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i feel like a nut case...maybe i am

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Mary_Magdalene

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Feb 3, 2004
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i woke up at about 4:00 this morning with alot on my mind. i feel so out of place inthis world. sometimes i think I am the one who is out of it-not everyone else...

i am the "poster woman" on why G-d does not allow divorce. it makes such a mess of lives. you know, i married a man who had a child 18 months old-he is now 8 years old. we dedicated our lives to Christ right before we got married. My stepsons mom is very involved with our church-is actually a "leader type" in the singles ministry. my stepson came home here for the weekend and brought with him the costume his mom picked out for him for the church's fall festival (i guess she doesnt know we are NOT going). it is a black cape thingy with a black hood and face covering. my heart sank..... i want sometimes to grab my husband and kids (including my stepson) and run to a deserted island so we can live for G-d in peace. but i guess i don't have it as bad as Paul did...i should not be complaining. I am just concerned about my stepson. he has said he has made a decision to follow Christ and was baptised. His mom allows him pokemon, halloween (calling it fall festival) and other things that are not of G-d. I wonder how he feels about being here with us on the weekends...i am guessing we may be the boring home since we try to regulate what goes into our kids. i try to make things fun-Bible Baseball board games, Jonah "Go Fish" playing cards....

sometimes i am so discouraged.

Has anyone ever been AFRAID at learning and growing closer to G-d? See my Avatar?- that is how i feel G-d is relating to me right now. He is saying, "Come, grow with me". I am scared that the more i know the more i will see what is wrong around me that I can't change!!! I feel the Holy Spirit telling me over and over....pointing to MJism. but i want to turn away and hide my face. Like the woman who knows her husband is comitting adultry but ignores it because facing the Truth would be too hard..

I sat at a bible study that i go to every thursday morning. a woman said that "we should not "judge" others because just because the Holy Spirit has convicted us of something being wrong. we need to understand that maybe The Holy Spirit has not convicted the other person that it is wrong yet." this is the second time someone has said this. so i said something to the fact that "G-d's Word is absolute. It is black and white. There are rights/wrongs in it and those rights/wrongs are for EVERYONE."

uuugghhh!!! i am concerned about my kids. i teach them continually about
G-d and His ways. One of my 4 yr old's bible teachers came to me crying tears of pride and said whenever she reads a bible story and asks questions, my daughter is always the one with the right answer.... I know G-d is a part of their lives but i feel i am still struggling with this battle against the world.

 

visionary

Your God is my God... Ruth said, so say I.
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Everything is prophectic. When you look out on your world, the more you see the fulfillment of scripture. It shows you the world you are now living is more in Yeshua, and the struggles you have are Yeshuas. Yeshua promised to take the burdon off your shoulders. Let him. You are here to witness, and witness you do, make it not a burden for yourself but a joy in your life in Yeshua. Yeshua can be the only one who can carry the burden of the future of those you love. You can pray for them, witness to them, and live your life in Yeshua before them. Relax and trust Yeshua who said that the prayer of the righteous availeth much, which to be is also prevaileth much. If you take too much on, more than Yeshua asks of you, it will become works and will fail.

I am only telling you this, because this has also been my battles that you are struggling with and sometimes feel you are the only one and it is against the whole world. Sometimes afraid that it will all come crashing down and like an implosion become overwhelming and you will lose the battle. We often forget who is on our side. We often forget who's battle this is. We have not been given the hard stuff. We are to have faith, to pray, and to witness while living out our lives in Him.

I just want you to know that you made me feel better, knowing that I am not the only one struggling with this. I too have had to urge to take the kids and run for the hills, because the influx of worldly trash is sometimes more than you can throw out, because there is not enough of you to battle all the grounds and keep the home clean from it.

Thank you for being here and telling us ... because it has done me a world of good.

Visionary
 
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Sephania

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Yes, many a time we want to be like the Essenes, and get away from the pollutions of the world in the word, but we are called to be a light, our work is not done here yet, we will have eternity to rest in Yeshuas arms, but he has sent his Ruach HaKodesh to reside with us and uphold us through thick and thin and we must toughen ourselves up for the days to come.

He would not reveal to those his truth, if he did not think that they were strong enough to go the "whole race".

Know that you are not alone, and yes, everyone is being invited but not everyone RSVP at the exact same time, some never do and some throw it in the trash and then some will ponder over it until the last moment to send it back.

 
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By Grace

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I was thinking of posting something like this today, too. You're definitely not alone. I think my DH was a little mad at me today b/c we didn't dress the girls up for halloween, and I didn't bring them to his office like all the other parents, and we didn't go to the square for the trick-or-treating tonight (a small-town thing, I guess). I just get tired of being so "enlightened" on some things, and yet not being able to really see them through, since I need to respect my DH's stance on these things, too. I don't have words of wisdom. Just know we're in it together.

Surely there's a reason G-d is opening our eyes at this time...
 
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visionary

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Let's pool our money and buy an island somewhere. We could learn to roughit an become self-sufficient. Make sure that it is not claimed by some country, who demands that we abide by its rules. What are the chances of finding something like that?
 
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ShirChadash

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I can SO relate, Luv.
 
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Blueskies

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Chosengirl...

I am so sympathetic of your situation. I'm in much the same boat myself. I divorced when I was very young, and my two younger children are currently living with their father. (It's a long, complicated (and maybe boring) story, but I'll be happy to tell it another time if you'd like.)

All of these years I have not celebrated these pagan holidays, and tried to teach the little people not to. Last week when I talked to them, it was, "Guess what I'm going to be for halloween, and dad is letting us throw a halloween slumber party!)

UGH! I wanted to scream. I wanted to puke. He claims to be a 7th day, and maybe they do believe in halloween. All I can do is pray, and hope. And there is hope. My oldest (14), who lives with me, snuck around and went to a halloween party Friday night. She ended up feeling terribly convicted, and came home to me and confessed everything. I explained that she was old enough now to work out her salvation with Yahweh, and that had she told me, I would have dissapproved, but in the end, it had to be between her and him. She said she felt like she was sinning, and was very sorry she had done such a thing, not only sneaking around and dishonoring me, but also shaming her father in heaven. I told her I was very disappointed that she lied to me, and she's in trouble for that. She violated my trust, no small thing. I also told her that forgiveness was available if she asked for it. I will leave her to work out her own salvation. I can't control everything.

Last night, we sat with the porch light off, ate pizza as a family, and enjoyed some family tv together. It seems the teachings Yahweh has given me are not so far below the surface after all, and prayer is a mighty powerful thing.

There are things here beyond your control. I think the hardest thing for a mom to do is to let go. You cannot control everything that your children see, read, or experience, no matter how hard you try. Believe me, as a control freak, I know. All that you can do is teach your child and pray. After that, it's out of your hands.

May Yahweh bless your children, and the teaching you bring to them. May it root deeply into their hearts, and grow like a tree planted next to water.

Yahweh bless you and keep you.

Blueskies
 
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