am not sure who initiated the "friend request" on one of the social sites . Just a normal one (FB) . I only saw it because he is still one of my friends , and I saw where she was writing to him on his page . It crushed me like nothing I was expecting . I went through the all the extremes of emotion when I saw this . Is this what he needs his space for ? I suppose only he can answer that , but I am just sooooooo uggghhhhh i dont even know the word to describe how I am feeling right now . Just please keep me in your prayers .
Thats it for now , feel free to respond , if nothing else it would be nice to have someone to talk to .
God Bless
Miccy
My husband , whom I am seperated from , by his choice , just doesnt seem to be able to make a clean cut choice in what he wants out of all this . He will go from completely wanting the marriage to end (when he left) , to needing time , but we would work on things . Then again to not wanting to work on things , then to questioning his choices . We spent some time together over this last weekend . It seemed to go well , he made an effort to focus just on me , we talked , we watched Fireproof . We had a good time . Then again on weds day , he stated he needed to work things out and needed his space. I can not take the wishy washy back and forth , its feels like it is literally killing me inside . I know divorce is wrong , and have not wanted to give up . Ive tried giving the space and just praying and waiting . Each time that he has a "turn around" I believe it is Gods work on him , and then the enemy steps right on in . I am a mess . This last time that he said he needed his space I said fine take what you need do what you need to . I know he has inner demons he has to work through . Then I see where he has gotten in touch with a certain female , that before we were married or even met , he used to go to swingers clubs with and meet up with people with from sites that were geared toward that type of thing . I also had seen messages where he was planning to meet up with her while we were married and he had to travel to see my stepson . He hasnt talked to her in a long time , and now she is back in contact . I am not sure who initiated the "friend request" on one of the social sites . Just a normal one (FB) . I only saw it because he is still one of my friends , and I saw where she was writing to him on his page . It crushed me like nothing I was expecting . I went through the all the extremes of emotion when I saw this . Is this what he needs his space for ? I suppose only he can answer that , but I am just sooooooo uggghhhhh i dont even know the word to describe how I am feeling right now . Just please keep me in your prayers .
Thats it for now , feel free to respond , if nothing else it would be nice to have someone to talk to .
God Bless
Miccy