It hurts

Hi guys, I'm new here and I need some help.

I'm a Sophmore in highschool right now and I've been really good friends and liked a girl for two years now and she has liked me too and we get along very well. About 8 months ago she told me that she would really like it if I didn't hug other girls because she would get jealous and we laughed about it and I said "sure, no problem" and then I asked her if she could do the same for me except for guys and she said "no problem". Today during class we were working on a project and a Junior walks in who I know is really great friends with her. And I'm completely cool with that, they're great friends and I know it. But what happens was totally unexpected, he says something about a hug and she says "OK!" and pops up and goes over and hugs him. I'm in complete shock and I can't believe what just happened. She won't even hug me in front of her friends but she's willing to hug this Junior in front of our entire class. I was utterly destroyed and I had no idea what to say. I asked her if she hugs any other guys and she promptly tells me no. Then I asked her how often she hugs the Junior and she replies "i didn't hug him". I have no idea how to react and I'm extremely annoyed at this point because not only is she blatantly lying to me but she won't even tell me anything. So now I feel like for these past 8 months I've been living a lie and she had promised to not hug other guys. She told me that she was sorry and she had forgotten, which I think is very understandable because it has been almost a year since we agreed to this. But now I feel like all those "other guys" that she spends so much time with she has been freely hugging and I just feel completely devastated because I have kept my end of the promise and I haven't hugged or even come into close contact with any other girl. I really don't know what to think, I really like this girl and she's also a Christian and just a nice girl overall but I don't know what to do about this. She feels comfortable hugging other guy friends in front of a full classroom of our peers whereas I can't even hug her without her pulling away awkwardly in front of our friends.

Yea, I know some of that was repetitive but I'm just so befuddled right now that I don't even know what to say anymore and I don't have anyone to talk to about it either. I talked to her older sister about it (senior) and she told me to not worry about it and I really want to believe her but I feel like I'm no longer that "special" person to her. I used to feel like our hugs meant something special to both of us but now I'm not sure. I'll suck it up and admit that I've already cried about it and prayed to God to give me understanding but I still feel betrayed and I feel like I'm in shambles right now. I don't want to lose her and she's my best friend and I love her so much but I just can't believe what she's been doing. I really need a shoulder to cry on right now but I don't have one because if something this bad were to happen to me I would be crying on her shoulders. I tried talking to her about it afterwards and she said "I don't understand why you get annoyed when I hug other guys" and I replied "Well it's sort of like how you'd get annoyed if I hugged another girl" and she said "Seriously I wouldn't mind if you hugged another girl" which is the complete opposite response of what I was hoping for. Now I feel almost like her object of pleasure that she uses when she wants a hug and then tossed aside after she's done.


Sorry for it being so long-winded.

Thanks in advance

Hmmm, that's tough... :/ Girls are just too complicated right? Well, all of humanity is...but anyway, I don't know what I could possibly say to help; but keep praying and reeeeally listening to God's advice, and what He has to say. Go with your gut feeling on what to do next. Praying for you that everything works out for the greater good, and that things will get better for you soon!

The best advice I could offer you is that you should talk to her and try to explain why it bothers you so. You dont need to hug other girls or try to get a emotion out of her that way. You should pray and try to relax a little bit, its just a hug.

weren't you on christian teen forums?

It is only hugging though. It isn't like she's going around kissing all these guys. Girls hug a lot of people, and they really don't care. It isn't as big as of a deal as you're making it out to be.

It may seem very important, but mate, understand it is just hugging. However, this is a learning process for you, so go to God because he cares about you and this situation you are in.

God told me personally that "I can do anything I want, so cast your cares upon me because I care for you" (God).

You are so young, and there is so much more to life than hugs.

Calm down

Its really not a big deal. Girls like to hug people. Crazy right? I think that you are making something out of nothing. Try telling her how you feel about that and maybe she will understand.

You are so very young to be so stressed about a hug. You need to worry less and enjoy the friendship.

What a ho. A HUG!? HOW DARE SHE!?!

Try not to read so much into the hugs. I personally hug just about everyone. A hug can just be a hug sometimes. Don't let jealousy over power your thoughts. Just make sure when you hug her, you hug her extra tight so she knows that your hugs are special!

Phoenix