I'm not Pentecostal, but I'm sort of dating one.

I'm still learning A LOT, so please, please excuse my ignorance, but I was wondering if I should feel... well, like I'm being offensive? I could just be paranoid, but when I met some of my male friend's fellow friends and acquaintances from church, I felt awkward. I've never been subject to beliefs regarding the length of my hair or whether or not I wear pants, and it seemed like I was looked down upon. I just felt as if, right off the bat, I was kind of not well liked, like I'll have to prove myself. I could be COMPLETELY wrong! But... does this happen usually? How can I convince them that I'm good enough for him?

I'd run from any congregation that looks down on me as a visitor...

It sounds like the church you are describing fits into the "oneness" movement of Pentecostalism (i.e. no cutting of hair, no pants, no makeup etc etc) and hey, I don't see anything wrong with what they choose for their physical appearance, especially since my girlfriend is just that : )

The one problem you described though, is the fact that they seemed to look down upon you. Any church no matter what denomination who chooses to judge others simply based on a physical appearance, is well...ya...Andreha said it best : P

Church of God used to be like that, but not any more. Give them another shot before you dismiss them totally. Outward holiness does not necessarily equal inward holiness.

Thanks, everyone

I had no intention of dismissing them- it's more that I hope that they'll accept me and like me with time, I just didn't know if there was anything I could do. My friend said it would be ridiculous for them to judge my based upon my "outward holiness,' as stormdancer0 said, but he has no doubts that some may. Thanks for the thoughts and opinions!

SirKenny85 said:

It sounds like the church you are describing fits into the "oneness" movement of Pentecostalism (i.e. no cutting of hair, no pants, no makeup etc etc) and hey, I don't see anything wrong with what they choose for their physical appearance, especially since my girlfriend is just that : )

The one problem you described though, is the fact that they seemed to look down upon you. Any church no matter what denomination who chooses to judge others simply based on a physical appearance, is well...ya...Andreha said it best : P

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There are actually still some Trinitarian Pentecostals that are strict on outward appearance...not as many as there used to be...as Stormdancer mentioned the Church of God...I was asked to sing at a CoG a few years ago and they were still very strict...the ladies wearing no makeup, long dresses or skirts...men wearing long sleeves...I showed up wearing a polo shirt, and my wife was wearing pants (we didn't know)...that's the only church I've ministered at that never invited me back....

faithyfelicis said:

I'm still learning A LOT, so please, please excuse my ignorance, but I was wondering if I should feel... well, like I'm being offensive? I could just be paranoid, but when I met some of my male friend's fellow friends and acquaintances from church, I felt awkward. I've never been subject to beliefs regarding the length of my hair or whether or not I wear pants, and it seemed like I was looked down upon. I just felt as if, right off the bat, I was kind of not well liked, like I'll have to prove myself. I could be COMPLETELY wrong! But... does this happen usually? How can I convince them that I'm good enough for him?

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It's hard not to feel awkward under those circumstances, for sure. It's not my place to tell someone if they belong in a church or not ... it should be where the Lord places you, so that's your first agenda. Find out how the Lord feels about you going there. He may want you there ... not saying He does ... saying He could.

Feeling looked down on sure does stir the pot of 'feelings and emotions', eh? First thing we seem to do is start looking down on ourselves to what needs fixed or feeling defiant or defensive. The only thing you need to worry about is what the Lord thinks of you ... not only shouldn't you, but you can't justify yourself to them ... the Lord is the one who justifies us ... know His promises and what He would or would not say to you ... it's hard for me to picture the Lord being all that concerned over the length of your hair or such ... not like it's going with you to the kingdom of God ... 'flesh and blood will not enter' ...

I would definitely have a red flag up to armor up and stand unshakeable in what you know ... don't, I repeat, don't be pulled away from what you've been taught ... make darn sure what you're walking into ... prayer, meditation, prayer, and more meditation ... there's an absolute difference between being offensive to false ideas and being offensive to the Word of God ... and I can't see where that's happened ... no matter when or where there will always be those who feel you don't measure up ... the only one you must measure up to is the Lord ... know Him before you make any commitments anywhere is my best advice ...

is it alright if I ask? do you have much spiritual background to stand on? ... do you have a strong spiritual and otherwise support system? ... how close are you to this male ... I ask because I'm wondering if he and the church will be a possible ongoing thing ... if you haven't known this male long, do you know him well ... well enough to be making a spiritual commitment ... I'm not trying to be nosy, just trying to help you sort this out ...

jmho
God bless
lilmiss

Big Drew said:

There are actually still some Trinitarian Pentecostals that are strict on outward appearance...not as many as there used to be...as Stormdancer mentioned the Church of God...I was asked to sing at a CoG a few years ago and they were still very strict...the ladies wearing no makeup, long dresses or skirts...men wearing long sleeves...I showed up wearing a polo shirt, and my wife was wearing pants (we didn't know)...that's the only church I've ministered at that never invited me back....

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I'm just thinkin' there could be a big advantage in the Holiness rules on Sunday morning.

No waiting for he wife to put on make-up or spray her hair or whatever it is she does with the cotton balls or whatever all that stuff is in there. It might take just a bit longer to iron a super-long dress or comb out the hair. The hair, that might take a while.

I attend a more independent, Trinitarian Pentecostal church. A lot of the women in my church believe in the long skirts, long hair, no makeup, etc. Many don't, however. I know what you mean with the judging. I know how some of the women in the church can react to others who do not dress to THEIR standards. (Notice I said THEIRS, not necessarily GOD'S.) It's almost a contest of who can be the most "holy." Do NOT worry about their acceptance. As long as you are living your life Holy unto GOD, He will see your heart and bless you. Dressing that way is a personal conviction that God may or may not ever lay on your heart. Like others have said, dressing this way does not ensure holiness on the inside. Keep your heart pure and God will judge you on that. The people may never accept how you dress, but do not let it hinder your relationship with God in any way! Just keep being yourself and hopefully they will one day learn that it isn't about the outward appearance as much as they focus on it. Keep your head up =]

LinkH said:

I'm just thinkin' there could be a big advantage in the Holiness rules on Sunday morning.

No waiting for he wife to put on make-up or spray her hair or whatever it is she does with the cotton balls or whatever all that stuff is in there. It might take just a bit longer to iron a super-long dress or comb out the hair. The hair, that might take a while.

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And believe me, the ''holiness hair'' more than makes up for the amount of time a woman might have spent on makeup!

ressing that way is a personal conviction that God may or may not ever lay on your heart. Like others have said, dressing this way does not ensure holiness on the inside. Keep your heart pure and God will judge you on that.

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Really excellent quote, and couldn't have said it better myself.

well first since you said you were still learning. Let me give you a little warning, now you didn't say how serious the relationship is with this Pentecostal. But I know several married couples, that are unequally yoked as far as denominations. and it wasn't good. one being raised Baptist while the other was raised Pentecostal, and neither of them feel comfortable in the other one's church. and most of the couples either go to separate churches or either don't go at all. now note taken though there are more churches being raised up in today's era, that can minister to both beliefs. But I say that to say this. since you didn't give your denomination, the uneasy feeling you are having may stem from your different beliefs instead of the dress code. What I mean is your main problem may be with the laying on of the hands, the type of worship, the tongue speakings or the praying in tongues, or the people falling out all over the place, more than the dress code, but if you express this, you know you would offend their beliefs as well as maybe put a edge in the relationship with this pentecostal. so you have came up with this other avenue, my dress style does not match theirs. so there for I don't want to go to that Church. and this way you can express your feelings of uncomfortableness without offending their deep beliefs that don't line up to yours. if this is the case and you will know, and depending on how deep you are grounded in your beliefs, this relationship is going to be an up-hill battle from the get go, that is if both are planning on keeping God the Main thing in your life and relationship, which is what most folks would highly recommend, this relationship may not work. But with God are things are possible !! But don't ask them to change for you or allow them to ask you to change for them, but come together as one in Christ and both, together, grow closer with each other as you both grow closer to God