No I wasn't. I had to train that part of me because being more rash than does not benefit me as a person, nor is it conducive to the outcomes I want and need. It still exists, I try not to show it here.
Self-control is an admirable strength and one I hold in high esteem. It makes an incredible difference in your relationship when it's present. And when it dwells with both you'll rarely have conflict. That may sound impossible but it's not.
I dated someone in the past and we never argued in all the time we've been acquainted. I've never raised my voice to him nor he has done the same. It never crossed our mind to bicker. He was reared in a home when differences were handled privately. He never heard it. I was too young to remember my parent's disagreements.
We process discomfort in silence and settle ourselves before addressing the issue. That's why we're calm. Yelling makes me nervous. Not out of fear. It's unsettling and peace is preferable. I respond similarly to anger. Too much and I become skittish. I'm uncertain why. I do better with calm temperaments.
Yes, that is true - and my point with all this is that it dismayed me over the years to find women here who profess the faith and have some of those attitudes that are universally bad. It's one thing if it's all non-Christian women who have those. I can't expect better of non-Christian women even though some are better than others. But in the church - I should be able to expect much better of women as a baseline, but I no longer can. I believe there are still women in the church who really do get it and really do have what I need to have in a wife, but having those Godly morals and qualities shouldn't be exceptional in the church, they should be standard. From what I've seen, that's not the case, and that's a problem.
We're all influenced by our surroundings and the messages we consume. The impact differs for each but no one's unscathed. Women are heavily indoctrinated. It takes great acuity and resistance to push the bad morsels out. Especially when they're touted at home, school and amongst your peers. A few will take root and I'd assume the same holds true for men.
In spite of my delight and support for traditional values I haven't gone untouched. I didn't hear feminist rhetoric but I've had my share of wrong influences in my ear. I've addressed a lot with the Lord's help but I'm still not done. There's room for improvement.
What's helped me thus far is recognizing that others have similar dilemmas. Some beliefs are tied to painful experiences that must be addressed beforehand. And we still have blindspots. That's when we require input from those who see what we don't.
Oftentimes we're desirous of a response and others aren't aware. They can't read between the lines or hear our hearts. We have to assist them when possible. You may need to hear it's okay or something pertinent to your experience. But I can't read your mind nor can others. We must be willing to open just a tad and let them in.
I try to affirm what I sense and encourage what's hidden. But if I've missed the mark I'm sorry. I haven't had a lot of years with Christian peers. My companions lived differently. I'm still learning as are the rest. God willing we'll get better.
~bella