I need help. I don't know if I can continue being Christian any longer :(

Sounds like you need a facility where you can safely detox for starters.

Animelover93 said:

TW: MENTION OF DRUGS AND SUICIDE
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-I feel like I can't be a Christian anymore :'( :'( The reason why is because I started doing marijuana vapes for pain and anxiety relief, which turned into me doing mushroom gummies. Now I'm addicted to getting high. Yes I done this as a Christian, but now I feel like I can't stop. I've spent so much money on vapes and gummies only to throw them away, vowing to never touch them again, knowing they gave me seizures, extreme paranoia, and hallucinations. My absolute go tos are the mushroom gummies. They made me feel amazing at first, but then I lost all control over my body, convulsing and screaming for help. It was terrifying. But apparently I'm wanting more. I almost have panic attacks daily because I want to get high. But I know it's breaking the Lord's heart. I don't want to do this, I love Jesus. He is my friend and I'm being a terrible friend. I never should've gotten involved with anything related to marijuana. I'm not against cbd or medical marijuana, I'm against recreational use which is exactly what I struggle with. I've never had this problem before, never. Even when I wasn't saved I never done drugs. Now it's like all I want. I'm tempted and have urges everyday and I don't want it anymore. I want Jesus to take this away completely. I'm on the verge of ending my life because of it. I literally pray and ask God to help me or kill me before I do it myself. I don't want to do that though, I want Jesus. I love Jesus, how can I do this to him? How?? How can I choose to sin and still have a relationship with him? What do I do? Also, my family swears up and down I'm not addicted, but I can't stop and am thinking of suicide everyday if I don't get high. I don't want to get high though! I want Jesus

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You need to consult your doctor.

Animelover93 said:

But my doctor will send me somewhere and that's not something I'm willing to do

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Well.. that something you are going to have to discern. You definitely need professional help and none of us here are qualified to help you. We are not allowed to give any sort of medical advise here.

Animelover93 said:

Well I was hoping maybe prayer?

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That goes without saying.

Animelover93 said:

TW: MENTION OF DRUGS AND SUICIDE
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-I feel like I can't be a Christian anymore :'( :'( The reason why is because I started doing marijuana vapes for pain and anxiety relief, which turned into me doing mushroom gummies. Now I'm addicted to getting high. Yes I done this as a Christian, but now I feel like I can't stop. I've spent so much money on vapes and gummies only to throw them away, vowing to never touch them again, knowing they gave me seizures, extreme paranoia, and hallucinations. My absolute go tos are the mushroom gummies. They made me feel amazing at first, but then I lost all control over my body, convulsing and screaming for help. It was terrifying. But apparently I'm wanting more. I almost have panic attacks daily because I want to get high. But I know it's breaking the Lord's heart. I don't want to do this, I love Jesus. He is my friend and I'm being a terrible friend. I never should've gotten involved with anything related to marijuana. I'm not against cbd or medical marijuana, I'm against recreational use which is exactly what I struggle with. I've never had this problem before, never. Even when I wasn't saved I never done drugs. Now it's like all I want. I'm tempted and have urges everyday and I don't want it anymore. I want Jesus to take this away completely. I'm on the verge of ending my life because of it. I literally pray and ask God to help me or kill me before I do it myself. I don't want to do that though, I want Jesus. I love Jesus, how can I do this to him? How?? How can I choose to sin and still have a relationship with him? What do I do? Also, my family swears up and down I'm not addicted, but I can't stop and am thinking of suicide everyday if I don't get high. I don't want to get high though! I want Jesus

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Don't worry about quitting right now. Worry about following the Lord's commands. Just my opinion.

Animelover93 said:

But my doctor will send me somewhere and that's not something I'm willing to do

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I have a doctor too. The thing I would recommend is to calm down and don't worry about the problem. You have more pressing issues. You need some healing perhaps. But I'm not a doctor or minister. I'm just a person like you, I believe.

You must be from Colorado. But I never heard of that stuff being addictive. They gave it to you for pain and depression? How’s your pain…. I will pray for you. Lord I pray that calm minds will prevail and that he would know he’s not condemned. Just a little mistake. Please let @Animelover93 see a doctor soon and take all things into consideration and actually be a help. Be with @Animelover93 and bless him so he can be comfortable and make headway and may all things work together for good to them that love the Lord. Have peace my Jesus friend and try to resolve this and I pray it will be resolved.

Never leave Jesus, even if you do the worst, being a christian is not about now, is about how you end up, is about endurance.
Later you will regret leaving Him, and you need to come back and recover all over again, better just keep going with God.

Animelover93 said:

TW: MENTION OF DRUGS AND SUICIDE
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-
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-I feel like I can't be a Christian anymore :'( :'( The reason why is because I started doing marijuana vapes for pain and anxiety relief, which turned into me doing mushroom gummies. Now I'm addicted to getting high. Yes I done this as a Christian, but now I feel like I can't stop. I've spent so much money on vapes and gummies only to throw them away, vowing to never touch them again, knowing they gave me seizures, extreme paranoia, and hallucinations. My absolute go tos are the mushroom gummies. They made me feel amazing at first, but then I lost all control over my body, convulsing and screaming for help. It was terrifying. But apparently I'm wanting more. I almost have panic attacks daily because I want to get high. But I know it's breaking the Lord's heart. I don't want to do this, I love Jesus. He is my friend and I'm being a terrible friend. I never should've gotten involved with anything related to marijuana. I'm not against cbd or medical marijuana, I'm against recreational use which is exactly what I struggle with. I've never had this problem before, never. Even when I wasn't saved I never done drugs. Now it's like all I want. I'm tempted and have urges everyday and I don't want it anymore. I want Jesus to take this away completely. I'm on the verge of ending my life because of it. I literally pray and ask God to help me or kill me before I do it myself. I don't want to do that though, I want Jesus. I love Jesus, how can I do this to him? How?? How can I choose to sin and still have a relationship with him? What do I do? Also, my family swears up and down I'm not addicted, but I can't stop and am thinking of suicide everyday if I don't get high. I don't want to get high though! I want Jesus

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Well the good news is.. You can’t quit being a Christian, because you love and know Jesus. If you’ve been saved, you’re His forever. So you can get that idea out of your head that you don’t want to be a Christian anymore and instead, confess… I’m a Christian who fights my flesh for marijuana. You’re not alone. Many many people fight addictions daily and love God.

This is a battle between your flesh and spirit but you need to know: 1 Corinthians 10:13: "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

God assures us that He will not allow any temptation beyond our ability to resist and promises a way of escape when we are tempted. But you have to fight your flesh and be in control of your decisions.

Satan is the tempter, and God is convicting you- that’s is why this battle is so hard. But your flesh is giving in to the temptation.

Your answers and solutions are in God, and in scripture, and reading your Bible every single day and lots of prayer will help you overcome temptation. How often do you read your Bible? If not daily- I suggest starting there with intentional prayer.

Gods word and promises are your sword to battle the flesh. You absolutely can stop this, and it sounds as though you want to, so now it comes down to strength (provided by God), wisdom (provided by God), and the desire to want what God wants for you more than your fleshly desires.

I smoked marijuana for 30 years straight, every day, for enjoyment, but I was a very depressed and anxious individual- the marijuana did nothing for me to help this of course. I too was ready to die. I knew only God could help me. One day I finally surrendered my life to Jesus and I started feeling this strong guilt every time I’d pick up my honeycomb and wax. I would hear God say “this is not for you” every single time I touched it. I fought this voice and gave into my flesh a full year and felt so guilty and shameful every time I touched it and when walking into church, I felt like a fraud. I was saved, and this is not what God wanted for me. The voice got so loud.. and one day I said “ok, I hear you- it’s not for me. I will obey.” And I quit cold turkey and haven’t touched it since. I cleaned out my house and got rid of everything- all paraphernalia, gone.

The guilt and shame left me instantly, the anxiety and depression left instantly, and I’ve never felt so much joy in my life. I won’t ever go back to that- All praise to God.

We will always fight our flesh in our lives, but God is always with us through the battles. And our desire to obey what God is putting on our hearts must be stronger than the desires of the flesh. You can do this, God is already helping you- so surrender. Make the decision today to obey what God is telling you.

Animelover93 said:

TW: MENTION OF DRUGS AND SUICIDE
-
-
-
-I feel like I can't be a Christian anymore :'( :'( The reason why is because I started doing marijuana vapes for pain and anxiety relief, which turned into me doing mushroom gummies. Now I'm addicted to getting high. Yes I done this as a Christian, but now I feel like I can't stop. I've spent so much money on vapes and gummies only to throw them away, vowing to never touch them again, knowing they gave me seizures, extreme paranoia, and hallucinations. My absolute go tos are the mushroom gummies. They made me feel amazing at first, but then I lost all control over my body, convulsing and screaming for help. It was terrifying. But apparently I'm wanting more. I almost have panic attacks daily because I want to get high. But I know it's breaking the Lord's heart. I don't want to do this, I love Jesus. He is my friend and I'm being a terrible friend. I never should've gotten involved with anything related to marijuana. I'm not against cbd or medical marijuana, I'm against recreational use which is exactly what I struggle with. I've never had this problem before, never. Even when I wasn't saved I never done drugs. Now it's like all I want. I'm tempted and have urges everyday and I don't want it anymore. I want Jesus to take this away completely. I'm on the verge of ending my life because of it. I literally pray and ask God to help me or kill me before I do it myself. I don't want to do that though, I want Jesus. I love Jesus, how can I do this to him? How?? How can I choose to sin and still have a relationship with him? What do I do? Also, my family swears up and down I'm not addicted, but I can't stop and am thinking of suicide everyday if I don't get high. I don't want to get high though! I want Jesus

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Maybe go to rehab, it will give you some structure to get you off the drugs. In the mean time spend more time praying, it will give you spiritual muscles, and spiritual desires.

Mat 26:41 Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."

The unconditional love of God will save you. I have been through things like what you are describing. Addictions that are killing you are the worst and that is the defining nature of addictions, is that they are not good for us.

First you need to let go of identifying yourself with being a failure. Of COURSE you are a failure, EVERY HUMAN is a failure, so beating yourself up about any slip ups is a trick of Satan and you need to tell that voice to shut its mouth and be silent when it is yapping in your ear.

We are children, not agents, robots, or empty machines.

Secondly, you should learn this phrase and repeat it very often. "Chasing Rainbows." Because that is what it is. The phrase will not fix the situation, but perspective is everything and eventually one must get a grip on the reality of the situation, being that it is a dead end and we end up feeling WORSE after what we are chasing rather than better...

You are in a fight against your body and the tricks that substances have played on it. It is confused by these unnatural signals it has been given by the drugs, so it is telling you lies and you have to bring reality back into focus.

Any negative voices you have floating around in your head, from people around you, or even on the internet... need to be ignored completely by you.

The LAST thing you need right now is negativity and you need to tell yourself daily "I don't have any time or place for negativity."

Negative thoughts, feelings, and especially people will send you right back into a depression that will send you right back into seeking a way to feel better... and this........... will send you right back into feeling worse again after doing silly things due to desperation.

If people put negativity forth toward you, or speak it into your life, do not accept it whatsoever and push it away like the filth it is.

Prayer is knowing God is with you even if you cannot hear His voice speaking. This is practicing faith, in what the Bible says, and trusting He is with us because He PROMISED He is with us. (He cannot lie, therefore He is hearing every word we speak and seeing every tear we cry)

I wrote all of this here, for you, because there are other people in the same situation that need these things. (thousands) I am praying for everyone that reads this.

Most importantly, and I cannot stress this enough.... DO NOT GIVE UP. The motto you should be adopting is "Never Give Up!" and sticking with it, as you will need it.

This is not going to be easy!!! But it will be WORTH IT!!!

God's LOVE will pull you through this, if you give it all to Him, and do not condemn yourself, for He is NOT condemning you. (Luke 7:47)

Lord Jesus didn't die on that cross for no reason! If you do not give up on Him, He will not give up on you! He knows your heart is to quit and do good.

Get some paper, and write down the key phrases that are here, as they are not mine. They are phrases and information that have set many people free, being concepts that change one's perspective, and perspective is everything.

God loves you. Your brothers and sisters love you. You always have people cheering you on, praying for you, and there IS a day of freedom in the future for you and it WILL be worth it.

Praying earnestly for you!

Not sure about your area as I am in Australia. But I would think there would be some residential supports for addicts and alcoholics or gambling addicts for that matter. I know here we have outpatient programs where you can get some counselling and support to stay clean at home. My son went through similar and his support worker would come to our home to see him sometimes. Took him to the gym as that was part of a positive change.

Then there is NA. Narcotics Anonymous. Like AA. They have meetings around all suburbs and you can meet anonymously with others who are going through the same. This is good because you are with others who relate and don't judge. You hear your own life story from someone else and think your not alone with this. They have a buddy system where a long term member will mentor a new person to ensure they are ok where you can ring them rather than pick up a drug. Pick up the phone rather than pick up a drug.

I am sure some churches will have some groups or programs or supports as well. You don't as there may be some x addicts at your church. Or in any church for that matter who you can share with. The point is its hard to do it on your own and there are people waiting for someone like you to help as they understand what its like. That is how Jesus works sometimes. Well most of the time I think with everything.

But you have come to the most important step which is admitting you have a problem. Then its a case of coming to believe that a power greater than yourself can restore you to sanity. That is God, giving their life to Jesus which it sounds like you have already done.

But sometimes and I should say often for addicts its a case of keep coming back to Jesus. Sometimes that means talking to someone which gives over a bit more to Jesus. For which you are doing now. It doesn't happen overnight. That is a misconception for most addicts. Or even serious problems in life.

It takes time and recommitting and giving to God more and more of your issues and self so He can transform and mold you into a new person. He is the potter and we are the clay. Become like clay lol. Let God mold you in whatever way.

So long as you take it to God which may mean taking it to someone who can help with this particular issue as drugs has a physical and psychological effect and a sign of an underlying issue. But the good thing is that with people that understand and don't judge because they relate so God makes it a bit easier and possible for us. Step by step and He will never give us more than we can handle.

Animelover93 said:

TW: MENTION OF DRUGS AND SUICIDE
-
-
-
-I feel like I can't be a Christian anymore :'( :'( The reason why is because I started doing marijuana vapes for pain and anxiety relief, which turned into me doing mushroom gummies. Now I'm addicted to getting high. Yes I done this as a Christian, but now I feel like I can't stop. I've spent so much money on vapes and gummies only to throw them away, vowing to never touch them again, knowing they gave me seizures, extreme paranoia, and hallucinations. My absolute go tos are the mushroom gummies. They made me feel amazing at first, but then I lost all control over my body, convulsing and screaming for help. It was terrifying. But apparently I'm wanting more. I almost have panic attacks daily because I want to get high. But I know it's breaking the Lord's heart. I don't want to do this, I love Jesus. He is my friend and I'm being a terrible friend. I never should've gotten involved with anything related to marijuana. I'm not against cbd or medical marijuana, I'm against recreational use which is exactly what I struggle with. I've never had this problem before, never. Even when I wasn't saved I never done drugs. Now it's like all I want. I'm tempted and have urges everyday and I don't want it anymore. I want Jesus to take this away completely. I'm on the verge of ending my life because of it. I literally pray and ask God to help me or kill me before I do it myself. I don't want to do that though, I want Jesus. I love Jesus, how can I do this to him? How?? How can I choose to sin and still have a relationship with him? What do I do? Also, my family swears up and down I'm not addicted, but I can't stop and am thinking of suicide everyday if I don't get high. I don't want to get high though! I want Jesus

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Jesus loves you as you are. You are accepted because He died for your sins. If his heart breaks, it is because He knows how sin destroys our lives.

If you continue to do it, it is because you desire it more than not.

Confess it to Him. Confess your weakness to quit on your own, then let Him empower you by His Spirit.

It may be instantaneous, or you may have to walk it out with Him. Put no trust in your own power or will. Trust Him to empower you with his will.

God loves you as you are. He's not beating you up so don't beat yourself up.

Let go and let God. Receive his love and approval through Christ.

We have this idea that we are to push ourselves harder. If we read our bibles more and pray more. All these things are great, but as long as we are doing it to earn something from God, then we are relying on our own works.

These things should be done as an invitation from Him to dine with Him and get to know Him more.

Don't beat yourself up. Talk to God as your friend. Don't hide from Him in shame. The blood of Jesus got you. Run into his arms, not away from Him.

Listen, our fallen nature does not love or want God. The new man in Christ where his Spirit dwells loves God and the things of God because his Spirit abides in him.

This tie with your flesh and soul does need to be broken, so talk to Him as your best friend knowing you are fully accepted and approved of in Christ.

Jo555 said:

Jesus loves you as you are. You are accepted because He died for your sins. If his heart breaks, it is because He knows how sin destroys our lives.

If you continue to do it, it is because you desire it more than not.

Confess it to Him. Confess your weakness to quit on your own, then let Him empower you by His Spirit.

It may be instantaneous, or you may have to walk it out with Him. Put no trust in your own power or will. Trust Him to empower you with his will.

God loves you as you are. He's not beating you up so don't beat yourself up.

Let go and let God. Receive his love and approval through Christ.

We have this idea that we are to push ourselves harder. If we read our bibles more and pray more. All these things are great, but as long as we are doing it to earn something from God, then we are relying on our own works.

These things should be done as an invitation from Him to dine with Him and get to know Him more.

Don't beat yourself up. Talk to God as your friend. Don't hide from Him in shame. The blood of Jesus got you. Run into his arms, not away from Him.

Listen, our fallen nature does not love or want God. The new man in Christ where his Spirit dwells loves God and the things of God because his Spirit abides in him.

This tie with your flesh and soul does need to be broken, so talk to Him as your best friend knowing you are fully accepted and approved of in Christ.

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Basically, confess it to Him. Don't try harder in the flesh because if you do the desire will only grow stronger and it will be harder. It's not trying harder in your flesh, but confessing it before Him and rely on his strength, and don't beat yourself up if it takes time, just let Him reveal things to you along the way.

Animelover93 said:

But my doctor will send me somewhere and that's not something I'm willing to do

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Its all about choices. Are you happy where you are right now, or do you want Jesus to help you overcome your sin? If you choose the later, you need to get help before it destroys everything. Jesus wants nothing more than to help you, but you need to open the door and get the resources that are available to get you through this. Jesus will be with you every step of the way if you ask. Humbly pray for forgiveness and His strength in overcoming. Have an open heart and allow God to lead you.

Animelover93 said:

But my doctor will send me somewhere and that's not something I'm willing to do

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Why not? If it’s something that involves sin then I get it, but if it’s not sin, then what have you to loose? You can’t Jill you self, that’s no solution to anything. I’ve also struggled with wanting to die, but God will get you through it. The best thing you can do is confess this to God, and to a fellow Christian who can hold you accountable, and go to rehab or maybe the place where your doctor is recommending. You can keep being a Christian, I was addicted to porn for years and even fell away, now I’m a Christian again (whether I was saved or not before is not for me to judge).