I'm a pedophile

I found these posts very interesting because I am struggling with the same feelings for younger boys that ha haunted me since my early teens. I too have never acted out nor do I tend to act out on a child . This feelings can be overwhelming to the point where you do not know where to go next . As for seeing a regular therapist I would be careful and research them first . I ended up going to one for this problem and her first response was " I would like the names of these boys you have been around". Basically she wanted to make sure they were ok before moving onto me. That can cause pain and heartache . It's a struggle. look to God .

I asked for citation because what is understood as pedophilia is not the truncated definition given. (Please know I entered this discussion before becoming a mod trainee, and I speak only as another member.)

Here's what the DSM says in it's first paragraph under this disorder:

[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]302.2 Pedophilia

The paraphilic focus of Pedophilia involves sexual activity with a prepubescent child (generally age 13 years or younger).​

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(Emphasis DSM's) From DSM IV

When professionals --such as any therapist one might contact-- hears the person use the word "pedophile" the immediate description is that you have performed an illegal action upon another minor. Since you state that you have not acted, what I would do if I were you would be to stop using the term "pedophile" because you don't fit the diagnosis, and we shouldn't diagnose ourselves anyway.

With that said, research has shown that it takes a man until the age of 26 to have his body and mind "put together" (unofficial term )... and I think with all the changes in the world these last two generations have had to deal with, and add in early pubescence to deal with...when EVERYONE who goes through that stage has questions about himself...then confusion is very much going to abound. But nothing about this is set in stone, you know?

If you find after working at NOT feeding the thinking along the path...not feeding the ideas or worries or whatever it is that takes your thoughts...but by focussing on what the good is for you...(Let this mind be in you, that was also in Christ Jesus) that after all that (for say the rest of the year) you do find you still lean that way, then by all means see a minister perhaps... one who can show you that most all of us have some old habit of the old nature that we have to ignore and how to ignore it.

But I really think as you continue to mature into a great young man while reading and following God's advice (whatsoever things are true, honorable, good, peaceful...think on these) that you will find these intrusive ideas and thoughts will lessen and come less and less often.

Hang tough... becoming an adult has it's benefits.

Until I came here reading these posts I had no idea that it was and is a disorder. So many people struggle with it . I am one of those as you can tell from a previous post. I have never acted out on a child. To do that would be so immoral, illegal and stupid. Once you act on your fantasies, the crime has been committed but with help from the Lord we can stop before we get to that point .

Aspireman said:

What is your suggestion john?

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Let us develop some really healthy concepts of human sexuality. That will involve recognising that God created us as sexual beings, that sex is not a genie waiting to leap out of its flask at the slightest opportunity, that there is a huge difference between normal sexual interest, and even arousal, without that being labled 'lust of the flesh'.

Song of Songs is explicitly about sex. Let us teach about sex as written in that book. Let is distinguish clearly the difference between biblical concepts and our cultural and somewhat prudish overlays.

John
NZ

Just know that this has been a struggle for me as well . I have posted previously .

For those of you struggling with a highly sensitive issue like this I would recommend finding a Christian counsellor to talk to - not a psychiatrist but someone who will be willing to listen and pray and help you out with very practical and spiritual ways to help you think in helpful ways and avoid dwelling on what doesn't help. I am fortunate in that a Christian counsellor is on the leadership team at my church and I could talk to him about any issue like this as indeed many do from my church and find it most helpful. He can refer people to other counsellors more experienced in certain matters if he knows of someone who can be more helpful. I strongly advise you to look up Christian counsellors and build a relationship with one of the same gender first if you need to before sharing and working it through with them. I don't advise other 'treatments' which are just designed to mess with the chemicals in your brain or associate a negative thing with negative thoughts as in shock therapy. The issue is in our thinking with something like this (I have a fetish and I wish I didn't!) and it takes a long time of thinking in the right ways and not dwelling on the wrong things to build the right patterns into our attitude and even sexuality but I believe this long hard slog is the way forward and a Christian counsellor can help with that. Confession is good for the soul - not just confession to God but to someone to keep you accountable with too - and that could be the counsellor or a close friend or relative - but I advise that too! I also pray that although some people hard to go on a long journey to be free of certain ways of thinking, God graciously does take things like this away from some and has done in the past on occasions - only He knows the best way forward for each person - so I do pray that however you'll be free that you'll stay strong until you are. If God decides in his wisdom that something will always be a temptation to us then I pray we will learn to handle it as He would like and that we will grow more and more in character as we keep standing firm in these things. The temptation may never totally go (though it could of course!) but we can be free from the grip it has on us! And all of that prayer is for all of you, and me too! Amen.

From Your Brother in Christ.

Such powerful words, GeraldWiley for so many of us who need them right about now . This is such a sensetive issue in that it is hard to talk too anyone about it. God is our true source of comfort and he will lead us through like he has done through other trials in our lives. Looking too him in prayer is one of the best options a person could choose ! God bless all.

Just know tht this is not your fault. You did not ask for this condition. Pray to God for help on not acting.

Does the stigma ever go away for any of you? I'm not aloud to be with the kids in our VBS. I'm just praying for the kids, which maybe I should do at home. It's like if someone asks "where you've been", what do you say? You just feel like everyone's watching you, it's not a fun feeling. I don't like having this problem, and I didn't ask for it. How do you guys handle this?

My wife and I know unconditional love and we practice it as much as possible, but there are times we are caught off guard....
If your parent's reaction was negative... you would surely need someone else to fall back on for emotional support! Really one question I would have for you is the flip side of the coin.... how are you going to react to their reaction?
You need someone to help you through these thoughts....
Then you need someone to help you with the thought of being a pedophile....
We can overcome any sin... the Bible is very clear on that... we just sometimes need the right tools and/or teaching to get us there!
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Blessings!

templar42 said:

I am 17 and have known for quite some time that I am a pedophile. Let me start off by saying that I have never insulted a child and never will and I do not view any form of child porn. I am a Christian and through Christ I have learned to live with this. It's not an easy life to live but Through Christ all things are possible. I am open to any questions or advice you have, but my question to you is how do you think my parents will react? I have not told them yet but plan to soon, also anyone else that may find out.

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I'll pray for you. You must feel terrible right now, but I'm sure that this isn't who you are and that it's just some weird phase.

yanno the meek said:

Your sexuality is still being formed. You are 17 and it seems to me that you shouldn't judge yourself until you are fully mature. Try to have romantic interaction with someone your age and see what happens. I know it may not be easy for you especially if you don't make a lot of headway with the opposite sex but put some time into it. There are a lot of 17 year old girls out there with low self-esteem who would love to be asked out.

Your future might depend on it.

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There's something to be said about this - the whole idea of your sexuality still developing. I don't mean to sound invalidating - only you know what you feel, and so on. But it just reminded me that as a teenager, I used to be equally attracted to girls & guys - at that stage I'd kissed as many girls as I had guys. But now I'm not interested in girls at all, and very much straight! haha. And yeah, I guess I just put it down to my sexuality still being informed - a little bit of mental experimentation while my hormones were new and all over the place!

It might also be worth looking up Dan Savage's online site in The Stranger - Savage Love. Note it's not a Christian advice column by any means. But Dan Savage has come up with a term - 'Gold Star Pedophiles'. These are adults who recognise and admit that they are sexually attracted to children, but never act on these attractions, and ultimately try to seek help.

You could also look at the Way2Hope website - I'm sure I've seen discussions (very biblically-grounded discussion) on this topic.

Honestly, you should have nothing to worry about at your age.

Young men are quite sexually confused, I even went through the phase where I believed that I was a pedophile, however, after talking to a doctor about it he assured me that what I was going through was actually pretty normal.

Hormones... you're full of them. Don't worry, soon enough they will stabilize and you'll have a healthy sexuality.

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it" (1st Corinthians 10:13).

People have had your struggles since the fall of man. Much of society doesn't understand that and point fingers (I know I did in my ignorance). I'm not downplaying your troubles but I do want to emphasize, as many others have on here, that you are not alone.

God is able and is not disgusted or surprised by you. He will love you perfectly through the muck and the grime and through this you will discover more and more how deeply he loves you. What real love is vs. the counterfeit brand the world tries to sell us. The devil intends this for evil but God will use this trial to show you things about yourself and him. Cling to him with all your might. Soak in his presence like a sponge.

I may not have this particular problem but I have struggled with the intense shame of sexual sin of my own (for almost 2 decades), my family still doesn't know. But it turned out to be a gift because it was only until I understood more the depths of my human depravity that I was able to better understand my need for him. And now I love him so much that it makes me want to cry. One of my male relatives has had struggles with this as well and unfortunately acted on it a couple times. But now that he is redeemed he depends on God very much and loves him very much. He talks openly and freely about it now because of the hope and help Jesus has given him.

Let God be magnified in this situation and not the problem. I agree with the post that said you are not to call yourself a pedophile; this just happens to be your current cross and struggle. The titles we speak over ourselves are powerful. Let God tell you who you are, not the world, the devil and his temptations and strongholds. If you have been redeemed by the Son of man you are a Child of God first and foremost.

He can heal, bind up and untwist what has been twisted. The temptation may never go away but (Romans 8) the Holy Spirit in you will be built up and stomp it so flat and weak you can easily say no to it. It's true!

How are you doing now, by the way? It's been a while since the first post.


P.S. (Does anyone have a thought about the spiritual things that are taking place behind these sorts of things? Through my experience, I also found that Satan has the ability to send impulses to the brain (via tempation). They're like hackers, pop-up ads and viruses on the internet. Strongholds can be very intricately-built webs of lies. The word of God is like a virus scan and firewall).

Much love to you all in Christ

Taz