Insensitive about Escapee

Bunnaroo · Oct 3, 2005

Okay, this happened to us over the weekend, and I'm not sure if my feelings are right.
The Cub, 17-months-old, has figured out how to open doors by shoving his whole body into them. He got out of the house, through the screen door, and started wandering close to the street. Amx, my wife, had no idea he had wandered off, and I was in the back yard, working on a swing set. I assumed she had him. He was rescued by a woman who had stopped her car to catch him and bring him back. He is okay, and has no idea what the commotion was about.
Amx had a panic attack, and cried for two hours. She was all upset about the possibility that he could have been killed in traffic, and our marriage would suffer, and how horrible it would have been. What I saw was that he was unharmed, and decided everything was okay, no need for blamestorming or even tears. Yes I messed up, and was "too rational" in my approach to her.

Am I insensitive since I didn't worry about "what could have been"?

Leanna · Oct 3, 2005

No, but don't worry, as a mother maybe she just needs to let it out. We women are odd sometimes but it will probably pass.

Buy her flowers and a card and write about what a wonderful mother she is.

Install a lock on the front screen door. We have one.

Redguard · Oct 3, 2005

Personally, I would've probably shown a bit more emotion given the circumstances. But I won't blame you for being more rational in your approach.

Your wife created a pretty long domino-effect in her response. I think that the two of you both reacted on opposite extremes, which may have resulted in your argument.

LynnMcG · Oct 3, 2005

I think men and women react to situations differently. Women love to think the heck out of everything. What about this? What about that? I know for me, it's my husband who keeps me grounded by reminding of what did happen as opposed to what didn't. We're just different. It's like Dr. Dobson said, "if you were both alike, one of you wouldn't be necessary."

But it does sound like you guys need some new latches on the doors...up real high where your little cub can't reach.

poohmom · Oct 3, 2005

I agree with the locks. That's a must.

No, I don't think you were "too rational". Would she really have felt better if you had reacted the way she did? She may say yes, but in truth I don't think she would. Plus, your little one needs someone to be rational.

My husband and I take turns being rational. I guess we both need the opportunity to react every once in a while.

bliz · Oct 5, 2005

LynnMcG said:
"if you were both alike, one of you wouldn't be necessary."

Sounds to nme like you and your wife balance each other quite nicely.

Princessperky · Oct 5, 2005

I don't think it matters now weather you were to insensitive, what matters is what you do about the door.

Got that lock up yet? Your wife will appriciate speed in that category. If you must wait for something (parts or whatever) have any helpful ideas to keep him away from the door in the meantime? Baby gate in front of it, or shutting the front door, or something? DH and I react differently, but he is very analitical, so he is always comming up with ideas that help reduce the risk for the kids, means a lot more to me than him getting emotional or something. And shows he is thinking of the risk, just in a different way.

Bunnaroo · Oct 5, 2005

Princessperky said:
I don't think it matters now weather you were to insensitive, what matters is what you do about the door.

Got that lock up yet?

Oh, yeah!
We cleaned up the nursery (Babyproofed it, but he still keeps getting in! ba-da-dum-ching!) and got a gate for the door. That way, he can play in a large area without wandering too close to the back door. The front door is always locked with a dead bolt. I'm getting in the habit of locking the backdoor behind me when I come in. He's starting to figure out doorknobs.

Princessperky · Oct 6, 2005

Each new skill is more worry for mom or dad , but you did the important part, support your wife when she worries (no matter how useless, we do it anyway), sounds like a great husband/father to me .

BeanMak · Oct 6, 2005

I would suggest not relying only on the deadbolt. I babysat for a friend's toddler twins, and "lost" one because she chose that day to figure out how to open the deadbolt. Put an hook and eye HIGH up on the door (higher than anything she can stand on to reach) too.

andiesmama · Oct 6, 2005

If you have an alarm system, you can (or should be able to) set it so whenever a door is opened, you hear a chime.

If you don't have an alarm system, you can buy sensors to put on each door, so whenever it opens it sets off a chime.

That will alert you when the door gets opened.

Also, you mentioned he's figuring out door knobs...they make door-knob covers, plastic things that fit over the knob so if a toddler tries it, all it does is spin...but an adult can (SHOULD?? ) be able to open it with no problem!

LynnMcG · Oct 6, 2005

andiesmama said:
If you have an alarm system, you can (or should be able to) set it so whenever a door is opened, you hear a chime.

If you don't have an alarm system, you can buy sensors to put on each door, so whenever it opens it sets off a chime.

That will alert you when the door gets opened.

Ooooh! I saw those alarms at Walmart. They were about $20 for four of them. You put them on windows or doors. It's not really for burglars or anything, but I thought they were great to alert you about the whereabouts of your kids.

andiesmama · Oct 6, 2005

LynnMcG said:
Ooooh! I saw those alarms at Walmart. They were about $20 for four of them. You put them on windows or doors. It's not really for burglars or anything, but I thought they were great to alert you about the whereabouts of your kids.

We had an alarm system in the old house, so we programmed it to chime when the doors were opened...it was great, especially when Andie started learning how to open doors! Except when she was sleeping, then it kinda got annoying....

Bunnaroo · Oct 7, 2005

andiesmama said:
Also, you mentioned he's figuring out door knobs...they make door-knob covers, plastic things that fit over the knob so if a toddler tries it, all it does is spin...but an adult can (SHOULD?? ) be able to open it with no problem!

Funny you should mention that, I have trouble opening doors with those covers too. (and I have a Master's degree! )

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