I would like to give some further inputs into this, but before I do, I just want to note that the OP is being very polite. She hasn't been snappy at most of us who disagree with her way of thinking. That said, I think we should try to be polite to her in our posts. Remember: There is no condemnation in Jesus (Romans 8:1). Putting emphasis on "you" and "your problem" is condemnation. As Christians, we are not supposed to condemn. We are, however, supposed to convict, which is Godly sorrow as defined in the Bible. Conviction shows someone the answer. So let's communicate with the OP in ways which are in accordance with what the Bible teaches, should we?
Now, to the OP, remember Proverbs 3:5 says, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not unto your own understanding." My pastor told me that the last part translates to "lean not on your own insight." I urge you to take God's words over your insight.
Becstacy said:
i plan to take my children to church. my boyfriend supports this. we plan to instill them with christian morals when it comes to sex and honesty, and also chinese beliefs when it comes to respect and honor. above all, we will teach our kids to be good people. if they ask me about daddy, i will be honest with them. but of course i'm not going to tell them "daddy's going to hell." i don't think children should be told this at such an early age anyway. they're minds are still new, they need a positive beginning. fear is not a substitute for love and inspiration to believe in God.
I would like to point out something important I learned from Joshua Harris. He says that marriage doesn't change a person. In fact, marriage is a better reflection of who a person is. Your boyfriend accepts the fact that you're a Christian, but that doesn't change the fact that he's a non-Christian. Marriage would better depict his non-Christian side. Even if he is willing to educate your children on the Christian view of sex, wouldn't your children see that he obviously does not believe in what he's talking about, since he had pre-marital sex but didn't repent? Your children may see that he is taking them to church and attending, but he would be doing it for your sake, not for God's sake, because he doesn't believe in God. This is still a risk to your children. You said you won't tell your children that non-believers like their dad will go to hell. This is giving me a huge "red flag."
You're saying you have to censor part of the Christianity belief for the sake of your non-believing husband! This is very dangerous. Again, it is putting further risk into your children when they don't get the true picture of Christianity. For the sake of your children, you should marry a believer.
my boyfriend also grew up in a non-christian home, and is a part of a warm, non-christian family. the only difference is that most of his friends are non-christian, and he never got the opportunity to be exposed to god's word. should he be punished for something that was out of his hands? should he be given less opportunities or restricted in who he can marry? should he be condemned to hell, summed up and shunned right here and now? what if, in time, he becomes a christian and the only hurdle is the timespan of a year? you said yourself that as years pass people slowly grow and change.
God gives all of us an equal chance to accept Him. You cannot say that his being a non-believer is out of his hands. It's his choice! Our surroundings give evidence of a Creator, and you have tried to get him to believe in the Creator, yet he doesn't. As for whether he should be punished and be less restricted in who he can marry, yes. God is loving, but he is also righteous. As a Christian, I'm sure you know that. This is why non-believers don't have the right to eternal life. If he doesn't have the right to eternal life, you can be sure that God would not give him the same rights to less trivial things like marriage. Remember how I mentioned that in the Old Testament, God forbidded many of His followers to marry people of other religions, so yes, God does restrict who a person can marry. Unfortunately, some go against God's restrictions.
God is a perfect God! He would not say one thing and mean the other! If He says do not yoke with unbelievers, He means that. He would not match up one of His daughters (you) with a non-believer (him) because that would contradict with what He told Paul to say in the Bible. This fact alone should be enough to steer believers away from dating a non-believer.
As for his becoming a Christian in a year, that is merely a possibility. You cannot love a person for who he will be (or who he possible will be), but who he is now. There is a chance that he may never be a Christian. You mentioned that he does not have much exposure to Christianity. When you continue to date him, he will have even less exposure to Christianity when he sees that your dating him contradicts with what Scripture teaches about not yoking with non-believers. Again, you should do what Scripture teaches because you love God, and also to show your boyfriend the proper Christianity.
I hope that you see God's will more clearly. Remember how I said that God will take away feelings of attractions, but this does not mean that you can continue to be with your boyfriend until God takes those feelings away. No, you have to make the choice to leave him, and then God, seeing that you want to change, will take those feelings away. God will not change people who do not wish to change. I'm talking from experience here. God has several times taken feelings away from me, but only after I acknowledged that those feelings were not from Him and that they should not be in me. I also had to do my part in resisting those feelings before God took them away. He took away my feelings in a matter of days but only because I did my part in recognizing the feelings were not from Him and in resisting them.