Hello all (this is Zek's wife)
Well I guess you all know everything, I first found out about this yesterday on this thread. I had no idea. I found it and I still couldn't believe it. I can't explain the hurt, pain and tearing of my spirit I feel. I spent the day in prayer. When I found it I was alone with the children and called my mom right away from a meeting she was having with Prison fellowship. She was speaking in front of a lot of people and she came right home. I had no one to help me, the first place I would always turn is my husband, but I couldn't now. We prayed all day, it was so hard to stay put together for my children who are all under the age of 5. Well zek was away for a night that day on a business trip for training. He was supposed to be home at 6:30. He called to let me know he was on his way home, I couldn't hold it in and wait for him to come home. I confronted him about it, he was quiet. Let me first say I have felt the grace of God, God helped me see through this horrible sick act that he is a damaged person, he needs to first know my unconditional love for him. I did not lash out or condemn him, or judge him, or tell him he is an awful person. I told him the pain I feel the hurt I feel, for my children as well. I told him we are all sinners, God will Never turn his back on us, so why should I? Don't we strive to have Christ's love? Didn't I make a commitment for better or worse? I stand with my vows, he has broken his. The vows we said before God and family. Do you understand the embarrassment I feel? This is a family member, he prayed on her, he took advantage of her. I have the husband that took advantage of a girl, a family member. Anyway this is the update we are going to go get help, he is going to The Every Man's battle workshop. I am left here with pain. I want to be close to him just for the comfort, but I can't I feel so hurt and unloved by him. I know he didn't want this to happen. But he put himself in this position himself. Writing this makes it hurt more. While we were talking on the phone for over an hour about it, he was over come with something. He has never felt unconditional love, not from anyone. He was waiting for me to yell at him condemn him, leave him. But I told him he would be waiting for ever. It is not my place to Judge him, I am a sinner as well, everyone is. God forgave me he forgives him as well. I can only get through this with God, he is my strength, my comfort when my husband can't be. God showered his grace on me that day. I told Zek we will get through this together with smiles on our faces in front of the kids. They are SO secure in their lives with love and happiness. This will not kill their spirit, they will know everything is ok between mommy and daddy. However I will NOT turn my head and look over this. There are grounds for divorce for this. But God is telling me to try and work it, trust in Him, He can do anything. I told zek that I will only stay here and help him if he is helping himself. And I am not the one to have to tell to do something or make him do things. If it comes to that point I will not try anymore, and our marriage will not last. It still hurts to look at him, the couch where my husband broke his vow to me, this selfish act in my parents home. And now the rift in the family, that one act to cause SO much pain and trouble. My parents are embarrassed and so am I. I will never be able to go to a family gathering, cause she will be there the other woman, who is hardly a woman more a girl. I will never believe if he is looking in lust or not, at her or any woman. It happened so fast for him! Sorry to ramble on but I wanted to post in here. Thank you