How to flee temptation? - Please help!

Gottseidank · Aug 5, 2009

Hi guys,

I am addicted to internet porn. I already tried to overcome it by will power, praying, keeping pure thoughts, evading everything inciting etc.. It doesn't work. After 1-2 weeks the pressure and craving in my (perverted) mind is just unbearable and I give up: "Just this last time..!"

By now I feel like a damn liar and hypocrit to ask God for forgiveness all the time...

I figured out, if I cannot overcome it, I need to flee the temptation. Here is my problem.

I cannot quit the internet, my parents are using it as well and I cannot tell them the truth. Also moving the computer in some other room wouldn't help.

I heard some are installing porn filters in order to prevent themselves from watching. I even found a very good service (surfonthesafeside.com, a proxy server), but the problem is, it's very easy to turn off. The only solution would be a password to enforce the filter for good. But I don't know how and there also other ways to bypass the filter. (I also cannot give admin powers of my personal computer to somebody else without them asking my why I do this. And I cannot be honest, really.)

So I am asking you guys. Does anybody have an idea? Or do you think it's just impossible to make porn unavailable? I'm grateful for all suggestions.

Criada · Aug 6, 2009

I use K9 protection... after setting it up I scrambled the password and emailed it to a friend. She lets me have it if I ask... but she does ask why I need it... which helps to keep me accountable.
I have also found that this site:
higher-calling
is very helpful... it is a community of Christians who struggle will sexual sin, it is a great source of support and accountability.

Praying for you, brother.

Johnnz · Aug 6, 2009

There are two issues you need to look at.

a) Access. Seems you can't just 'turn the computer off' so are there other strategies that will restrict your access?
b) You need to examine the why? Partly its due to you being a seuxally mature male, but porn is not a healthy expression for that.

John
NZ

Gottseidank · Aug 7, 2009

Thanks for your advice guys.

I found another solution. It's called "www dot opendns dot com"

It's FREE, though reliable. You can set it up and then put a password on.

I think I will customize it as I need it and then give the password to somebody else, maybe to somebody on this forum, so he can change it accordingly and then I'm SAFE from myself. What do you think about that?

Gottseidank · Aug 7, 2009

Criada said:
I use K9 protection... after setting it up I scrambled the password and emailed it to a friend. She lets me have it if I ask... but she does ask why I need it... which helps to keep me accountable.
I have also found that this site:

is very helpful... it is a community of Christians who struggle will sexual sin, it is a great source of support and accountability.

Praying for you, brother.

Yeah, I have K9 as well. Unfortunately I am a tri-lingual (german, russian, english) devil, so K9 may block german and english pages, but not russian ones. opendsn seems to work better in that relation. Right now I have both working.

I kinda feel like Odysseus and the Sirens.

I wonder when people are going to sue the porn industry...

Criada · Aug 8, 2009

Gottseidank said:
Yeah, I have K9 as well. Unfortunately I am a tri-lingual (german, russian, english) devil, so K9 may block german and english pages, but not russian ones. opendsn seems to work better in that relation. Right now I have both working.

I kinda feel like Odysseus and the Sirens.

I wonder when people are going to sue the porn industry...

I'm glad you have found something that works for you, brother. It is a hard fight.. but God is with you, and He will strengthen you.
Being multilingual must make it that much harder. Praying for you!

Johnnz · Aug 8, 2009

That seems like a useful tool. That is stage 1.

The real issue though is dealing with the question "Why is porn attractive to me?" Get the right answers there and you will become far more free. Blocking programmes won't be necessary then.

John
NZ

Memento Mori · Aug 9, 2009

When you have the desire to look, try to commit to waiting 30 minutes. That is much easier than saying flat-out no. Hopefully you will either 1) forget about it or 2) have less of a desire to look.

The "heat of the moment" is not a very good time to try making big decisions. The key is to outlast your mood. The mood will pass. You could tell yourself "I'll look at all the pornography I want in 30 minutes," and then in 30 minutes when you have cooled down a bit you have a better chance at successfully saying "nah."

graeme72 · Aug 11, 2009

Another very good filter is "Safe Eyes", which not only blocks the sites, but can be set up to email or SMS another person every time you try to access a porn site. Just another way to help with accountability. But unfortunately you can't install it without all other users on the computer being aware of it, so it may not be suitable in your situation where you don't want others to know about it.

Like John says, blocking the porn is only stage 1, or part of, the problem. But it is an important part. I believe that the longer you can stop doing it, the easier it becomes to deal with the other issues. I heard someone say once that healing requires time and obedience. It's hard to heal when you're continuing to feed the habit, and coming up with some kind of block to help you stop is going to be helpful.

The right solution I guess will depend on how the computer is used in your home. But I'm sure others here, including me, would be happy to hold the password etc if that will work for you.

Graeme

Gottseidank · Sep 2, 2009

Thank you all for the advice. I know it's only the first step. But this is the same with other addiction. Nobody who tries to stop smoking will actually have cigarettes around him where he could avoid that, right?

Gottseidank · Sep 2, 2009

Criada said:
I'm glad you have found something that works for you, brother. It is a hard fight.. but God is with you, and He will strengthen you.
Being multilingual must make it that much harder. Praying for you!

Criada, since you use K9 as well... Do you know if there is a way to set up a password in remote mode?

I mean, I would prepare it (block out all sites and key words, setting up the correct filters etc.) and then would have somebody else put a password on, remotely. (I just cannot ask any RL-persons here around me...)

How did you do it? I mean, how did you set up a password you yourself did not know afterwards?

myanchor · Oct 16, 2009

You have taken the first step by appearing here and asking for help.

Second step is talking with someone in real life and getting them to help you monitor the usage. And I am sure your dad would be willing to help you without embarassing you to your mom.

The illicit nature of doing things in secret is also part of the attraction.

Friend of Bunyan · May 27, 2010

I hope this link works (I just found it) and I just had to share(sorry I just found I can't post links yet) It's on tangle.com and the video is called somebody's daughter.

I once worked with young ladies who were all very good looking and the funny thing is I really can't remember lusting after them.I considered them as friends.Good friends and because of my hurt and suspition due to past peer abuse, I found them to be very respectfull.I still smile when I remember them if I have difficulty liking folk.
Hope this helps.
regards and God bless,
Charlie

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