How far is too far?

British One · Feb 12, 2004

globe said:
How far is too far?

If you're asking that question then you've reached the line!

da_user · Feb 12, 2004

It's entirely between the people involved. As long as no one is forced to do anything he/she doesn't want to, then whatever you get up to is fine. "By mutual consent" is the rule in such matters. Anything else can be classed as rape - and that definately isn't on. So - talk with your partner, discuss what turns you both (or all) on and get down!

British One · Feb 12, 2004

da_user said:
It's entirely between the people involved. As long as no one is forced to do anything he/she doesn't want to, then whatever you get up to is fine. "By mutual consent" is the rule in such matters. Anything else can be classed as rape - and that definately isn't on. So - talk with your partner, discuss what turns you both (or all) on and get down!

Hmmm, don't remember that bit in the bible...

Micaiah · Feb 12, 2004

'How far is too far?'

Wrong question.

'How can I honour Christ and show proper respect for myself and others?' is the question, and right attitude.

da_user · Feb 12, 2004

British One said:
Hmmm, don't remember that bit in the bible...

depends which version you use

da_user · Feb 12, 2004

Micaiah said:
'How far is too far?'

Wrong question.

'How can I honour Christ and show proper respect for myself and others?' is the question, and right attitude.

I think the "show proper respect for myself and others" is enough. And, yes, it's the right question.

British One · Feb 12, 2004

da_user said:
depends which version you use

I use the version that God wrote, which version do you use?

da_user · Feb 12, 2004

British One said:
I use the version that God wrote, which version do you use?

I've never come across the version that god wrote - I never had god down as a writing-kind of entity myself. Writing stuff down seems a little bit too worldly for what is supposed to be a superior being.

plum · Feb 12, 2004

Let's not stray from his original topic, alright? He asked a good question, and I think it'd be nice if we just gave our honest opinions, which we are all entitled to.

da_user · Feb 12, 2004

missju said:
Let's not stray from his original topic, alright? He asked a good question, and I think it'd be nice if we just gave our honest opinions, which we are all entitled to.

I did give my honest opinion.

plum · Feb 12, 2004

but this topic is not about the version of the Bible that should be used, okay.

British One · Feb 12, 2004

missju said:
but this topic is not about the version of the Bible that should be used, okay.

Okay

Melee · Feb 12, 2004

fishstix said:
What do you mean by responsible? How is starting relationships with sex responsible?

You are twisting my words. I indicated that we were responsible as far as STD's and pregnancy are concerned. We use protection and have both recently had tests performed.

As for starting relationships with sex, that in and of itself is not a simple issue of responsibility. What bothers me is this notion that you will burn in hell for engaging in a perfectly natural behavior. I like sex, as does the girl I'm currently dating. If the relationship is going to advance, it is important that we see head to head. Like it or not, sex is an important part of relationships.

Answer this for me: A virgin, obviously can not tell you how much he or she enjoys sex and how frequently he or she would like to engage in it. How can they know, without having sex before marriage, whether or not they are compatible or are polar opposites? What good is accomplished by a relationship of two unhappy, sexually frustrated people? That is the type of thing that will lead to adultery and betrayal.

tim the surfer · Feb 12, 2004

have any of you ever been in a relationship with a girl and she believes in having sex before marriage - and you don't? believe me, that is a very, very hard situation (and no, I'm not trying to make a pun)

Nathan8906 · Feb 12, 2004

Melee said:
What bothers me is this notion that you will burn in hell for engaging in a perfectly natural behavior. I like sex, as does the girl I'm currently dating. If the relationship is going to advance, it is important that we see head to head.

Sex is perfectly natural. In marriage.

Do you not know that the wicked will not enherit the kingdom of God? Do not be decieved: neither the sexually immoral nor idolators nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 1 Cor. 6:9-10

According to this, the sexually immoral will burn in hell without the saving grace of Jesus.

Answer this for me: A virgin, obviously can not tell you how much he or she enjoys sex and how frequently he or she would like to engage in it. How can they know, without having sex before marriage, whether or not they are compatible or are polar opposites? What good is accomplished by a relationship of two unhappy, sexually frustrated people? That is the type of thing that will lead to adultery and betrayal.

I'm going to say something that some people might find hard to swallow... Ready? *gasp* relationships are not all about sex. I know, it's quite a revelation. Good sex is merely a by-product of a good relationship.

fishstix · Feb 12, 2004

Melee said:
You are twisting my words. I indicated that we were responsible as far as STD's and pregnancy are concerned. We use protection and have both recently had tests performed.

As for starting relationships with sex, that in and of itself is not a simple issue of responsibility. What bothers me is this notion that you will burn in hell for engaging in a perfectly natural behavior. I like sex, as does the girl I'm currently dating. If the relationship is going to advance, it is important that we see head to head. Like it or not, sex is an important part of relationships.

Answer this for me: A virgin, obviously can not tell you how much he or she enjoys sex and how frequently he or she would like to engage in it. How can they know, without having sex before marriage, whether or not they are compatible or are polar opposites? What good is accomplished by a relationship of two unhappy, sexually frustrated people? That is the type of thing that will lead to adultery and betrayal.

Your profile indicates that you are Catholic. Doesn't your church forbid the use of birth control? Aside from that, how do you deal in your own mind with the fact that the Bible says that sex outside of marriage is a sin?

As far as how people figure out whether they're going to be sexually compatible before they marry without losing their virginity, the people over at the marriage board could probably answer that better than I could. I'm sure you can find some there who waited and some who didn't.

I would hazard a guess that those people who had premarital sex are more likely to end up in adultery/betrayal situations that those who stayed virgins until marriage. The reason being that if someone has no problem with sleeping around before marriage, they'll likely have less problem with sleeping around after marriage than would someone who has been saving sex for only one person. Furthermore, if someone only has sex with one person they don't really know how good or bad it is because they have no basis for comparison. As far as they are concerned, it is the best sex they've ever had because it is the only sex they've ever had. And as far as deciding how often to have sex once married - it's called being able to compromise; something that any good relationship will need in a multitude of areas.

ftw1029 · Feb 13, 2004

tim the surfer said:
have any of you ever been in a relationship with a girl and she believes in having sex before marriage - and you don't? believe me, that is a very, very hard situation (and no, I'm not trying to make a pun)

No, but I've been in the opposite situation (many times). IT'S BAD! Because what I've read up to this point is exactly correct: the person who doesn't believe in sex before marriage is trying to keep themselves pure and the other person is trying to see how far they can go!

I'm not saying that b/c you don't believe in premarital sex you aren't tempted--you are. But it's easier to "keep your eyes on the prize," if you will. You know why you're trying to "be good" and you know you can rely on the Lord to help you b/c He put the desire for purity in you in the first place.

I could go on like this forever, but I'll stop.

William Nunn · Feb 14, 2004

Melee said:
That would make the relationship entirely too sterile. A relationship is supposed to involve becoming closer and more intimate. I've been dating a girl now for a week and we had sex on the second date. Sex is an important part of any serious relationship. Isn't it important to determine early on whether you are sexually compatible? Isn't that better than finding out after you've invested years into a relationship, or even marriage, that you are not sexually compatible, and the relationship ends as a result?

If you can't have a relationship with a woman outside of sex, you will never be in a great relationship. Believe it or not, the most sexually satisfied people are usually the ones who DON'T sleep around and waste their sexuality on people they have no intention of spending their lives with.

jamesrwright3 · Feb 14, 2004

The Bible is quite clear when it comes to sex outside of marriage. God loves us and put those rules in there for a reason. Sex outside of marriage can lead to problems,and in additio

What are Christians doing when they don't follow God's rules pertaining to sex? They are saying that they are not willing to surrender the entire heart and life to God. They put God in a box...He can have control over most of my life except for when it comes to my relationship with my signifcant other. Jesus said we are to love God with all of our heart..

We are also taking God's mercy for granted. God loves each and everyone of us. We are to call him our Father in heaven. He wants us to love him. By sinning when we know it's wrong, we are taking God's mercy for granted. How would you feel if your children said they loved you with their lips, but their actions didn't show it?

The boundary that should be set is when your feelings of love turn into animalistic lust. You can show affections to your significant other..you can cuddle and hold him/her close...as long as you know the feelings you have inside are loving feelings..and not those of lust...any further than that and I think you are walking on shaky ground..

Arikereba · Feb 14, 2004

ftw1029 said:
No, but I've been in the opposite situation (many times). IT'S BAD! Because what I've read up to this point is exactly correct: the person who doesn't believe in sex before marriage is trying to keep themselves pure and the other person is trying to see how far they can go!

Not always.

I wasn't Christian when my boyfriend and I started dating, and I didn't really get what the big deal was, but I accepted his decision to wait for marriage and absolutely did not intend to try to press my luck. Getting someone to violate their own moral code was (and is), in my mind, one of the worst things I could do.

Which is not to say that it might not have been a temptation for him, to know that I wouldn't exactly resist if he changed his mind--it might have been. But that's a more subtle downside than assuming the worst in people.

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