How hard are LDR's?

For all of you who are or who have been involved in an LDR (I'm talking about couples who have met, not online relationships), just how difficult is it? Do you constantly miss the other person, or does it come and go? Do you think that a couple needs to be together for a long time and have a really solid foundation before the LDR happens? Do you think its easier if the LDR is only for a set, short-ish period, rather than indefinate?
I've been seeing a guy for a little while, and we're not yet "committed" to each other but we like and care for each other a lot. Next month, I'm leaving on missions for four months, and I have no idea what to expect to happen in this relationship. Has anyone been in a situation like this before? How did it work out for you?
All replies are welcome and appreciated
Jen

It's incredibly hard, but not impossible. You both must have much trust and an unshakable sense of security. You both must be able to be happy to stand on your own two feet and not depend on the other person for anything. You must be happy to be by yourself, to live by yourself, and consider any contact gravy.

I am not sure I can do it again. I love it when my girlfriend comes over to see me on a regular basis. That's not to say I'm not happy on my own, because I am, but I love the time we spend together and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

LDR is tough. I'm involved in one currently (an online relationship that has worked out well in person too). We've survived 2 1/2 years of it so far... only 3 months left until it's not long distance anymore, 93 days to be precise *points at wedding ticker*.

The key to surviving a LDR is communication. Keep in touch regularly, whether via email, snail mail, instant messengers, SMS, or phone.

You have to be absolutely, positively sure that the other person is worth it, or you'll never make it.

PurpleBunny said:

LDR is tough. I'm involved in one currently (an online relationship that has worked out well in person too). We've survived 2 1/2 years of it so far... only 3 months left until it's not long distance anymore, 93 days to be precise *points at wedding ticker*.

The key to surviving a LDR is communication. Keep in touch regularly, whether via email, snail mail, instant messengers, SMS, or phone.

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Communication
Man, there were a few days when we logged in 10+ straight hours of AIM time

I agree, communication is key.
But then, it is to any relationship

I'm in one right now. Started online but is now much more than that since we've spent time together. But it was always been long distance.


It's hard.

I agree with everything said above here.
Communicate! (letters, packages, postcards, pictures, emails, phone calls, telegrams, carrier pigeons... whatever). Express what is really going on in your life and dig deep for what is really going on in theirs. You want to know the whole person- thoughts, emotions, experiences, wisdom, stupidity...

Be okay on your own. (repeating the above post wouldn't make sense, so read again the point on being okay on your own)

Is he a believer? Have you asked him to be a prayer partner with and for you all throughout your trip? Praying for someone can bring us closer together without even realizing it.


My relationship is going swell right now. even though my emotional life is in shambles, he is still there with and for me, letting me be who i need to be but also not letting me insult myself, get depressed for no reason, or ignore God.
this aspect of our relationship many people don't stumble onto very quickly. Not often are we asked to stand by someone who's crumbling away at their very roots. But gosh darnit, that's part of life too. So I guess through this I'm praying God makes my SO and I ten times closer.

The distance can't be solved right now in my relationship. It's going to be an LDR for a while. And you know what, that's okay. For now is okay. Many times people in LDR's can't see the end of the long distance period- like myself. But count it a blessing beyond blessings that you know the exact DAY it will be over. Yay!!

missju said:

carrier pigeons...

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Where's my carrier Pigeon, Josh

MY EXPERIENCE

My boyfriend and i started dating at the end of his his senior year, and my junior year. He chose to go to college in Michigan...ooodles of miles away from where i live...::TEARS:: but he chose the school before he chose the girlfriend...hehe...so i cant blame him.

its been difficult, but we are especially lucky because he goes to school for 3 months, and then moves back here for 3 months to work. Its a work trade school basically...its nice...cause i get to see him for 3 months, and then he is only gone for 3 months at a time.

BELIEVE ME!!! its the toughest thing in the world...i cry whenever he leaves...

but God has been good to us, and our relationship, and we've grown soo much from this experience. Plus, i know i want to spend the rest of my life with him...and im pretty sure he feels the same...so the time apart isnt that big of a deal in the long run.

i think you can make it through 4 mo. believe me...its worth it!!

sweetmercy said:

For all of you who are or who have been involved in an LDR (I'm talking about couples who have met, not online relationships), just how difficult is it? Do you constantly miss the other person, or does it come and go? Do you think that a couple needs to be together for a long time and have a really solid foundation before the LDR happens? Do you think its easier if the LDR is only for a set, short-ish period, rather than indefinate?
I've been seeing a guy for a little while, and we're not yet "committed" to each other but we like and care for each other a lot. Next month, I'm leaving on missions for four months, and I have no idea what to expect to happen in this relationship. Has anyone been in a situation like this before? How did it work out for you?
All replies are welcome and appreciated
Jen

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Hmm. This is tough to say. I think that it depends on the couple and their personalities. My g/f and I are in a LDR. She lives about 2 hours away. Not to far, but I only get 9mpg in my truck and she no longer has a car, so we rarely see each other. The thing is that we had been, and still are, best friends for nearly 3 years before we had started dating. However, we were also long distance friends. She and I have planned for the long haul. She and I have always encouraged one another in our faith. Whenever we get to see each other we make sure that we pray together and that we also read the Bible together. We are also consistantly praying for each other. She and I have been in enough relationships to know what we want. And we have known each other long enough to know what the other person expects. I know it may sound like I am bragging (in a way I am). We talked some not to long ago and found out that we had had crushes on each other since we met and never said anything to each other. We just stayed friends and never acting on our feelings. Actually, we dated other people throughout those 3 yrs. So, by seeing how the relationships played out we saw how each other acted. Please understand that we did not go off and date people as guinia pigs to observe how we would act. Sometimes our feelings would come and go, and we would date others. I really think that it was in the Lord's timie that she and I began dating. I have always been really nervice about asking a girl to "go steady", but with her it was like placing a piece in a puzzle. She fit. She fit my standards, and I fit hers. Plus we had 3 yrs of crushing on each other.

I think that it is imporatant to have a solid foundation. Both of us spend time in prayer to God. Not just about asking the Lord to take care of her, but I also pray for the things that she prays for. If she says she is praying for someone who has cancer, then I will join her in praying for that person and will share that, if it is ok with her, with the people in my Church.

I do know stories of LDR's that work. My parents are examples of this. My mom and dad knew each other for 3 months. Then my dad was shipped overseas with the USAF for 6 months. He proposed over the phone, took 2 weeks leave and came back to the states to get married. I'm happy to say that my mom and dad will be celebrating 24 years of marriage on May 14. They have been an example to me, especially in the last few years, of how a couple should love each other. Even though they are always picture perfect they manage and remember how much they love each other.

In your position, I don't think that I would jump into a relationship quite yet. I'd at least wait until after the mission trip. Of course, I don't know you and your b/f. Pray about it, and have a close friend pray about it too.

FatBurger said:

You have to be absolutely, positively sure that the other person is worth it, or you'll never make it.

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This is so true. For my case, i recently entered into a LDR and it's been almost a month. I got to know this girl 2 yrs ago when she came to my church. Essentially we saw each other for 2 days only. She flew back and for the next 2 yrs, didn't keep in contact much. It was only recently that she came here for a few days and we talked about it and decided to go ahead. Truth is, we had feelings for each other the first time we met so it may seem fast. Currently we understand what we need to make this relationship work. We both are looking for marriage and so that's a big assurance for each other.

To answer your questions, I have my own life to live and so i guess i don't really miss her alot. We don't talk on the phone everyday even. We're currently taking it slow and steady like sms and email. Whether or not the LDR would have a solid foundation or not depends on both of your goals. If both of you know each other enough that both of you can see a future with each other, then that's a solid foundation. And how you strengthen this foundation is by communication. Most of the LDRs that i read about communicate very frequently. For me it's not the case, so it depends very much on you and your partner's personality. If you're both cool cats, then there's no need to communicate everyday for an hour or so. Get what i mean? So far that's my experience.

I'm currently in a LDR with a girl from Michigan. I'm in SC. I flew up there this weekend and had a blast with her and her family and friends. I agree communication is key and it's also important to keep God at the center of the relationship. Still it is hard.

My girlfriend had been dating about six months when she started getting busy... i saw her probably a dozen times over the next two or three months, then she moved three states away... lol.

And I asked her, bluntly, if she wanted to try to keep things going. Her answer was awesome... "It's hard enough to leave you and all my friends, I dont know what I'd do if I lost you too."

So we started the long distance thing... We've been together for a total of 16 months now, we've seen each other about once a months for the last eight months... We have about three months to go before we're together again... She's going to college and i'm transferring to her college. I'm hoping to ask her to marry me at the end of next school year (when we've been together again for a while).

Some things to consider though, about an LDR. Phone time is a must and Chat time is great, but also do little things in the middle. I've sent her stuffed animals and cards out of the blue and done little things when I know she's down... Once (cheese alert) i sent her a "CandleLight Dinner in a Box." Complete with a Scooby Doo birthday candle, a styrophome bowl, plastic spoon, can of spagettios, bottle of red "Crush" pop, and a wine glass... i warned you it was cheesy . But little things like that keep you close and let her know you love her and you're constantly thinking about her (and she does the same thing for me and I get the same feeling).

The second thing I want to post is a warning!

Time together will become limited, so it is easy to be too physical when you're together. We've never done anything bad... but only because she made me stop... or i've made me stop. Alone time becomes very dangerous if you intend to abide by God's laws (which I hope and trust you do).

So those are things to consider. LDR's DO work, just take a little effort and self discipline.

**ALSO** I forgot to add this originally. DO COUPLE DEVOTIONS! We're reading "Devotions for Dating Couples" by Ben Young and Dr. Samuel Adams. We read them over the phone .

That Scooby Doo dinner thing is killing me. hahaha. I'm going to steal that idea if you don't mind. That's priceless.

I have been through one. Fell through at the end of it. Which leaves me to say right now, if you're a person who prefers physical proximity, I'd say, be fair to your bf/gf, break up for now. When you get back, then see if it's possible. LDR's are definitely not the best option however, thank God, it is not the only choice.

Sir Kenin:

Feel free to use it! She'll melt