I need support

Dari-Taz · Feb 19, 2005

Hey, I'm really new to the site, but thought it would be a great place to find some loving, caring support. So...here's my problem, I guess.

I'm 18 years old, and I've been cutting myself since I was about 12. I know that it's wrong, but it's an addiction I've been struggling with. My mother found out and had me locked in an institute for 3 months, which did not help at all. I have a real problem with giving up, especially when I look at some support sites that are covered in pictures of cuts and blood...they just make me want to do it more. :'( I want to be able to get on with life without having to lie about these scars, and be able to wear short sleeved tops again. I'm not an angst filled teen doing this for attention, I have deep issues, and I'm not some little kid that thinks it's cool to draw on my arm with a safety pin and make little scratches.

One of these days it is likely that I hit the wrong vein, or go just a little too deep. And I don't WANT to die...but cutting releases endomorphines that make it addictive, like a drug.

Does anyone else here do this?
Am I a bad person because of this?
Does anyone know how to cope?

Love, Dari

Paul Wilson · Feb 19, 2005

Cutting yourself is a very serious issue. Most would just tell you to get professional help, but i'm sure after your 3 months in an institute you don't really want to seek a shrink.

You say you were on sites which contained media of cuttings. These do not help, if anything they will entice you to do it more and egg you on. I highly suggest you do not ever go back to that site, or any of that nature.

It's all about will power, if you can fight off the urge to cut yourself to please yourself, you will do great, and will feel better about yourself just for passing the opprotune. Theoretically, the more you pass it up, the better you'll feel.

Talking helps, and knowing someone is listening can help more than anything. I'll listen to you whenever you want to talk.

Sketcher · Feb 19, 2005

Why didn't the professional help help?

Dari-Taz · Feb 19, 2005

It just made me so angry, I wasn't given any help, see? They just put me in some building and made me stay there. I was never talked to by any psychs or anything. Not once. It was awful there

Sketcher · Feb 19, 2005

Do you think talking to a therapist would help you? Would you be open to their input?

I don't mean to sound stand-offish, but I haven't been there so I can't offer much help. I will pray for you, though.

Dari-Taz · Feb 19, 2005

I don't mind at all. I don't expect you to know what I mean if you haven't been there, so it's perfectly understandable. At the minute I am open to any input, as long as it's positive. It's such a low, that I'm reaching for help any where I can get it.

Thank you, that you will be praying for me means a lot to me.

-Dari

2LivIsChrist · Feb 19, 2005

Hey im here to talk. Im not sure i can do much, but ill try. I know people who have gone through such situations. Not the exact problem, but they were addictive problems as well. They went through so much theropy and mental hospitals or rehab and none of them even worked. Only one thing helped them leave their problems. That was Jesus Christ. They surrendered their lives to Jesus, and took on his yoke (Jesus weight which is so much lighter then ours, and better). Recieving Jesus they had so much Joy, and many of them now are the strongest christians that i even know now. They have so much peace. Thats the only advise i know that will help you stop, by believing that God sent his one and only son, Jesus Christ to die for you. God Bless you, and I will be praying for you.

xSpideRx · Feb 20, 2005

I will pray for you. You are not a bad person.

awagoh · Feb 20, 2005

hi taz,

it was God who created our body and made us stewards of it.
i want to tell u that Jesus came to earth to die for me and u. He took all the pains so that we can escape the ultimate eternal pain in hell. He died for that body of yours...He died to take ur pains. i want u to know know that when u hurt urself like that Jesus is hurting too .. of course it is serious..otherwise u wont be bothered like that.. and im glad u feel bothered..because thats the first step of solving a problem...the recognition of the problem..

i slashed my wrist five times in three consecutive days last quarter last year..
i wanted very much to hurt myself because i did something awful which i can nevrer believed to have done in the nth time...it was a guilt tripping...a sort of vindicating my faults by hurting myself..

but no human manipulation can save us and cleanse us from unrigtheousness...it was only through Jesus that we can get a clean slate..and start all over again..when He forgives He forgets..

come to Jesus..only Him can fully undertsand you.only Him can fully change you..only Him can fully know you yet fully loves u despite that knowledge..

everyone is a bad person that's why Jesus came..the only issue there is our desire to change that..
ill pray for u..please keep in touch with me..

Dari-Taz · Feb 21, 2005

Sorry, but I am not a Christian.

wardpossy · Feb 21, 2005

Dari-Taz said:
Hey, I'm really new to the site, but thought it would be a great place to find some loving, caring support. So...here's my problem, I guess.

I'm 18 years old, and I've been cutting myself since I was about 12. I know that it's wrong, but it's an addiction I've been struggling with. My mother found out and had me locked in an institute for 3 months, which did not help at all. I have a real problem with giving up, especially when I look at some support sites that are covered in pictures of cuts and blood...they just make me want to do it more. :'( I want to be able to get on with life without having to lie about these scars, and be able to wear short sleeved tops again. I'm not an angst filled teen doing this for attention, I have deep issues, and I'm not some little kid that thinks it's cool to draw on my arm with a safety pin and make little scratches.

One of these days it is likely that I hit the wrong vein, or go just a little too deep. And I don't WANT to die...but cutting releases endomorphines that make it addictive, like a drug.

Does anyone else here do this?
Am I a bad person because of this?
Does anyone know how to cope?

Love, Dari

I just want to let you know that I will not judge you in anyway and know how it feels to be a "Misfit" I came from their. If ya want to talk PM me

Mr.Cheese · Feb 22, 2005

We have lots of self-injurers here.

tollytee · Feb 23, 2005

Dear Dari-taz,

The fact that you recognize something about yourself that you don't like, and are asking for help to overcome the problem for your own betterment, is the biggest hurdle you need to jump over. Because you want to stop the behavior so as to better yourself is also the correct way to overcoming.

I don't have much faith in institutions either, although I am sure that there is somebody in your community who could be there for you. Try a close relative that you can trust. If that is not a possibility, ask a clergymen. The internet is not the answer, in my opinion. I feel you need to have some one in whom you can trust that is available to you at all hours and with which you can sit and talk when the need arises. You say you believe the root of the problem is deep and complicated. For this reason, whomever you choose must understand that if they agree to help you, it must be a long term commitment.

Again, if you care about yourself enough to seek help, that is a major step towards defeating this thing.

I hope you find the help you need, and with that, the peace of knowing that you have done something to preserve a wonderful thing. You

God bless you and open your eyes to the joys of His ways.

Your friend in Christ,
Tolly

by pure grace · Feb 24, 2005

Hi Dari-Taz,
First of all you are not a bad person for cutting yourself.

Secondly, we love you here for who you are not for what you do or not do!
I know like many other people here through lots of friends that used to have different kind of addictions.They tired everything to get rid of them but most things failed after awhile.
The only thing that seemed to have worked for them all was to ask Jesus to help them to get rid of their addictions and short comings. It really sounds weird and nutty and everything I know. I was once were you are now, not the slightest interested in God, Jesus or anthing like that!
But I also had depression for 33 years and was suicidal in the end. I didn't even believe that there was a God, but i just had nothing left to loose. As I ask Jesus to come and help me or else i would just kill myself, He really did. My depression left me from that moment and I haven't had it since. That was 8 years ago. If you really want to get rid of this - just ask Him to help you!

Dari-Taz · Feb 28, 2005

:o I really hate to sound like I'm being rude, but by posting this, I didn't exactly WANT a Christian reply. Like I said, I'm not Christian, I just thought it might be nice to have some of that "love for everyone" stuff that you always preach in the town. I have not turned to God, yours or anyone elses for that matter, and through the sheer faith I have in MYSELF to give up, got me there in the end.

So thanks for the advice anyway, shame it wouldn't help.

Dari xo

Sketcher · Feb 28, 2005

Well, I hope you're not offended. God has brought many of us through our struggles, and we're only sharing what has worked for us. Anyway, I'll continue to pray for you.

Dari-Taz · Feb 28, 2005

Yeah I know you didn't mean it, and I'm not offended in the slightest

Infact I'd like to thank everyone that has helped me through this. You're all wonderful people.

Darian-xxx

Godless Pirate · Mar 4, 2005

Hey Dari,

Advice from a secular perspective for you.

First, when people are trying to break an addiction, seeing an image of that addiction makes it harder to stop. For example, when a person trying to quit smoking sees a lit cigarette, it makes them more inclined to light one up. The fact that this website's imagery reflects a lack of this knowledge suggests (to me) that it was not created by a very informed person. So I would find somewhere else.

Here is my advice. Get rid of your razors or whatever you use and put them somewhere that trying to cut yourself involves some kind of fairly significant inconvenience. That way, it takes that much extra effort to do so if you should want to. And do whatever you can to tell yourself you'll stop cutting and get it out of your mind.

Get professional help, but don't get yourself committed. Assure a therapist you won't do significant harm to yourself. You really need to see a psychologist, with a degree, that knows what they are talking about, and try your best to accept their advice and trust their judgement.

Also, have you considered a support group? I hope that this helps.

Dari-Taz · Mar 6, 2005

Yes, I've been looking at other websites and amusing myself in various ways.

Funnily enough, I met an old friend recently that I hadn't seen in years- and now we're in a stable relationship. He knows I used to self harm, and he's not overly annoyed at me or anything, he's really supportive and understands how I'm feeling at the minute. I haven't done that since I posted here

Thanks everyone,

Love Dari- xoxo

NothingButTheBlood · Mar 6, 2005

I had once made a suicide gesture and cut my wrists. There was a sense of control that I had not felt in a long time. There was also a release that came with that. A sort of now I can't hide anymore kinda thing. I would imagine cutting does the same thing for you. Control, power, release. Just like any addiction. You have to ask yourself what are you tring to control/release yourself from. I think if you found a couselor you could be open and honest with, that you trust it would make all the difference. I think group counseling would benefit you too. A support network to help you when you feel like hurting yourself.

I just wanted to add. I think you have come to a Christian board to post this for a reason. I had and anxiety problem and found reading scripture when I got an attack to help. Maybe just to give yourself something to focus on when you are wanting to cut like talking to God (praying) or reading the Bible will help you get through a tough moment. Just a suggestion.

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