I think I Might Be Going Crazy

I just started cycle 21 of TTC. Hubby's been tested and is fine. I've had an HSG which showed that I'm shaped fine and not blocked in anyway. Everything points to me being fine. On to that actual point...

In the spring I had a bit of a meltdown and decided to stop charting and obsessing, but to just have fun with hubby. Of course nothing happened and the summer ended. Now that we are fully into the dark days of the year, I'm feeling my soul begin to coil again. I don't want to go back to same state I was in before my little meltdown, so I've been trying to release my little pressure valve frequently and allow myself to dream about mommydom.

Sooooo, for the past 3 weeks or so, I have found myself sitting the bottom of my shower having conversations with a little boy in my head. It's almost like I'm dreaming in that I know this child is my son. He's about three and he's African American (I'm caucasian so I'm assuming this is because my mind is gearing up for starting the adoption process a year from this January).

Is this weird. Should I be seeking professional help?

No, ii doesn't affect the rest of my life. I guess it must just be specific day dreams; I just notice that images of him pop up when I'm zoning out and letting my mind wander.

I've been very protective of my mind since we've started trying. I did really allow myself to think about the daily ins and outs of being a mom because I don't want to get too upset. The interactions that a see think about with this little guy are everyday things like taking him to the park and pushing him on the swing or getting him a treat. I don't know, maybe it's just normal daydreams.