Interacial Marriage

jeepgirl1 said:

I do find it interesting that many people wouldn't marry interacially, using that whole fear of the children being subjected to prejudice as an excuse, yet they'd be willing to adopt internationally and bring a child of another culture/race into their home and community.

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uhmm... jeepgirl, sorry to single out and quote again, on this, especially since this is a post that was done way back when in may, sorry, but uh, amongst the friends i have, we are like family. and we are mixed marriages, and we adopt from other countries... even at the expense of being disowned by our worldly families...

I was just wondering if the focus on 'race' was simply based on appearance i.e. dark / light skin; straight / curly hair? Would the same objections be raised for cross-cultural marriage? i.e. language, family or religious traditions? Would it be more acceptable to marry someone of the same race / culture as you who does not share your values or beliefs or to marry someone of a different race or culture who does? What if your skin colour is the same, but your cultures are vastly different? I am of European heritage but also 4th generation African. I married a Portuguese man whose parents spoke no English. You could say as a child I 'paid the price' for my parents choosing to stay in Africa where we were not accepted culturally, and you could say my children, while obviously European, 'are paying the price' of never being able to fit into their father's culture? (btw - I could not have wished for a happier childhood or a better environment to grow up in!) I guess it really boils down to personal priorities. I wondered if we set the sterio-typical objections aside for a minute and let love talk, what amazing possibilities for beauty, diversity, joy and new experiences would come our way? I think life would be really sad if we based some of our most important choices on appearance or on what other people think.

The opinions stated above are entirely my own and are not intended to pursuade, hurt or otherwise offend in any way!

Swtsnshyn said:

Something that I have noticed about "interracial" marriage is that most people do not seem to say anything unless skin color is involved. Now I know that there are exceptions to this, but for the most part this is true.

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Sharae said:

I was just wondering if the focus on 'race' was simply based on appearance i.e. dark / light skin; straight / curly hair? Would the same objections be raised for cross-cultural marriage? i.e. language, family or religious traditions? Would it be more acceptable to marry someone of the same race / culture as you who does not share your values or beliefs or to marry someone of a different race or culture who does? What if your skin colour is the same, but your cultures are vastly different?

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I think the both of you hit on an important fact that is for the most part ignored. Those opposed to 'interracial/intercultural' relationships are primarily against those they can identify. If they cannot identify it as an 'interracial/intercultural' relationship, they will be fine with it.

Has anyone seen (or read) the Human Stain?

Concerning the opening post of this thread. There are people who misunderstand what the bible teaches on this subject. In Old testament times, jewish people were told not to marry foreigners in some cases by The Lord. But the problem there was different religions and not different races.
To compare that to today , we would speak of a Christian person marrying a Muslim or whatever different religions you want to look at. But when Christian marries another Christian then there is unity in the home no matter what the race or culture.

No, I don't believe it is a sin, but an interacial marriage is HARD WORK! I know, I am a white Australian, and my ex-husband is Mexican. We didn't divorce over racial issues, but the different culture and attitudes didn't help.

If you are planning an interracial marriage, just be prepared to work very hard on the marriage and continually work on the cultural differences. It can work. It's just a bit harder.

leah-bygrace said:

I am in an interracial relationship, and I have heard the "children suffer" speech before. In fact, I know that my boyfriend's father (who is a pastor) believes this to an extent. I think problems can arise and that the children may face some difficulties early on(ie: identity-which group do I fit into?, who do I look like?) but not much more than any other child.

It was interesting to see everyone else's view on this.

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I'm Chinese, my husband Black. Our children are mixed. I don't know if our children are really suffering or not, but from what I can tell and the responses we get, people LOVE how our children look. In fact, so many comment on our children and stop us on the streets, in the mall, in stores, wherever, that it gets a little too much at times.

Our children have olive skin, black curly hair, big brown eyes, long lashes, full red lips and are both very dynamic children. We've been asked numerous times to have our children go into modeling, but that's not what we believe God wants us for our children right now.

Our 4 yr old daughter speaks several languages because both my husband and I know quite a few languages between us. We taught her at an early age to be proud of who she is. She says to others that she is both Black and Chinese and proud of it. We are proud of who we are. Her vocabularly is excellent.

In fact, the comments we get from other people are so praiseworthy and focus on looks so much, we try to down dress our kids some so that they don't grow up thinking they always need to look perfect. And, STILL we get nice comments. I've had to tell those that I see often to keep the comments down, as our daughter gets older, she becomes more and more concerned with looking good & her clothes.

Our son is 15 months old. He and our daughter look so much alike and he's often mistaken for a girl. She is a girlie girl and he is all boy.

It's really in how you raise your children. We talk about issues with our daughter about other people and sometimes the mean things people can say or do. We tell her God loves her so much; God loves everyone. We try to find nice things to say about EVERYONE. She is very good at doing this and often tells people what she likes about them. You have pretty hands; that's a nice ring; you have big muscles; you have a nice smile; etc.

Jennifer615 said:

No, I don't believe it is a sin, but an interacial marriage is HARD WORK! I know, I am a white Australian, and my ex-husband is Mexican. We didn't divorce over racial issues, but the different culture and attitudes didn't help.

If you are planning an interracial marriage, just be prepared to work very hard on the marriage and continually work on the cultural differences. It can work. It's just a bit harder.

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Aren't ALL marriages HARD WORK?

I see what youre saying Blue Impulse. I would say that those unique challenges are an opportunity to grow even closer than in a same race marriage...well in some cases anyway.

mdolls68 said:

I'm Chinese, my husband Black. Our children are mixed. I don't know if our children are really suffering or not, but from what I can tell and the responses we get, people LOVE how our children look. In fact, so many comment on our children and stop us on the streets, in the mall, in stores, wherever, that it gets a little too much at times.

Our children have olive skin, black curly hair, big brown eyes, long lashes, full red lips and are both very dynamic children. We've been asked numerous times to have our children go into modeling, but that's not what we believe God wants us for our children right now.

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I have a very close friend who is black and his wife is hispanic and their children are so gorgeous with almost flawless, deep bronze skin, soft, curly hair and long lashes.

There is also an account of a white couple in my area (NE Mississippi) a few years back who gave birth to a dark skinned baby. The father made a very ugly scene in the nursery and refused to see his wife (after the initial cursing of course). Then a few days later, a DNA test proved the child to be his and looking at family history turned up a maternal great grandmother (I think or maybe great, great) who was black. I guess that gene was just waiting around to jump out and surprise everyone.

It never fails to amaze me how shortsighted and ignorant some people can be, though. I mean a man is a man and a woman is a woman and we are all the same "color", just widely varying shades. I had a very good female friend in school who was black and if not for the social pressures in rural MS, I'm certain we would have dated.

I can't see anywhere in the bible where it says interracial marriages are a sin. Thank goodness, because both DH and I are products of interracial marriages and our children will be interracial too!

DH is half-white half-Vietnamese (his parents met when his dad was serving in Vietnam during the war, oh it's a great story!) and my dad was Hispanic but my mom is black. I don't ever recall suffering as a child because I was mixed. I knew that I was well-loved by both of my parents and all my grandparents. I look more Hispanic than black so maybe people didn't know I was bi-racial. I don't know. DH got some ribbing because he has a very Scottish last name but he looks Vietnamese. Oh yeah, and he has freckles (I think they're cute, he hates them!). I think the worst ridiculing he received was because his mom was Vietnamese, and when he was born there was still a lot of prejudice about that because of the war (even though it was over for a few years by the time he was born), and because his mom was a "war bride." I don't see us putting in more hard work than a non-interracial couple. DH was raised in the United States, same as me, so I don't really see us coming from very different cultural backgrounds.

It is not a sin! And if people want to marry interracially, why do others need to comment on the difficulties? I don't think it is any more difficult, but it does come with its own challenges. Even within the same race two families can be vastly different. The question was "is it a sin" not whether it would be more challenging or less. I think with every interracial marriage we come a little bit closer to stamping out racial injustice.

It is true that there are allusions that Abraham's second wife (after Sarah died) was from the area of modern day Ethiopia. People made fun, and they were punished.

I personally don't see anything wrong with interracial marriages. I haven't been able to find one verse in the Bible that proves it is wrong so that is enough to tell me it is fine to marry someone of a different race.

I just wish everyone in the world would see that no matter what color you are, we all bleed red, we all have feelings. It is a shame that some people are so prejudice. God isn't prejudice and we shouldn't be either.

No, inter-racial marriage is not a sin. The Bible does not say anything about not marrying someone of a different race. It says that you shouldn't let the other person lead you astray.

Blue Impulse said:

amen to that but Inter-racial relationships (just like inter-faith relationships, and I have both at once, woo love my husband more than words though ) have their own unique challenges that you may not deal with in another type of marriage.

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Why is it different? Inter-faith relationships are totally different, as it views your whole outlook on life. But what additional challenges are there?

If you've ever seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding, you begin to understand that cultural differences are not insurmountable but they can be challenging. My husband's family (he is Korean) just has a different perception about family, roles and respect. One can either accomodate onesself to those differences or go in complete opposition. Biblically we should both "leave and cleave" but that doesn't mean you cut yourself off from what you have grown up with or those relationships. Some parents view their children's choices as a rejection of their values and beliefs (and essentially them) when it is really is just creating something new that happens to blend the best of both worlds.

I do not know any scripture's backing it up, I was alway's taught to stick with my own race, even though I was born in a racest town doesn't make me racest but maybe that's the reason I do not know.

All this talk about the extra challanges of inter-racial relationships is really missing the main point. All relationships have similar challanges. Whether it is how Christmas is celebrated or whether it is how the children are disciplined or how money is spent.
Every relationship has the challange of blending two backrounds into one mutual future. maybe same culture relationships have the luxery of avoiding this issue a little longer but just ask divorced couples who were married for 10 or 15 years. They invarially bring up tensions surronding what could be summed up as two different lifestyles.

sethsmommy said:

I do not know any scripture's backing it up, I was alway's taught to stick with my own race, even though I was born in a racest town doesn't make me racest but maybe that's the reason I do not know.

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Good thing I wasn't born in that town, it's pretty hard to find someone who is half-Hispanic and half-black like me.