Is this nerves or....not what God wants me to do???

I've been going to a new church since October. It is a wonderful place. I have felt so welcome and people are so friendly. I've made a friend there and we are going to start a book study on TD Jakes book about working in hostile environments - this is a VERY good read btw.

I am starting to freak out because we're going to put and announcement in the bulletin. I've never facilitated a study before (just a session of one many years ago). I don't know if I'm just getting REALLY cold feet but I am starting to freak out with nerves about my name going in the bulletin as a facilitator as someone fairly new to the church. Maybe I am making a big deal out of nothing. I would like to serve in some way and I am sure it is not THAT scary of a thing. I am just not feeling peaceful about it.

I'm kinda worried too as it's at my place, which is small but cozy. If only say 6 people come, that would be perfect. I hope that is all or less. So far 4-6 are interested. Maybe I'm worrying for nothing. What is the worst that can happen? I would be hosting/facilitating for 20 people on a weeknight!! That's the other thing. It's Tuesday night...7-9 so I'm worried about it running much over that. I am an early to bed kinda person and tire easily - especially lately!! Aggh!! Here goes my anxiety again. The ad has not gone into the bulletin but are people going to think it weird me being so new and facilitating a group? Pastor knows and doesn't seem to have any issue with it and thinks the topic is great. I wonder if this girl, who is super well-meaning, has run ahead of God on this... though she said she's wanted to do a study on a work-related topic and I mentioned this book and she felt it an answer to prayer. I offered to host and then she suggested I facilitate. Maybe I should have said no but I thought it would be a neat way to serve and get to know some new friends.....now I am all nervous!

How SHOULD I be thinking about this? Would love your feedback... hope it can be given kindly...

Your anxiety isn't really about God not wanting you to do this, it is entirely due to being the facilitator of a group and public speaking. It's a common fear.

If I may make a suggestion, I know of a strategy that will help you to have something to say as you go along. As you're reading the book (before the get together), take post-it-notes and write out questions and highlight specific parts you find noteworthy. Then, write out the questions on slips of paper and have every person who comes to the book discussion pick a slip of paper so they can help get the ball rolling with their own views on each question, etcetera. I've seen this done quite well in church run book clubs. Everyone also brings pot-luck type stuff too, so there is a time of fellowship after.

Thanks... maybe it is just extremely cold feet. Part of me wants to do this, part of me wants to RUNNNN!!!!!!!! I'm hoping we stay on target for 7-9, so a potluck type thing after may be a bit too much... I guess I am just imaging worst case scenario..... I do want to serve in the church and get to know people so this is a great way to do so... plus stepping out of my comfort zone in this way is probably good and He's leading me in a whole new career and THAT will be out of my comfort zone too once I get going with that.

You're worried for nothing when it comes to the part about being too new for this. Just prepare carefully for the program and the visitors. Take a nap that day, if you can. But I suspect that the buzz of activity and your nerves will keep you from getting drowsy anyway!

The only thing that I see that is a genuine worry is the number of people you can accommodate. Since the publication hasn't happened yet, I'd think that it would be fair for the announcement to say "Make your reservation early. This event is limited to 8 people" or whatever you decide. That kind of language is routine for many kinds of seminars, etc.

That's an idea too. That's what my friend suggested doing but I was "bold" and said maybe we should trust God to bring the right number of people!!! There are 4 for sure coming now... and maybe 2 others but they're not 100%. Work colleagues of my friends. To me, that is the best #. 6. How do you word it without being exclusive? I just hate to have to word it that only so many can attend. Their other small groups don't appear to be limited to a certain #. Maybe I do need to buck up and just trust God that the whole church won't come lol...

PS I work 9-5 so no napping the day of the study...good suggestion otherwise!!

hazeleyes72 said:

That's an idea too. That's what my friend suggested doing but I was "bold" and said maybe we should trust God to bring the right number of people!!! There are 4 for sure coming now... and maybe 2 others but they're not 100%. Work colleagues of my friends. To me, that is the best #. 6. How do you word it without being exclusive?

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I think it is best to let the pastor know about your 'big crowd' anxiety. Perhaps get your friend or the pastor to help you co-host, as that can work too. Perhaps say you need to hear from everyone by a certain deadline. Once the bulletin goes out though, I think you're kind of stuck with whatever comes your way, so to speak. Always set the parameters before the public announcement is made.

I honestly wouldn't get too worked up with anxiety even if you draw a larger crowd. The book club at my parish draws a lot of people and we take turns at people's homes and even in the church hall with a potluck every time. It can be casual but on point. Have everyone sit in a circle too- so you're all looking at each other instead of everyone in rows staring at you.

hazeleyes72 said:

That's an idea too. That's what my friend suggested doing but I was "bold" and said maybe we should trust God to bring the right number of people!!! There are 4 for sure coming now... and maybe 2 others but they're not 100%. Work colleagues of my friends. To me, that is the best #. 6. How do you word it without being exclusive?

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Well, it's common to have something like "Space is limited, so make your reservation early. The maximum size for this class/study/gathering/event) is set at 6 people."

But I don't think you absolutely have to say that space is limited if you don't want to discuss your own residence, its size, etc. in that way in an announcement that goes out to the whole church (?). What I'm most concerned about is that you apparently have 4 commitments already and space for only two more--and the announcement has not been made yet.

Since not many more are going to be eligible, I would clear this with the pastor in advance. There's the chance that he might say that you and he really need to find somewhere bigger, regardless of who is the facilitator. Since most people can accommodate more than a half dozen in their living room, he might have assumed that you can also. I don't know, of course, what he knows or what you two have discussed.

I can accommodate up to 11 people - that's how much seating I have... I'd just personally prefer this smaller.... then again maybe I need to practice my hospitality skills and truly trust that God will bring the right #!!... I offered to host since I don't have a vehicle... I didn't actually give that as a reason though... not driving is definitely limiting!! That is a whole other post...lol

Has your church trained you to facilitate the group? If not, do you have any facilitation skills you've learned elsewhere? Have you been to groups before and noticed how other facilitators operate?

I've been facilitating for a long time, from very structured recovery groups to open support groups, and the best advice I can give is to stay on topic. It's soooo easy for people to get carried away talking of other things. Don't let that happen. Right away in the first few meetings, I've actually stated straight out that we are there to talk about this particular subject, everyone needs a chance to respond, and any discussion or advice can be done after the session. Then give enough time, maybe 15-20 minutes for mingling after, where people can visit with each other.

It is really important on those first few nights to establish some guidelines - cell phones off, come prepared, don't hog the floor, stay on topic, don't interrupt, respect others' views, etc. Let them know that IF you notice things getting off topic, you will bring it back by reminding them of the topic. You can do this by asking someone how what they are saying relates to the topic at hand, etc.

I think staying on topic is one of the biggest and most important keys to facilitation, ending at the right end-time.

Good for you for volunteering to host a small group! That's a big step, a big commitment, and really brave of you. I am sure your group members and your church appreciate your service.

Oh wow, Valley Girl, thank you for such a kind post and I agree getting off topic is the worst. As it is a work night, I really want to end on time!! As part of my new career, I'll be leading groups (of a different nature). I have been trained professionally sort of via an actual school course in that way. I made a rough outline of how the sessions will go. My friend who is co-facilitating in a way - she's taking a few minutes to do a related discussion - so that will help I'm sure and she's had years of experience facilitating. Since I suggested the book, she asked me to facilitate.

Btw guys...I do feel a little less anxiety-ridden so I appreciate all of your posts!!!!!!! The study starts in just over a week...it should go in next week's bulletin - not a lot of time prior too... and we are running it every other week til the end of June...

hazeleyes72 said:

I can accommodate up to 11 people - that's how much seating I have... I'd just personally prefer this smaller..

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Great. Announcing that attendance is capped at 10 sounds a whole lot better than 6 for some reason. And most people would say that this is about what the average person can comfortably handle in the average home.

then again maybe I need to practice my hospitality skills and truly trust that God will bring the right # in!!.

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Personally, I could see trusting God to bring people, period, and make it a success. To expect him to not allow more than 4 or 5 additional people, if there's no mention of a limit on size in the bulletin and the whole congregation is being informed of the event is poor planning IMO. I don't count on God to bail me out when I haven't done my part. But that's just the way I'd look at things.

You can set the cap at a certain number of people and
make sure the whole bible study is over before the 9 p.m.
Be kind but firm.

Everyone that says they want to come, probably won't be able to come.

Great of you to be stepping out and relying on Yahweh.

BFine said:

You can set the cap at a certain number of people and
make sure the whole bible study is over before the 9 p.m.
Be kind but firm.

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Yes. Chances are that, because it's a work night, at least one or two of those attending is going to have to get going by 9PM also.

And when that happens, it usually causes the wider body to begin to break up or at least for others to comment on the need for them to get going shortly too. So, from the facilitator's perspective, it takes care of itself. One more reason for Hazel Eyes not to worry unnecessarily.

You're worrying yourself to death over things that may not even happen! Stop that, it's a total waste of your time and energy

Stop worrying about space and seating. Think about people who cram into huddled, back-alley rooms to hear the Word in other countries where the Bible is banned and Christians get arrested. They don't care about seating or comfort, they're there to hear about God's Word!

It IS your home, so there's nothing wrong with having ground rules and expectations for people coming in, including what time the session will end. Two hours is plenty of time, IMHO. Maybe start wrapping it up and close the group around 8:45, so people can take their time saying goodbyes, getting their coats, etc, without feeling rushed.

Thanks everyone. I do feel less freaked out and anxious. It'll probably go fine and is a good way to begin to serve, that is different in ways I have served before. The timing is great as I am meeting with one of the pastors tomorrow night to chat.. we have only met in passing. This church has been great so far. I was at another church for nearly 20 years and there was a bad split recently. I stayed until just this past October (a year or so after said split). I don't leave anything lightly but felt I needed to go somewhere that was, though not perfect - no such thing - at least healthy. I believe healing of some hurts might even be taking place because of the nice welcome I've received here. I feel like dancing for joy after some services because people notice me, talk to me, and care/I am not 'invisible' . Not that people at my old church didn't...they did... it's just different here. I know it's not all about me but compared to some experiences I have had (not just at church) this is a GREAT thing.