Hugging of opposite genders?!

im seventeen....im highly involved with the technical ministry at my church and the tech coordinator is one of the most important people in my life....u could call him a 'father figure' to me and also a close friend. he is in his thirties and is married and has a son a few years younger than I am. His whole family is important to me. He knows certain things about my family no one else knows (bad/hurtful things)...i used to hug him on a reg basis, usually when i got there n when I I left n stuff like that, and more when I was not doing so well. I hug his wife whenever I see her also and think of her as a mom to me as well. Anyways, the senior pastor told him we couldnt hug anymore...., but the pastor also said he trusts us and isnt worried bout us, but about what others will see n think. there are some elders at my church who hugs anyone and everyone, and hugs them 'very tightly' I guess you could say. And I can still hug other men who are my friends and who I look up to, but I can't hug the tech coordinator? I do not think this is right. I think if we trust each other that is all that matters. if others are going to accuse us of something, nothing will happen because we trust each other and we're not going to lie to get the other in trouble (understand what Im saying?) We can call the tech coordinator Joe. If I love Joe as a 'dad' n friend n look to him as a family, since mine is not very nice, and even his wife, and we trust each other, why should it matter???!!! also, the relationship is neutral. He loves me the same in the same way, and I was not the only one giving hugs before either, he would give me hugs just the same.
In my opinion, if this continues on, and it seems like it is not only in my church, soon no one will be allowed to hug anyone....Part of the reason i quit helpin in the day care was cuz they made a new rule that we pretty much couldnt touch the kids, cept maybe put one arm round them if they 'asked' for a hug. If we cant hug kids, n now gettin to the point of not being allowed to hug the opposite gender, then where will we be next....and this is in the church!! I know we have temptations, but hugging??!! Pastors should try and trust their members, ....and employers!!
Thank you!!!
Any comments will be of help. I just want to know your opinions!

oh yeah...n were almost twenty years apart!!

i put this in the worship arts cuz tech ministry is considered worship arts n i couldnt find another category for it to fit into...thanks.

I think you're right. I hug all of the females that I am close to in church but that doesn't mean that I want to do anything with them. I hug them because I have Christ's love towards them. I don't even have any other feelings towards them. It's just God's holy love. If other people judge you for that then that's their problem, not yours

hmm... its a tricky situation.

i understand you and what you are saying and feeling.

i also understand what yr pastor is saying. maybe he feels he wants to try to prevent anything happening. maybe he cares about you enough to look out for you and part of that is putting up that boundary saying "please no more hugs" so that other people don't think bad of you. maybe its not him that will or does think bad of you and that tech guy hugging.. maybe he likes you and the tech guy enough to not want your reputation to be burned.?
just a thought...

he might also feel a lot of responsibility as a pastor and maybe he wants to try to look after everyone..

It seems bizarre to me that a church would discourage hugging, particularly the fatherly/daughterly hugging you describe.

Are you hugging during services or something? That's the only thing that I could think of that would be distracting at all. As far as "what others may think", if I saw people hugging, my thoughts would be that those people are friends. Some people seriously have some overactive imaginations.

Interesting situation. I don't think there's anything wrong with hugging, church is probably the only public arena where we are allowed to genuinely hug someone and not feel funny. Ask your pastor if your'e up to , what's up with that. And your'e not allowed to hug the kids in day care? absolutely rediculous. If anything I feel that should be the decisions of the parents whether they will allow staff to hug the children. Sounds to me like your pastor is letting too much of the trivial world invade his church.

Yes, this is a hard subject I think in your case I really don't understand the concern.But I have to say I am single and on the worship team and I love to hug people only because of my sincere love for them, but I think because I am single that I should be careful because I do not want to upset someone who perhaps is a baby christian into thinking there is something else going on than what really is.I remember this man came up to me and hugged me for giving him and his wife a encouragement but I did feel his wife was uncomfortable with that I did make sure I approched her and gave her a BIG hug and I think it made her feel better? People are insecure and the enemy loves to play on that so I do think we need to be sensitive but in your case I don't see anything wrong?? Just a comment
God bless !

I think your pastor needs a reality check. That man obviously loves you like daughter and thus he needs to get past society.

-Hallee

Just checking back in on he opinions here. Interesting subject.

I really don't know what to say except I hear ya... In my church if my 18 year old girlfriend gives me a hug, people approach her parents saying that they are "concerned" about how "touchy" she is with me. People think we are making-out or something. Church people are so weird I cannot even stand them some times. I guess "no hugging" her is avoiding the appearance of evil...

It is ridiculous, but ultimately you need to obey your authorities. So if the request is not to hug during church then that has how it has to be. You could always talk to your pastor if this really frustrates you. I suppose it's one of the many joys of being in leadership or the 'spotlight'.

Thanks everybody so far!!

hmm, yeah my pastor is on a similar wave of thinking, I agree with him to some extent, I know he doesnt want to hug me esp. cos I'm single and yeah people think certain things when you hug certain people, which is absurd but true. anyways just pray about it and see what god really wants to happen.

There's a possibility of things going on that you don't know about...things that have come out in conversations or counseling that wouldn't be made public, but would give reason for him to suggest caution.

I started to type out some of the possibilities, but I don't want to plant wrong ideas about people in your head. Just remember that peoples' lives are complex, go back decades before you met them...people have insecurities and new problems that they never talk about.

It's not fair to you, though, because this just looks like control. What rights should a pastor be able to exercise? His decisions are fear-based -- symptoms of worrying about lawsuits, things going wrong...not knowing everything that's going on. When people control out of fear, usually other people pop out the seams.

I would!