I think my Ex's friend and I are mutual crushing?

ckg1073 · Jan 24, 2020

Im an 24 yr old INTJ girl. A month ago, I ended a 9 year relationship with my manipulative boyfriend, Corey. I am also friends with his friend Dylan, who I've known for years too. Dylan doesnt agree with him behaviour though and has seen it over the years, he thinks Corey is a total knob. Well I think im in love with Dylan (he's an INTP). We have A LOT in common, we share the same Christian views, Geopolitical views, Eschatology, same interests, humour, the whole shebang. As I am fairly an observer, I've always noticed when we'd see each other in person he tends to stare at me a lot and he's very shy; we do also share memes 24/7 on messenger. I want to tell him how I feel about him but I'm not sure how that'll turn out. I guess thats a silly question because the only way i'll know is if i just TELL HIM. I just don't want to make him feel under pressure or weirded out because of the predicament we're both in - which I totally understand. A few weeks ago I asked if he wanted to still stay in touch (due to obvious reasons which i understood if he didn't want to) and he said he still does and that its fine, and then he sent me a crispy meme along with that message - following he proceeded to "like" my crush memes on my IG page. How should I tread in this circumstance.. should I wait a little bit longer to tell him due to the break-up still being quite "fresh"? I just don't know how he'd take it..
Cheers.

paul1149 · Jan 24, 2020

I don't know what those initials stand for, and I'm not female, but I would probably give him a bit of time to show some initiative. Just something to take into consideration.

ReesePiece23 · Jan 24, 2020

Corey - what an absolutely shambolic name. His parents must have really hated him.

Just come RIGHT off the gas. Keep going as you are, and slooowly evolve into each other. There's NO need to be doing anything crazy at this stage. Uncertainty is sexy anyway, it'll build good tension and provoke the imagination. All things that enhance romance later down the line.

Cool it, don't rush. There's no need.

ckg1073 · Jan 24, 2020

ReesePiece23 said:
Corey - what an absolutely shambolic name. His parents must have really hated him.

Just come RIGHT off the gas. Keep going as you are, and slooowly evolve into each other. There's NO need to be doing anything crazy at this stage. Uncertainty is sexy anyway, it'll build good tension and provoke the imagination. All things that enhance romance later down the line.

Cool it, don't rush. There's no need.

LOLLLL COREY I KNOW RIGHT.Thanks i agree too, build the rapport

Sam91 · Jan 24, 2020

ckg1073 said:
Im an 24 yr old INTJ girl. A month ago, I ended a 9 year relationship with my manipulative boyfriend, Corey. I am also friends with his friend Dylan, who I've known for years too. Dylan doesnt agree with him behaviour though and has seen it over the years, he thinks Corey is a total knob. Well I think im in love with Dylan (he's an INTP). We have A LOT in common, we share the same Christian views, Geopolitical views, Eschatology, same interests, humour, the whole shebang. As I am fairly an observer, I've always noticed when we'd see each other in person he tends to stare at me a lot and he's very shy; we do also share memes 24/7 on messenger. I want to tell him how I feel about him but I'm not sure how that'll turn out. I guess thats a silly question because the only way i'll know is if i just TELL HIM. I just don't want to make him feel under pressure or weirded out because of the predicament we're both in - which I totally understand. A few weeks ago I asked if he wanted to still stay in touch (due to obvious reasons which i understood if he didn't want to) and he said he still does and that its fine, and then he sent me a crispy meme along with that message - following he proceeded to "like" my crush memes on my IG page. How should I tread in this circumstance.. should I wait a little bit longer to tell him due to the break-up still being quite "fresh"? I just don't know how he'd take it..
Cheers.

As an INFJ I'll share some advice. Steer clear of anything for the next few months. If you start a relationship any time soon with your ex's friend it will look dodgy. It is also not acting kindly to your ex. He'll likely resent his friend getting involved with you. It's just not wise. You also can't be sure that your feelings for this guy are real. You may have become attracted to him because he was sympathetic to you when you were suffering. He may have seemed lovely in comparison to your ex and because he was a male that you saw during that time your wounded self saw something in him.

As a psychology student, you may be using this attraction as a defence mechanism. You might be thinking of this to avoid confronting how you really feel.

It was a 9 year relationship and you mention having to deal with poor behaviour from your ex. . Give yourself time to heal. Give yourself time to rediscover who you are and spend time with the Lord. You don't want to bring problems from your last relationship into this one.

com7fy8 · Jan 24, 2020

Sam91 said:
in comparison to your ex

Hmmm . . . yes, be careful about how someone can look good in comparison to a cruel or nasty person.

I agree that you can do well to go easy and see how things go with time.

Enjoy sharing with different Christian people who are good for you . . . so you can get more experience with how love really is. And then see if this is what you have in common!

Soyeong · Jan 24, 2020

ckg1073 said:
Im an 24 yr old INTJ girl. A month ago, I ended a 9 year relationship with my manipulative boyfriend, Corey. I am also friends with his friend Dylan, who I've known for years too. Dylan doesnt agree with him behaviour though and has seen it over the years, he thinks Corey is a total knob. Well I think im in love with Dylan (he's an INTP). We have A LOT in common, we share the same Christian views, Geopolitical views, Eschatology, same interests, humour, the whole shebang. As I am fairly an observer, I've always noticed when we'd see each other in person he tends to stare at me a lot and he's very shy; we do also share memes 24/7 on messenger. I want to tell him how I feel about him but I'm not sure how that'll turn out. I guess thats a silly question because the only way i'll know is if i just TELL HIM. I just don't want to make him feel under pressure or weirded out because of the predicament we're both in - which I totally understand. A few weeks ago I asked if he wanted to still stay in touch (due to obvious reasons which i understood if he didn't want to) and he said he still does and that its fine, and then he sent me a crispy meme along with that message - following he proceeded to "like" my crush memes on my IG page. How should I tread in this circumstance.. should I wait a little bit longer to tell him due to the break-up still being quite "fresh"? I just don't know how he'd take it..
Cheers.

Are you interested in marriage or in having a boyfriend? It two people are interested in marriage, then it shouldn't take 9 years to figure out whether someone is a good match. Jumping into a new relationship right after ending one does look kind of fishy even if it is not, so it would probably be best to wait a bit before doing that. Furthermore, your emotions going to be in a turmoil after breaking up from a long-term relationship, which is a big reason why rebound relationships are often short-lived, so some time would be good to let your emotions settle down a bit.

Here are some red flags to look out for:

Relationship experts say these are the 8 red flags to look out for when you start dating someone — and some are surprisingly common

J Daniel · Jan 25, 2020

ckg1073 said:
Corey

Very American name......

I think my Ex's friend and I are mutual crushing?

ckg1073

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paul1149

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