I need your help

winifred · Mar 14, 2012

I live in the UK.
I am a Grandmother.
My Grandson has aspergers.
He is 17 years old.
In January he had a nervous breakdown.
He is now in hospital and very unhappy.
Doctors are seeking to come to a diagnosis.
I believe that his poor communication skills are not helping.

How do I, his family, the doctors best help him?
His confidence and self esteem are at such a low point.

He also desperately needs friends.
Would anyone be prepared to become a pen friend?
He loves history.

I hope you will not mind my taking part in your forum like this.

In Christ Jesus
Winnie

dayhiker · Mar 15, 2012

That is tough.
Bring him to this sight and introduce him to us. As a broad we have not ministered to a person this way, but I'd for one would love to see that happen.

Sounds like the family is bring there for him ... I would say that's the 1st thing to do.

It can take time for a man is AS at his age to think of a response to a question. So visit him often and when you leave say, I'd like to talk to you about what you think about "insert topic, idea, etc". Then get some alone time on the next visit to talk about it. When words stop coming for him, say lets talk more about your thoughts on .. rephrase what you want to talk about next time you visit.

Try, not to put his words into how you view things, but seek to understand what his words mean to him. They will probably different in some way.

You can say when I think about ... phrase, sentence this is what it means to me. This can help him understand how no AS people see a situation, event. You don't want to be telling him the way he sees things are wrong. We come for a somewhat different world(way of seeing the world) so we can't own your way of seeing things, it doesn't work for us.

Hope that helps.

winifred · Mar 15, 2012

Bless your heart Dayhiker! 'Yes!' It does help a great deal.
Thank you so very much.

I will indeed introduce him to this site as soon as he is out of hospital.
He is having tests at present to determine whether there is a physical cause
for what has happened. Then hopefully there will be a diagnosis, so that the
relevant treatment can be given.

* I do feel that the Lord has led me to find this 'outlet' for him, and a source of help and encouragement for me too.

Praise His Holy Name!

In Christ Jesus
Winnie

dayhiker · Mar 16, 2012

Praise God

Sabertooth · Mar 17, 2012

Also, I am not sure what constitutes a "nervous breakdown," but it might help if you can find a local Aspie group for him to attend. If he is Christian, a Christian one would be better. Regular (non-Aspie) church home groups may be a good option, too (because of their typically small size).

saved24 · Mar 17, 2012

Praying for you and your grandson Winifred. I feel for you and your grandson. He is blessed to have such a caring Grandma. God bless you.

winifred · Mar 22, 2012

Dayhiker
Sabertooth
Saved24

Thank you to each one. Thank you for your kindness and your advice, I have taken note of everything you have said, I am sure it will be a help.

I will let you know what happens to him, he is longing to come home at the moment, but needs to stay in hospital for a while yet.

With love in Christ Jesus
Our risen and glorified
Saviour, Lord and Head

Winnie

dayhiker · Mar 22, 2012

Winnie,
Do you understand the tension he was under that lead to the nervous breakdown?
Or other causes?

Yinstyle · Mar 25, 2012

winifred said:
Dayhiker
Sabertooth
Saved24

Thank you to each one. Thank you for your kindness and your advice, I have taken note of everything you have said, I am sure it will be a help.

I will let you know what happens to Andrew, he is longing to come home at the moment, but needs to stay in hospital for a while yet.

With love in Christ Jesus
Our risen and glorified
Saviour, Lord and Head

Winnie

Dear christian grandma,
Would you please understand that from what I read people are acting as if autism is a handicap while it isn't even anything bad?

A great mind once told me: Autistic children are entities that are represent shining mirrors. They reflect people's bad sides and everyone who is around autistic children become better people. If autistic children are treated as handicapped children, they behave themselves like handicapped children.

Yes, 'modern day experts' do say that autistic children have a problem with the world around them, but they aren't autistic themselves to find out. What I hereby want to conclude and base this whole pile of pixeltext on is that if you treat him like a normal child and point out his everyday social flaws like you would do to a normal child that he would never have these problems.

I don't just blame you( excuse my rudeness ) but I blame everyone around him who doesn't help him realize that he is normal just like everyone around him.

Try acting as if nobody ever mentioned autism for a week at the minimum and notice some results.

winifred · Mar 25, 2012

Deleted

winifred · Mar 25, 2012

Yinstyle said:
Dear christian grandma,
Would you please understand that from what I read people are acting as if autism is a handicap while it isn't even anything bad?

A great mind once told me: Autistic children are entities that are represent shining mirrors. They reflect people's bad sides and everyone who is around autistic children become better people. If autistic children are treated as handicapped children, they behave themselves like handicapped children.

Yes, 'modern day experts' do say that autistic children have a problem with the world around them, but they aren't autistic themselves to find out. What I hereby want to conclude and base this whole pile of pixeltext on is that if you treat him like a normal child and point out his everyday social flaws like you would do to a normal child that he would never have these problems.

I don't just blame you( excuse my rudeness ) but I blame everyone around him who doesn't help him realize that he is normal just like everyone around him.

Try acting as if nobody ever mentioned autism for a week at the minimum and notice some results.

----------------------------------------

I do not find your response 'rude' in any way, and I appreciate it very much, I will pass this on to the family too.

Thank you Yinstyle.
Winnie

LovedSparrow · Mar 26, 2012

Yinstyle said:
Dear christian grandma,
Would you please understand that from what I read people are acting as if autism is a handicap while it isn't even anything bad?

A great mind once told me: Autistic children are entities that are represent shining mirrors. They reflect people's bad sides and everyone who is around autistic children become better people. If autistic children are treated as handicapped children, they behave themselves like handicapped children.

Yes, 'modern day experts' do say that autistic children have a problem with the world around them, but they aren't autistic themselves to find out. What I hereby want to conclude and base this whole pile of pixeltext on is that if you treat him like a normal child and point out his everyday social flaws like you would do to a normal child that he would never have these problems.

I don't just blame you( excuse my rudeness ) but I blame everyone around him who doesn't help him realize that he is normal just like everyone around him.

Try acting as if nobody ever mentioned autism for a week at the minimum and notice some results.

Great advice, Yinstyle. Found a good article that deals with this same mentality: Asperger's & Autism personal stories | What does being different mean?

Winnie,
I think it's great that you are wanting to help him! A lot of family members seem to want to bury their heads in the sand or let someone else deal with the issues. God bless your heart.

I don't want to throw various sites at you, forgive me if it seems that way. Something that I did find helpful is this blog. There are a lot of good ones out there that deal with a first-person perspective. Here is one I liked: Life with Aspergers: Series Articles

Keep us updated on your progress. Godspeed!
LovedSparrow

AmbryRye · Jun 4, 2012

I have Asperger's and I recently read the book "Fringe:My Life as a Spirit-Filled Christian with Asperger's Syndrome" by Stephanie A. Mayberry. She also has a Kindle book "The Christian Aspie: Notes from the Blog" but for some reason it is not in paperback form.

I also read that she is about to put out another book to follow up Fringe.

She has Asperger's and is a Christian. You may want to share the books with your grandson, they definitely helped me.

I have also communicated with the author and she is very nice and helpful.

winifred · Jun 4, 2012

AmbryRye said:
I have Asperger's and I recently read the book "Fringe:My Life as a Spirit-Filled Christian with Asperger's Syndrome" by Stephanie A. Mayberry. She also has a Kindle book "The Christian Aspie: Notes from the Blog" but for some reason it is not in paperback form.

I also read that she is about to put out another book to follow up Fringe.

She has Asperger's and is a Christian. You may want to share the books with your grandson, they definitely helped me.

I have also communicated with the author and she is very nice and helpful.

Thank you Ambry,

I shall see if I can get further information online about these books by S.A Mayberry. I am so glad you have got in touch like this and told me about these books, it is so encouraging.

Andrew has asked the Lord Jesus Christ into his heart recently, much to my delight, and your response is an answer to prayer for me.

I do thank you again.
With love to you in Christ Jesus
Our All-Sufficiency.
Winnie

AmbryRye · Jun 4, 2012

winifred said:
Thank you Ambry,

I shall see if I can get further information online about these books by S.A Mayberry. I am so glad you have got in touch like this and told me about these books, it is so encouraging.

Andrew has asked the Lord Jesus Christ into his heart recently, much to my delight, and your response is an answer to prayer for me.

I do thank you again.
With love to you in Christ Jesus
Our All-Sufficiency.
Winnie

Wonderful! Praise God!

Please do look for the books (I do know she has another coming out very soon as well - also on Asperger's and being a Christian).

I can't post links yet, but if you Google "The Christian Aspie Stephanie Mayberry" that should take you to her website. She has a blog there that is awesome. Her books are on Amazon, so it should be pretty easy to find them there.

I will be praying for your family and for Andrew. I know how hard it can be sometimes to live in a world that you don't feel you belong in. I struggled with that for a long time. I dealt with pretty bad depression. Sometimes the world is just too much.

You can also write to the author as well. She has her Facebook and Twitter accounts listed in her books. She wants people to connect with her.

rosalyn patel · Jun 4, 2012

Hi Winifred. Just letting u know I will pray for ur grandson. Godbless. Rosalyn.

renewed21 · Jun 4, 2012

I can empathize with you Winifred. Please let me know how I may be of service. Higher functioning individuals on the autism spectrum have a difficult issue involving the consequences of self-awareness. It is very hard on these persons.

Please let us all be cognizant of their struggles and attempt to aid in whatever manner we are able.

dayhiker · Jun 5, 2012

delete

cazzap06 · Sep 30, 2012

Sorry to rake up an old thread but my heart goes out to you as I have a 5 year old Grandson with Autism & I do worry about any emotional distress he may go through in the future & want to do all I can to protect him from pressures of life he cannot deal with & just simply be happy with his family and lots of love around him

I want him to be himself & do his own thing as it were as I would never want to put any pressure on him or cause him distress but be the opposite for him & a constant haven of love

keikomom · Oct 26, 2012

Hi, My son, Samuel, has very high functioning autism and is almost twenty. Loneliness is a huge issue for him. In the last couple of years, he has finally made a friend who left for military training a few months after they became friends, and he has really reached beyond his comfort zone, but people, in general, are patronizing and a bit aloof. Samuel would love a penpal! He loves God, and wants connections!
Let me know, please...

We are in Tennessee having a beautiful fall...

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