Is it ok to go camping with your gf/bf?

Alibear · Mar 15, 2007

Hi,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for six months. In May we are thinking about going camping for about a week together. We are committed to not having sex until marriage, so we would in the same tent but with separate sleeping bags. Please give me your thoughts on this. Is it right/wrong? What about the image it gives other people?

I realize lots of people would see it and think, "an unmarried Christian couple, camping and sleeping in the same tent...they must be having sex and are therefore hypocrites". Just because this is what some people might automatically assume, are we condemned to not do anything together until we are married a couple years down the road? This would not make sense to me, as I feel that a week camping would be a great way to get to know your gf/bf even more.

So basically, is it wrong to go camping, even though we will not be doing anything "wrong", just because somebody might assume we are?

pepperfish · Mar 15, 2007

Personally I don't see any problem with it. I don't particularly care if people assume something untrue when my boyfriend and I have sleepovers, so that part of your question wouldn't even be a factor in my decision.

There was a thread similar to this recently about going on vacation and staying in the same room as someone of the opposite sex, and in my opinion if you are both committed to waiting for sex (as you said you are), and you're able to avoid any temptation, then there will be no problem. A lot of others on CF seem to think that the only reason a couple would want to spend the night together/whatever other activity that involves sleeping near each other (like camping, obviously) would be to tempt themselves to have premarital sex. I could not disagree with this more: I don't think (all) Christians are constantly thinking of sex.

I guess the point of my rambling is this: if you and she both know that you won't have any problems with temptation, the camping trip sounds like a great idea. And you're right, it will be a very nice way to spend time with her and get to know her. I wouldn't worry too much what others think.

AceHero · Mar 15, 2007

If you guys remained pure in your actions, sure, it'd be fine, but I guarantee people would talk about you. If your girlfriend was over at your house and it was really late so she decided to sleep on the couch, when she leaves the next morning people are going to assume you slept together.

In my opinion, if I was in this situation, I would invite some other peopleguys and girls to go camping with us and take two tents. The more the merrier. Plus there'd definitely be less of a temptation to sin.

seehimcoming · Mar 15, 2007

I dont see a problem as long you guys dont break the commitment .

AceHero · Mar 16, 2007

seehimcoming said:
I dont see a problem as long you guys dont break the commitment .

But it'd be so tempting! A guy and a girl in one tentwhat else would you expect? Especially a week! Perhaps my question should be, "What are your intentions for this trip?"

pepperfish · Mar 16, 2007

AceHero said:
But it'd be so tempting! A guy and a girl in one tentwhat else would you expect? Especially a week! Perhaps my question should be, "What are your intentions for this trip?"

Seriously, do people really assume that the ONLY thing a couple wants to do is have sex?? The OP already stated that this trip will be a great way for them to get to know each other, and I completely agree with him.

I would say that if a couple can't spend time alone together without being overcome by temptation, there's a problem. I think it's wonderful that there are others who have relationships built on a genuine emotional connection, rather than some superficial physical desire.

Also...if my SO "expected" something sexual just because we spend lots of time alone (yes, even if we were in a tent, for a week ) I would drop him in a second. And vice versa.

shaslove · Mar 18, 2007

I just think you are asking for trouble....

I am not saying u are doing anything. The Bible DOES say we are to be beyond reproach....

Would you allow your children to do what you are considering?

princessellie · Mar 18, 2007

i don't see a problem, yes some people will make false assumptions, but those are the people that likely to be tempted in that situation so therefore think that everyone would fall to temptation

my SO and i are planning to go away camping for 4 days over Easter, we will be alone in a tent but we know that we can trust ourselves and oneanother, if we couldnt i wouldnt think about putting us in that situatiuon

javaluver · Mar 18, 2007

I'm not really sure. We have talked about it and we know that we wouldn't do anything but we wouldn't want to give the appearance that we were. It has nothing to do with temptation but if we end up pastoring a church one day we don't want there to be any speculation as to whether or not we slept together before we were married. So I guess I don't really have any advice to give you but I do completely understand your dilemma. Pray about it though!

Assisi · Mar 19, 2007

I would advise against it. You are Christian and are (probably) surrounded by other young Christians, possibly including younger siblings. Some of these people will know you have made a commitment and intend to stick to it, others will make incorrect assumptions. I'm not saying you should care about what others think of you if they gossip or think badly of you. What I do suggest you should care about is the people who will make incorrect assumptions about your activities and who also see that you are good Christians. Young Christians can be led to think that sex while dating is okay because they think that other young Christians are doing it. I have seen this happen so many times. And talking to the younger ones who have made the assumptions and trying to teach them about the Bible's message on premarital sex has sooo much less impact on them. They have already 'seen' what 'the truth' of the matter is.

Don't do it. You may lead others into sin, and make it harder for the leaders of your church to preach the truth to these young people. The Bible says we should not make our brother stumble. I know it is a sacrifice to miss out on things like this when you're dating. But people will notice that you are not 'of the world'. Witnessing through these sacrifices brings many people closer to Christ (perhaps for the first time). It is beautiful to be able to witness in this way. You will see the fruit of this sacrifice not only in the people around you, but also in your future marriage. Trust me, we have seen it.

Assisi · Mar 19, 2007

Alibear said:
Just because this is what some people might automatically assume, are we condemned to not do anything together until we are married a couple years down the road? This would not make sense to me, as I feel that a week camping would be a great way to get to know your gf/bf even more.

I didn't see this bit of your post when I first read it. I can see what you're saying, but this is the same argument that a lot of people use to justify living together before marriage and even sex before marriage. But the thing is that spending the week together like this is probably actually not going to be good for your relationship. In my experience, the couples who have done this sort of thing have ended up a bit worse for wear after spending the week together.

I really do understand how you feel, my husband and I were dating/engaged for over four years and in that time our couple friends started living together and going on holidays with each other etc. It was very hard not to be doing those things, but it really strengthened our relationship. We were able to demonstrate our commitment to each other and to Christ, and that is a powerful thing. Looking back, those of us who waited for marriage in the little things (eg sharing a tent/room on hols) as well as the big things (eg sex) are the ones with strong marriages. Those of us who didn't wait in the little things, even if they did in the big things, are the ones having problems already.

TeslaZ · Mar 19, 2007

yes if you have mutual respect for eachother why not ???

Lludmila · Mar 19, 2007

well here's my thing: i have gone out of state for nearly a week with my lover upon several occasions; we're both virgins.
i am lucky enough to live very near him even though i live in a rural area and stuff is pretty spread around and distant.
i am very glad that we have stayed the night together; it gives a hint at what living with him will be like.
he does not snore. i am really sticky about that thing in particular. I couldn't take it if i knew he snores.
and btw, guys CAN sleep in the same room as a girl w/o going nuts. he works construction, and is dog-tired at the end of the day. He takes a shower, comes over to my famiy's home and crashes on my couch. sometimes i go over there and cuddle with him and after being there a while finally wakes up................
i dont know. i think every person should decide between themselves and God what they are all about.

miss_klara · Mar 20, 2007

This is tricky and I've been kind of going through the same thing as you... Basically, I'm a youth leader and had been spending weekends at my boyfriend's holiday house, with his entire family. My youth pastor got wind of it and approached me and basically advised me against it.
Firstly, it doesn't even matter what your intentions are. It doesn't matter how pure you guys can be. Heck, you can be praying and doing devotions together till the wee hours, and it would be Biblically incorrect. As others have said, we need to be beyond reproach, and a couple who go away for the weekend with no form of accountability (ie another person) are disapproved of within the church. Why? Because as humans, especially in this sex-staurated world, we assume the worst. As others have said, we cause others to stumble, especially as we are all leaders in the church in some way, shape or form. My 'clarity group' of impressionable year 6/7 girls can say in a few years time "well, Klara and Chris spent weekends together, so it must be OK." I'm their role model, and I'm setting examples to them in everything I do. All they see is I'm spending weekends staying with my boyfriend, which is a pretty worldly thing.
The other thing my youth pastor brought up is that it's best to save those little intimacies till marriage - falling asleep beside each other is a huge deal, whether or not it seems like it, and it's something that I'm really looking forward to when I'm married. Things like going away together, owning pets together, sleeping beside each other, etc will be a whole lot sweeter if you wait until marriage.
As a Christian couple, it does get harder, and of course it's easier and more enjoyable to comply to the worldly kind of relationship. But let this teach you patience and self control. You'll be soooo much better off for it. I know that it's hard though....

MrsSeptemberPenguin · Mar 20, 2007

I think there is a fine line. I don't personally see the problem with it except that you are possibly asking for trouble. God does tell us to avoid temptation and the appearance of evil. So in that case, I'd be hard put to say it was ok. Is there any chance you could have someone else come along? Or even another couple? Guys in one tent girls in another? or even a 2 room tent? Just some ideas, because while you're committed, people do stumble.

Paddington · Mar 20, 2007

I think if YOU know that you're not doing anything wrong and you're not going to then it doesn't really matter what other people think. It's about what God *knows* you're doing not what other people *think* you're doing!

Lludmila · Mar 20, 2007

Paddington said:
I think if YOU know that you're not doing anything wrong and you're not going to then it doesn't really matter what other people think. It's about what God *knows* you're doing not what other people *think* you're doing!

yeah i think you are right; i think a lot of people would be surprised to know what we have (and have NOT) done, but i feel that it is really not the business of the masses what my lover and i do...
incidentally, my lover has tagged alongon my family's trips, too. me, my parents, my brother and he all pile into our car and have all stayed at my grandma's, and she is VERY conservative......... and my lover and i stay w/ his brother when we go out of state.

Weasel7711 · Mar 20, 2007

It all depends on the situation. I know if I ever went camping with my GF we would definitely have separate tents. It would look bad to other people if we had the same one, plus I don't trust myself very much. You should talk about it and really think about the amount of temptation you will be putting yourselves in. It isn't wrong in itself but it does put each of you in a tempting situation. If you can handle it and you can both keep a lid on your passions then go for it. I would advise against the same tent thing though.

seehimcoming · Mar 20, 2007

miss_klara said:
This is tricky and I've been kind of going through the same thing as you... Basically, I'm a youth leader and had been spending weekends at my boyfriend's holiday house, with his entire family. My youth pastor got wind of it and approached me and basically advised me against it.
Firstly, it doesn't even matter what your intentions are. It doesn't matter how pure you guys can be. Heck, you can be praying and doing devotions together till the wee hours, and it would be Biblically incorrect. As others have said, we need to be beyond reproach, and a couple who go away for the weekend with no form of accountability (ie another person) are disapproved of within the church. Why? Because as humans, especially in this sex-staurated world, we assume the worst. As others have said, we cause others to stumble, especially as we are all leaders in the church in some way, shape or form. My 'clarity group' of impressionable year 6/7 girls can say in a few years time "well, Klara and Chris spent weekends together, so it must be OK." I'm their role model, and I'm setting examples to them in everything I do. All they see is I'm spending weekends staying with my boyfriend, which is a pretty worldly thing.
The other thing my youth pastor brought up is that it's best to save those little intimacies till marriage - falling asleep beside each other is a huge deal, whether or not it seems like it, and it's something that I'm really looking forward to when I'm married. Things like going away together, owning pets together, sleeping beside each other, etc will be a whole lot sweeter if you wait until marriage.
As a Christian couple, it does get harder, and of course it's easier and more enjoyable to comply to the worldly kind of relationship. But let this teach you patience and self control. You'll be soooo much better off for it. I know that it's hard though....

you just echoed the words of a guy who is a super christian he's kinda my mentor ... i have to rethink my position on this topic. Its going to be so hard.

Blank123 · Mar 23, 2007

hm... i don't think i'd ever go camping alone with him and certainly not in the same tent i think that's just be asking for trouble.

now if we were going camping with some friends or family it'd probably be okay because there would be others around to keep us accountable and there wouldn't be any speculation what really happened

Is it ok to go camping with your gf/bf?

Is it ok to go camping with your gf/bf?

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