interracial relationships

I see nothing wrong with interracial relationships. We are all equal in the eyes of God. Here is a nice article from a Conservative Christian apologetics site about this. The article is about interracial marriage though:

http://www.christiananswers.net/q-sum/sum-g003.html

Interacial relationships are a wonderful thing...just as any relationship is. My fiance is not of my race so I understand some of the problems that you may be considering. However, I am the one that may not be well received when visiting the family. It would be important to understand why your parents do not approve. I think that is key. I have never really understood why people are so afraid of things that are different? Different is good! Anyways, just my two cents.

First you must pause to consider the situation fully. How old are you and do you feel you are persuing this relationship for possible marriage?

Are your parents against interracial relationships or are they completely intolerant of other races?

Are you sure he is a Christian man?

How long have you known him?

If your parents don't approve of him and you fall in love, are you ready for the grief you may have to bear if you marry? (Your parents may do many things, on up to not even acknowledging you are a family member).

Find out please, first, if you really want to be with this person seriously before introducing him to your parents or persuing a relationship. Make sure you have what it takes between the both of you to make it go.

carolinagirl2518 said:

i know this has been a subject before, but i am bringing it up again. i am attempting to pursue an interracial relationship that my parents completely disagree with. he is black and i am white. we are both christians. they have never met him before, and have no biblical ground. so i guess what i am looking for is advice on my parents. how do i make them change their minds? is anyone in a similar situation?

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Under no circumstance persue any kind of relationship in order just to be different and noticeable to people. It is an attempt to elevate one's own ego by mocking God.

"Be not deceived, God is not mocked,..." (Gal.6:7)

Why does a relationship have to have a wedding connected with it? When I was in high school and a Christian at the time, that kind of thought was the farthest from my mind. What does she have to lose by dating someone out of her race? Seriously? Someone please give me one reason as to why it is wrong!

Moved from GA. That is why there are Non-Christian posts here. Nobody be alarmed.

Welcome carolinagirl, to CF!

My personal opinion is that most parents want their children to have healthy, happy relationships with people who are good for them. While you should honor your parents, you do not have to accept their prejudices as your own.

I suggest praying praying praying...if God truly wants you to pursue some sort of relationship with this man, then He will have to soften the hearts of your parents.

Couple of questions:

1. Would your parents disagree with it to the point where it would divide your family?
2. How long have you known him?

I mean, my parents would not be thrilled if I entered into a relationship with someone of another race; however, they would not disown me nor would it cause a rift between myself and my family. Granted, like E-Beth said, you don't have to ascribe to your parents' prejudices but in all honesty you should honor your parents. Family will be there no matter what so I would suggest unless God has told both of you you're ready for marriage and it is God's will for you two to pursue a relationship with the intentions of seeing if you're compatible for marriage that you refrain from making the decision to commit until you can talk to your parents about it.

Other than that, just pray. Explain to your parents the situation and then pray that God will soften their hearts. Good luck!

TALK TO THEM, sit down and tell them your heart. pray about it first though, thats key in talking to people...and approach them in a way that they do not feel like they are below you!!! they ARE still your parents, and as their child you are commanded to obey them...

I think theres a big cultural difference between a black guy and a white girl. Backgrounds play a huge part in what your relationship is like. If you both have similar backgrounds then i think its probally a good thing.

Do they like any black people? If they do, maybe they should get to know him WITHOUT ANY HINT THAT YOU TWO WILL BE DATING. If they are flat-out racists, you're out of luck, at least until you move out of their house. If I was considering a girl of another race and she was specifically picking me to defy her racist parents, I'd be outta there.

carolinagirl2518 said:

so i guess what i am looking for is advice on my parents. how do i make them change their minds? is anyone in a similar situation?

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Well, you really can't make them change their minds, nor is it your place to do so. What you can do is pray, try to gently persuade, and keep a calm, respectful spirit in all of this. As the parent of two teens, I assure you that a respectful attitude toward your parents will go a long way toward making them more open to whatever you have to say (not that it's a guarantee they'll end up agreeing).

Pray for them to have open hearts, but also pray for grace to accept their decision, whatever it is. I'm basing this part on the assumption that you're still living under your parents' roof, and still financially dependent on them. If you were older and independent, it would be different; you'd be free to make your own decision. Although there's no Scriptural bar to an interracial relationship, I do think that while you're still young and living at home, your parents have veto power over your choice of boyfriend.

pegatha said:

I do think that while you're still young and living at home, your parents have veto power over your choice of boyfriend.

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Wow, really?! To me, that seems sort of interfering... I know some parents are only looking out for their kids' best interests, but even so... sometimes people need to be allowed to make their own decisions and deal with the consequences (good or bad). I do not agree that parents should have veto power, even if you are living with them. I think part of it depends on age- perhaps while you are in elementary school, or even early highschool... but after that, I think they should start treating you as an adult... to prepare you for living on your own and taking care of yourself.

Anyway, this is getting off topic, so I'll just stop talking now!

Well, it's not exactly off topic, because her parents are very much part of the equation. When you're grown up and on your own, you have the right to make your own decisions. The issue here (if I'm understanding the OP's situation) is that someone wants to do something her parents have strong objections to, while she's still depending on them for all or almost all of her financial needs. In other words, she's asking them to pay to support a choice they don't believe in. They have no obligation to do that. She's free to persuade, pray, and reason with them, or she's free to move out and assume responsibility for her own needs, but she's not free to use their resources while she's flouting their rules. (Not saying that's what the OP is doing or thinking of, but I'm trying to generalize the situation a bit.)

Okay, You sound like me a few years ago when I was in high school. LOL I started dating a black guy that was attending the very same type of church I went to and was raised in. I have always lived with my grandparents, so it was an even worse subject to bring up with them. I knew I cared a lot about him, but did not KNOW for sure at that point that he was "the one". After all, I was only 16. I was in no way ready to be married or even looking for the right guy to be married with. Anyway, This guy was wonderful, He was a Christian, played football, didn't do drugs, didn't drink, nothing really "bad" about him. But I knew that my grandparents would not accept it, but I got into the relationship anyway. I knew they wouldn't agree, so I just didn't tell them and I hid the relationship from them. WRONG THING TO DO. I'll just tell you that right now. I was in so much trouble when they found out; mainly because I had been sneaking around and wasn't honest about the whole thing. Anyway, They did disagree, but I didn't care. I couldn't find anything in the Bible telling me that my choice was wrong. (and believe me, honey, I tried. LOL) Then I talked to my preacher about it and found out that his own sister had married a black man and he had 2 nieces that were biracial. So, After talking to him about it and hearing what the Bible had to say, I realized that God had put in my heart to be with this guy, so I just told them, I want to be with him, I care about him, and if you disagree, we don't have to talk about it. But I was going to be with him. And To this day, We are still together and we have a beautiful daughter together. That was 7 years ago and the people in my family who really care about me are still in touch with us. The ones who didn't agree, Are not. But I accept that because I know that they have a lot of growing with God to do to learn to accept things that are beyond their control.

I guess my whole point is, be honest with your parents, tell them to give him a chance and just see if they like him. Tell them about him and let them meet. If it is supposed to be, It will be. God will take care of it for you. You are in my prayers!

Tuffguy said:

I think theres a big cultural difference between a black guy and a white girl. Backgrounds play a huge part in what your relationship is like. If you both have similar backgrounds then i think its probally a good thing.

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I somewhat agree. My husband is white as snow and I'm black. The only cultural difference between my husband and myself is that he was raised as a Christian and I wasn't. I believe if a white person and a black person have never been raised around each other, then there will be cultural differences. Those same differences, in part, are sometimes the cause of parents who don't want to integrate themselves or their children.

to pay to support a choice they don't believe in

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I don't personally understand how that's paying to "support" anything they don't believe in. Unless she's moving the guy in the home with them, asking them to buy him things, seeking gas money to go out with him, etc. I don't agree with that reasoning. They will still be doing the same things and supporting her the same way they did had she never dated him. In other words, her being with him will in no direct way at all affect their money.

I think that if you truly love the guy and are planning a future with him. Also that you're not just being defiant of your parents then I say go for it. I believe that unless your parents are basing their DISLIKE/DISAPPROVAL of the guy on his being an unbeliever, then they are NOT justified in not wanting her to date him. The only other thing I can see it would be, is prejudice based on his skin color, which is not Christ like and not an example you should follow.

My two cents worth and that is coming from someone who once was quite racist myself before the Lord got hold of me. So I can recognize motives.

I'm also thankful my daughters are being raised to love everyone and I will welcome any believing young man into my home (with supervision lol) when they get old enough to date (gasp, I'll be old).

The question I would ask is do you think he specifically wants to date you because you are white? If the answer is yes (look at his past girlfriends) then I would be worried about his motives and character.

[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]! I can't believe there are christians still out there with a racial line in their heads? (This is stemed from one and two posts I have read in this thread).

Listen lady, I know you are young and all and wants to have a bf. In my opinion, I don't have a problem with it. But if your parents say you are allowed to have on.... then you are not being disobedient IF you choose to have one. And surely, race should never matter under any and any circumstance.

You will have to sit and tlak with them and allow them to see that it doesn't matter what color we are, its the person that matters and we all have the same color blood-red.

The rest of 'differences' that may come as a result of having an interracial relationship, is not far from dealt with because the heart is what matters and the person.

This issue isn't about the inter-racial relationship itself, if its strong enough you can overcome anything, this is mostly about the non-acceptance of the family.

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BlueImpulse and be STRONGER for it. As I've always thought, people have the mentality that if the "world" will make it harder on you then you shouldn't do it. The "world" makes it harder on us as Christians but Lord forbid we should turn aside from our Christianity because it's not sweet and easy.

[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]! I can't believe there are christians still out there with a racial line in their heads? (This is stemed from one and two posts I have read in this thread).

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Peculiarone, it's sad but true. I think there is still lots of soul searching that people with that mentality need to do to see if they're in line with the Lord's word.

The question I would ask is do you think he specifically wants to date you because you are white? If the answer is yes (look at his past girlfriends) then I would be worried about his motives and character.

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No offense Darkfalz, but that's the SAME mentality I had when I was prejudiced and my brother dated a white girl. I thought, ooh he's just dating her BECAUSE she's white. No he was/IS with her because she caught his attention for the exact same qualities that any woman catches any man's attention and because he fell in love with her. Now please don't think I'm saying YOU'RE prejudiced at all, but that IS exactly how I thought and felt when I was prejudiced. That same opinion was formed UNTIL I had the guts to flat out ask him if that's why he was with her.

I still believe there is lots of learning to be done in the race relations area. I truly hope that these forums will enlighten those who otherwise would have just formed opinions based on stereotypes rather than asking an actual human of a different ethnicity in person. I do understand that people are often afraid to ask what so many think are the "sensitive" questions in person for fear of a negative response, so I pray these forums will make that easier for many.