I don't want to live anymore.

thank you all for your advise.
I am in college now, and do not have a lot of cash/healthcare, and the school counciler is just not someone I mesh well with, I understand I need help, but I just can not afford it right now.
thank you all for your prayers

hey your still alive, good choice.

AMHS24 said:

thank you all for your advise.
I am in college now, and do not have a lot of cash/healthcare, and the school counciler is just not someone I mesh well with, I understand I need help, but I just can not afford it right now.
thank you all for your prayers

Click to expand...

I'm sorry to learn that you feel you have no one to turn to, pehaps you could go to see a priest though...after all, he won't charge you ;-)

In any case, welcome to OBOB, you are in our prayers.

AMHS24 said:

thank you all for your advise.
I am in college now, and do not have a lot of cash/healthcare, and the school counciler is just not someone I mesh well with, I understand I need help, but I just can not afford it right now.
thank you all for your prayers

Click to expand...

You are indeed in my prayers. No one is worthy, but He still loves us unconditionally anyhow - no matter what. Sometimes it is we who cannot forgive ourselves. Peace to you and God bless you.

Thank you for responding AMSH, I have really been concerned about you.

Usually a college has more than one counselor--and usually there are counselors who specialize in mental health as opposed to curriculum. If your college has a health care unit, they can direct you.

If this isn't possible another option is to go to your general practitioner and tell him or her that you are depressed and may need an anti-depressive for a little while.

You sound like you really need help. Please act today if you can. I have been where you are now--I am so grateful I got help. Please consider this as necessary as being treated for the flu, because actually it is more important even than that.

AMHS24 said:

thank you all for your advise.
I am in college now, and do not have a lot of cash/healthcare, and the school counciler is just not someone I mesh well with, I understand I need help, but I just can not afford it right now.
thank you all for your prayers

Click to expand...

some churches have councilors available without cost on referral from the "pastor" have you checked this out?

AMHS24 said:

I hate myself, I hate my sins and I am tired of failing, I will never be good enough, I keep on going moveing away from Him. I am so tired of all of this.
My life is falling apart and I have no one to blame but myself

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Guilt originates in the memory and imagination. We commit a sin, remember it and feel guilty about it. If we are experiencing proper guilt, then repentance brings us back to the Lord and gives us peace. We must use our intellect so that memory and imagination do not run wild allowing guilt to take on unreal proportions.

Gods mercy is greater than our sins.

Feelings are not evil but neither are they reliable. They can cause us to embellish guilt so that in our mind we can do nothing right and may soon convince ourselves that there is little reason to improve.

Wallowing in guilt doesn't solve our problems or lead us to holiness.

Repentance and getting to the sacrament of reconciliation will.

AMHS24 said:

thank you all for your advise.
I am in college now, and do not have a lot of cash/healthcare, and the school counciler is just not someone I mesh well with, I understand I need help, but I just can not afford it right now.
thank you all for your prayers

Click to expand...

All priests are counselors. Go see Father and tell him what your going through and ask him if he would be your spiritual director and if not could refer you to someone who can.

I guarantee it will be worth the trip and you will feel much better.

Hi,

You are in my prayers also.

Remember that our Lord Jesus has taken all of the world's (yours, mine and everyone's) sin and infirmities with him to the cross so that we can be forgiven and comforted. Give your burdens to the Lord. As others have stated, confessing to a Pastor, and receiving Holy Absolution, and the council and reassurance of God's Grace is a good first step. Pray much and always, your prayers are heard, and will be answered through God's infinite wisdom and unending love for you.

Pax Domini,

Mark

AMHS24 said:

thank you all for your advise.
I am in college now, and do not have a lot of cash/healthcare, and the school counciler is just not someone I mesh well with, I understand I need help, but I just can not afford it right now.
thank you all for your prayers

Click to expand...

College can be a tough time. Know you are in my prayers. We (all of us) can not substitute for professionals, but we are here if you need to vent or talk.

AMHS24 said:

I hate myself, I hate my sins and I am tired of failing, I will never be good enough, I keep on going moveing away from Him. I am so tired of all of this.
My life is falling apart and I have no one to blame but myself

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Please, please do not give up! I'm begging you!
I have felt this way quite a bit in my life actually. I've even made a few attempts to end my life, but I am so glad I didn't. Each day, no make that, each moment is another chance for things to change.
God does not want to lose you! When you hurt, He hurts. When you cry, He crys.
I use to mess up my life on purpose, to hurt myself. In reality, I just wanted someone to care about me so badly. I so much wanted to know what it felt like to have someone love me. I wanted someone to fight for my life... And you know what?
Someone did... Jesus. I was at a very low point and I was down on my knees , devestated mostly. Sobbing and broken hearted. I begged for Jesus to take the burden from me because I felt that I could not make my life better.
That week a friend asked me to go to a bible study at the local catholic church. I had some preconceived ideas about the catholic church and they were not positive. I remembered my prayer to Jesus though and so I figured it wouldn't hurt to go just once.
Something happened at that bible study. The priest spoke so passionately about Jesus and went over many topics that were bothering me. I felt like I had entered another world for the time that I was there and by the time I went home I had a peacefulness in me that I hadn't felt in a very long time. I kept going to those classes and within a few weeks I decided to go to the classes to learn about the church so that I could get baptized. I am still going to those classes along with Mass every Sunday. I am still waiting on my paperwork to go to Rome so that I can be baptized and so that I can remarry in the catholic church.
ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE.
Ask God to help you. He WILL. I CAN GUARANTEE IT. BELIEVE!
HE does it time again, over and over for the most lowly of us. He forgives us. The most important thing is that he does not lose you. He knows our hearts.
One of our priests, use to be struggling very badly. He was struggling with drugs, alcohol and said his life was so sinful he was sure that he needed to be baptized again. It wasn't true, all he needed was to go to confession. And making a good confession is like being baptized. You become new again. He said it was so hard for him to go to confession. Apparently he drove there several times, hands gripped so tightly on the steering wheel ... Just to turn around and head back home.
His mother prayed the rosary for him at adoration. She was worried sick for her son was living a dangerous life.
And now he's an excellant priest, who reminds me of Jesus in so many ways... Spreading hope to those who really need it most.
I learned in my adult formation classes that we are not victims of this life. We need to choose to have hope. We need to work on it. It takes work. Because this life isn't easy. We are only human and so it is very hard for us to comprehend the love of God. I am full of faults also, but I know God is great enough to forgive me. And did you know that whatever you do in this world, you do not do it alone? Whether or not you end up going to heaven or hell, you do not go alone, you take people with you. Because everything you do has an affect on many others whether you are aware of it or not.
I AM BEGGING YOU ON BEHALF OF JESUS CHRIST MY LORD, TO NOT GIVE UP!!!!! You are valuable. Please choose to believe in all that is good. Believe in yourself. God made you after all.
God loves us so much and we need to choose to accept that love.
He is holding out His hand to you. Will you accept it?

AMHS24 said:

thank you all for your advise.
I am in college now, and do not have a lot of cash/healthcare, and the school counciler is just not someone I mesh well with, I understand I need help, but I just can not afford it right now.
thank you all for your prayers

Click to expand...

Our local priests are much better than paid counselors. If you could call the nearest church and ask to talk with a priest, maybe you could meet them in person. Just open your heart and share your troubles. I know our priests, want us to do things like that.
And make sure you take good care of yourself. Like Ukok said, many times we feel low it is because our bodies nutrients are off and not what they should be. If you have a few extra dollars invest in some B vitamins, like a B complex supplement and take one a day. Eat well. Try surrounding yourself with uplifting, positive people, listen to uplifting positive music. And work on controlling your thoughts. Don't let those negative thoughts linger. No trashing yourself and beating yourself up. It's obvious you are sorry. We all make mistakes. It's ok. Pray. Pray. Pray.
Don't give up. I am praying for you. I will keep praying for you. Please let us know you are ok and let us know how you are feeling, how things are going.
I will ask our priest to pray for you.

AMHS24 said:

thank you all for your advise.
I am in college now, and do not have a lot of cash/healthcare, and the school counciler is just not someone I mesh well with, I understand I need help, but I just can not afford it right now.
thank you all for your prayers

Click to expand...

Then call a suicide help line, check the county mental health services, ask at the local parish if there is help/counselling available in the diocese, seek out counselling online.

You can't afford NOT to get help right now....depression claims a huge number of lives, and longer you leave it unchecked the worse it becomes, and the harder eventual healing becomes. Do something.

I know it is so, so hard.

Dear Brother in Christ,
Please take care of yourself--- God is amazing in the fact that NO MATTER how low you've fallen, He is MORE than willing to help you back on your feet, forgive your sins, and get back to having a productive and happy life. Trust me, I'm living proof of His love and mercy.

Talk to a priest--- at the very least, they can help you with prayer and find professionals who would be willing to give you the support that you need. Services don't have to be expensive--- you'll probably find that people are VERY willing to help a person like yourself. But you need to take that step. And I'm sure you know the Lord is calling you to live, turn away from all this pain, and know that you are very very loved.

I think it's amazing of all the love and support from the OBOB members and I pray you will be blessed with peace and hope while reading through this thread. Many of us are lifting you up to Christ and I know that He is watching over you. Keep the faith dear one!

I forgot to add there are some supplements that help increase the serotonin in our brains which helps get rid of depression. I believe 5HTP can be bought at Wal-Mart. It does help, I have taken it a couple of times. It does not take the place of prayer and God, but definately could help as a supplement for a while.
Make yourself a priority. Find someone to talk to. Take some time to heal and nurture yourself. And know that we care about you very much. You have already caused quite a few people here to get on their knees and pray for you. You have asked for help here. You have cared enough to reach out and ask us if we care...
AMHS24, WE CARE!!!!
Do you care about us? Don't leave us hangin' wondering how you are. Don't leave us feeling sad and even possibly devasted. Please hang in there. Sometimes all you can do is cry and then go to bed for the rest of the day, but then the next day is better.
Hang in there friend.

Wow!

I was just feeling the way you do this morning. In fact I was going to post an entry from my journal when I stumbled across your post. It's important to note that "falling away from Him" sounds a lot like the Enemy whispering in your ear.

Hang in there...I'll be praying for you!

Welcome Razorbrooke, I'll be keeping you in my prayers also! I am so glad you shared that with us. Please take care of yourself. This is a great place for making new friends by the way.

AMHS24 said:

I hate myself, I hate my sins and I am tired of failing, I will never be good enough, I keep on going moveing away from Him. I am so tired of all of this.
My life is falling apart and I have no one to blame but myself

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Prayers for you.

My dear brother,



forever and ever. He IS love and He IS forgiveness.

I know that my Lord loves me.
My Lord forgives me.
My Lord will never forsake me.

My Lord is your Lord, and He loves you infinitely, He will always forgive you, and He will never leave you. No matter how bad you feel He will clean your mind and heart and hold you in safety. Do not despair--instead hope in Jesus. He does all things well. He put light in my life when I was lost in darkness. I pray unto Him now that He will do the same for you, our loved brother.

I'm always here for you, as are all of us here. We are your family in the Almighty God Jesus.

Remember, O most kind, sweet Lord Jesus, that none who have ever had recourse to Thy most sacred Heart, implored its assistance, or called for mercy, have ever been abandoned. Animated by this same confidence, I place my brother in Thy Heart. He is oppressed by the weight of sin- see him before Thee and despise not Thy child, but grant him, I beg of Thee, an entrance into Thy most sacred Heart. Sustain him in all of his combats and be with him, dear loving Liberator, now and at all times. O, gracious Jesus! O, amiable Jesus! O, loving Jesus! O, beautiful Jesus...May he love Thee now and forever. Amen.

My Lord is my life...may He be yours too.

Picture yourself at the foot of Jesus' Cross and pray LORD, HAVE MERCY or SAVE ME DEAR JESUS or whatever you'd like to ask of Him. Brother, He WILL hear you.

I'll be glad to pray for you.

Love,
Jonathan, your brother in Christ's living love

You know, it is funny I came across this tonight. I am in Orlando for work for the next couple days and was on a shuttle coming back from dinner and across from me was a family with a child in a wheel chair about age 6 or 7 who had no legs, no arms and a difingured face. I almost cried right there until I saw him look up at me and smile the most beautiful smile. He was happy to be alive and in Disney World. Right then I heard God speak to me and tell me this young man will do great things in his life and he is in God's plans.

Then, less than 2 hours later I read this post and realize my story of this child may be what you need to realize God loves you so much that he gave you two hands to do His work and two legs to walk in His way. It is up to us to see the gifts for what they are and to thank Him for them daily and accept our crosses and give away smiles each and every day even with the cross on our shoulders.

Prayers for you and all who must reconcile their lives and realize their life is GOOD! Just think, with one blink of an eye it could be worse if He felt you are not appreciative of what He did give you.