How to let a man know you're interested while still being "hard to get"

CoachR64 · Apr 20, 2009

Tamera, glad you could tell all us guys what we want.

I KNOW what I want, I want a girl who does not want to play games. I am done with the games. I want a girl that knows what she wants too, and if she wants a relationship with me, she can be honest and open about it and leave that hard to get crap on the playground.

Coach

Tamara224 · Apr 20, 2009

CoachR64 said:
Tamera, glad you could tell all us guys what we want.

Hey, I'm just telling it like I see it. Seems to me a ton of guys say they want one thing then when it comes right down to it they go for something completely different. They say they want straightforward but when they get it it turns them off... They want the uncertainty and excitement of wondering if a girl likes them back. That tension, that difficulty. They like having to screw up their courage to ask a girl out and face the possibility of rejection, the triumph and sense of accomplishment they feel when she says yes.

Also... The guys in this forum are notoriously difficult to please. All I can say is that if I listened to all you all I'd be miserable and bitter by now. Not to mention thoroughly confused (because the advice varies so much).

I KNOW what I want, I want a girl who does not want to play games. I am done with the games. I want a girl that knows what she wants too, and if she wants a relationship with me, she can be honest and open about it and leave that hard to get crap on the playground.

Coach

Okay. If you say so.

CoachR64 · Apr 20, 2009

When you grow man parts, you can tell us what men want. When you have 10 men telling you one thing, it makes no sense to think you know better than them and none of them know what they want. That is just absurd.

Coach

Markus6 · Apr 20, 2009

CoachR64 said:
When you grow man parts, you can tell us what men want. When you have 10 men telling you one thing, it makes no sense to think you know better than them and none of them know what they want. That is just absurd.

Coach

I'm going to defend her because I think women do the same thing. Sometimes our attraction works on a more primitive level than our reasoning.

Beauty4Ashes · Apr 20, 2009

I don't like playing mind games. If you play games to get into a relationship with someoene who was also played games with you, you will likely continue playing them in the relationship, which will lead to uncertainy, mistrust and resentment. If you get into a relationship by being straightforward and honest on both sides, you are much more likely to have a straightforward and honest relationship.

The kind of people that like playing games, in my opinion are not good relationship material, at least not for me.

Doesnt mean you need to ask the guy out or tell them you are madly in love with them before even knowing them very long. That's a little crazy. Just take your time getting to know them and make the effort to show you are interested and say what's on your mind. Nothing wrong with flirting if you actually are interested in the person. I am not much of a flirt and have never been one just to flirt with people for the attention or fun of it. But if I am interested in someone (and single) I will flirt with them, assuming it's not one sided. Of course once in a relationship, you get to flirt with the same person as much as you want

Oh, and it's not actually that complicated. All those people that tell you to do this and that, will just confuse you. Be yourself. You wouldnt want someone to fall in love with you, thinking you were anyone other than your true self.

Niels · Apr 20, 2009

Tamara224 said:
They say they want straightforward but when they get it it turns them off... They want the uncertainty and excitement of wondering if a girl likes them back. That tension, that difficulty. They like having to screw up their courage to ask a girl out and face the possibility of rejection, the triumph and sense of accomplishment they feel when she says yes.

Men already face the possibility of rejection without women playing hard to get.

When I meet a woman who thinks I'm hot stuff, and the feeling is mutual, it's more of a "cool... I found a good one" reaction than a sense of accomplishment.

soccerdad66 · Apr 20, 2009

I agree to an extend that nobody likes to play games, but what some (but not everyone) people call games can be part of a healthy process in pursuing a relationship.

But I more agree with Tamara. A women needs to know that she's worth pursuing, that's she's worth fighting for. Actions speak louder then words, and you can find out a fair about a person during this process.

Tink · Apr 20, 2009

soccerdad66 said:
But I more agree with Tamara. A women needs to know that she's worth pursuing, that's she's worth fighting for. Actions speak louder then words, and you can find out a fair about a person during this process.

Wow.

Tamara224 · Apr 20, 2009

Markus6 said:
I'm going to defend her because I think women do the same thing. Sometimes our attraction works on a more primitive level than our reasoning.

Thank you, Markus. I think you're absolutely right about attraction working on a more primitive level.

And I don't need "man parts" to observe the behavior of men, Coach.

Women do it too - say they want one thing but then end up going for something else - so it's not like I am trying to single out the behavior of men.

The truth is... most of us actually enjoy the game much more than we admit.

Also... many of us define things so differently so this topic gets a little confusing. Some people think "playing hard to get" = playing mind games and deception. I think "playing hard to get" is more along the lines of flirting and doing what works best to get a person's attention. And it usually doesn't last much beyond the first date or two. So it's not like it's going to destroy a relationship.

It's really just about getting a guy's attention and keeping it long enough for him to make a little effort to get to know you. Girls who throw themselves all over guys usually aren't very successful in holding the guy's interest. You gotta play it cool.

CoachR64 · Apr 20, 2009

Pursuing and her playing hard to get are two totally different things. If I pursue a girl, and she plays around like she doesn't want to be pursued, I will move on to someone else. I am not going to play silly games. Either she is interested or she isn't.

Tamara, you weren't committing on behavior, you were making flat our rude insults to the men of this forum saying they do not know what they want and basicly saying we are all juvenile idiots. That has nothing to do with behavior, but arrogant rude ignorance about what the men here think.

Coach

Starcradle · Apr 20, 2009

Beauty4Ashes said:
Of course once in a relationship, you get to flirt with the same person as much as you want

A practice I highly recommend!

Markus6 · Apr 20, 2009

CoachR64 said:
Tamara, you weren't committing on behavior, you were making flat our rude insults to the men of this forum saying they do not know what they want and basicly saying we are all juvenile idiots. That has nothing to do with behavior, but arrogant rude ignorance about what the men here think.

Coach

Well she's insulting when you put words in her mouth. "Juvenile idiots" was an interpretation you chose to make, not something she said.

Tamara224 · Apr 20, 2009

CoachR64 said:
Pursuing and her playing hard to get are two totally different things. If I pursue a girl, and she plays around like she doesn't want to be pursued, I will move on to someone else. I am not going to play silly games. Either she is interested or she isn't.

Tamara, you weren't committing on behavior, you were making flat our rude insults to the men of this forum saying they do not know what they want and basicly saying we are all juvenile idiots. That has nothing to do with behavior, but arrogant rude ignorance about what the men here think.

Coach

Coach, don't get your knickers in a twist.. I was not being rude - you are being too sensitive.

It's like you're reading my posts just to find something you can twist into a personal insult against yourself these days.

Did you see how I said we probably define "playing hard to get" differently?

Think it might have some impact on this conversation?

CoachR64 · Apr 20, 2009

I never said she used those words, Markus. I am talking about her tone towards the men here. It was rude and disrespectful.

Coach

CoachR64 · Apr 20, 2009

Tamara, I am not trying to be a martyr or twist anything. You ARE being rude when you claim the guys here have no clue what they want, and they are lying when they say something differently than you feel...

It was not a personal insult to me, but it was a general insult to all of the men on this forum and it was uncalled for.

Coach

Markus6 · Apr 20, 2009

CoachR64 said:
I never said she used those words, Markus. I am talking about her tone towards the men here. It was rude and disrespectful.

Coach

It's an internet forum. All words, no tone. You read a rude and disrespectful tone. I don't see it, I agree with her.

Tink · Apr 20, 2009

I agree that some of what Tamara has said is insulting to the men here.

Like these, to be specific:

Tamara224 said:
A lot of the guys around here will tell you they don't want that... but 1st, they don't represent all men and 2nd... I honestly think most of them don't know what they really want.

Tamara224 said:
Also... The guys in this forum are notoriously difficult to please. All I can say is that if I listened to all you all I'd be miserable and bitter by now. Not to mention thoroughly confused (because the advice varies so much).

Just my opinion.

CoachR64 · Apr 20, 2009

Thank you tink, you have so much more tact than I. I skipped that lesson. I think I went to the lake that day.

Coach

Markus6 · Apr 20, 2009

.tink. said:
I agree that some of what Tamara has said is insulting to the men here.

Like these, to be specific:

Just my opinion.

I think she is just saying what she honestly thinks. I also agree with her and have made the same accusations of ladies before. Sure you can take these words and be insulted by them. I didn't. Perhaps she even has some biblical basis:

Romans 7 (NASB) said:
19For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.

Tink · Apr 20, 2009

Stop skipping lessons!

How to let a man know you're interested while still being "hard to get"

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