How do you know if she is the One?

GQ Chris · Dec 6, 2007

Does it happen instantaneously, or gradually? Did the love have to grow, or was it love at first sight?

jessesgirl · Dec 6, 2007

It was instantaneous for us...well, for me. I knew it on the beginning of our first date. It took him to the end of that date...he is a slow learner, bless his heart!

FaithfulWife · Dec 7, 2007

GQ Chris said:
Does it happen instantaneously, or gradually? Did the love have to grow, or was it love at first sight?

I don't think there is only "One"--not meaning that we should be married multiple times, but rather, if someone is committed they could make a decision to be with any number of people. For example, I am an INFP (Myers-Briggs) personality type and I could decide to be married to an ESTJ (my exact opposite) and make the decision daily to be committed to that person. But that doesn't mean it's EASY!! So since I could decide to be with someone even though it's difficult, there's not just "the ONE".

However, I can say that for me it was a gradual thing. I had a general idea of the type of person that would be a good compliment to me, and I had an idea of the qualities that I would LIKE to have "just cuz". When I met my current dear hubby, I did decide that he was someone I'd be willing to make the decision to love daily because he met and exceeded the requirements AND the "just cuz". Then I made a conscious DECISION that would be willing to commit to loving him daily.

ciaradawn · Dec 7, 2007

I didn't like him at first. I thought he was cocky. lol I dated his best friend who was a lot lot cockier than he was! We became friends and started dating a year after that. I think once we started getting to know eachother we instantly liked eachother, but our love was gradual. & I am greatful for that.

* I know you said "she" but I'm assuming that it's directed towards anyone and us girlies can answer too

HeatherJay · Dec 7, 2007

I just knew...right away. Not love at first site...but there was most definitely an instant connection. And 4 days later, we both realized that we were in love. We got married 4 months later.

MyaShane · Dec 7, 2007

We pretty much knew right away, too. Not instantly, but it didn't take long either.
We kind of had that "can't live with you, can't live without you" thing going on for a while that just grew into more, too.

invisiblebabe · Dec 7, 2007

FaithfulWife said:
I don't think there is only "One"--not meaning that we should be married multiple times, but rather, if someone is committed they could make a decision to be with any number of people. For example, I am an INFP (Myers-Briggs) personality type and I could decide to be married to an ESTJ (my exact opposite) and make the decision daily to be committed to that person. But that doesn't mean it's EASY!! So since I could decide to be with someone even though it's difficult, there's not just "the ONE".

However, I can say that for me it was a gradual thing. I had a general idea of the type of person that would be a good compliment to me, and I had an idea of the qualities that I would LIKE to have "just cuz". When I met my current dear hubby, I did decide that he was someone I'd be willing to make the decision to love daily because he met and exceeded the requirements AND the "just cuz". Then I made a conscious DECISION that would be willing to commit to loving him daily.

I love Myers-Briggs

My husband and I are both INTJs, which is the rarest female type and a rare male type as well. We connected instantly and from literally the day we met, we knew that it was very likely we'd end up together. I do think our common INTJ-ness contributed to that instantaneous "knowing"

I would have gone insane had I married an E or an S type. While I have some awesome ES type friends, my needs in a romantic relationship are very different from what they could provide. Yet, some people do need people more opposite them... it really depends.

HeatherJay · Dec 7, 2007

invisiblebabe said:
I love Myers-Briggs

My husband and I are both INTJs, which is the rarest female type and a rare male type as well. We connected instantly and from literally the day we met, we knew that it was very likely we'd end up together. I do think our common INTJ-ness contributed to that instantaneous "knowing"

I would have gone insane had I married an E or an S type. While I have some awesome ES type friends, my needs in a romantic relationship are very different from what they could provide. Yet, some people do need people more opposite them... it really depends.

I have no idea what type my husband is, lol, but I can say with certainty that he's almost completely opposite of me. And still, we both just KNEW.

I think some connections make no sense at all...and they still work.

FaithfulWife · Dec 7, 2007

invisiblebabe said:
I love Myers-Briggs

My husband and I are both INTJs, which is the rarest female type and a rare male type as well. We connected instantly and from literally the day we met, we knew that it was very likely we'd end up together. I do think our common INTJ-ness contributed to that instantaneous "knowing"

I would have gone insane had I married an E or an S type. While I have some awesome ES type friends, my needs in a romantic relationship are very different from what they could provide. Yet, some people do need people more opposite them... it really depends.

My ex was an ESTJ (my exact opposit) and although in many ways it expanded my abilities as a human and I learned a lot, it was REALLY HARD! We couldn't communicate very well at all.

My current dear hubby is an INTP so he's a Thinker and I'm a Feeler but other than that we're a match. It is MUCH better!! We already sort of intuitively understand each other, with the one challenge of him trying to be a bit more understanding of feelings and me a bit more thinkery. Thus, with my current dear hubby, once I knew that he met the requirements for a man I'd get serious about, and once I discovered he had all of the "just cuz" things I liked too--why it wasn't long before we knew we could be married. I mean, I had suspicions right away and within probably a month of meeting him thought it would work out.

It did!

Epoh99 · Dec 7, 2007

For my husband it was love at first sight. For me, it took at least 5 months. I wasn't interested in him like that at all and then on New Year's eve almost a decade ago I realized I'd fallen in love with him. I still remember we were at a New Year's Eve party outside just standing together and he gave me his jacket to wear because I was cold. I was standing there and thought, I love him. It was a real surprise to me but we've been married 8 years now and I love him more each day.

invisiblebabe · Dec 7, 2007

HeatherJay said:
I have no idea what type my husband is, lol, but I can say with certainty that he's almost completely opposite of me. And still, we both just KNEW.

I think some connections make no sense at all...and they still work.

Haha, so true I can think of a few in my life like that. God does some odd things in regards to friendship

FaithfulWife said:
My ex was an ESTJ (my exact opposit) and although in many ways it expanded my abilities as a human and I learned a lot, it was REALLY HARD! We couldn't communicate very well at all.

My ex fiance was ISTJ... yes I'm INTJ so it's one letter off, but cognitive-function-wise it is verrrry different (I'm also off-the-charts-high N, so it makes the S/N gap all the more difficult to bridge)... that, and he was very immature when it came to open communication

My current dear hubby is an INTP so he's a Thinker and I'm a Feeler but other than that we're a match. It is MUCH better!! We already sort of intuitively understand each other, with the one challenge of him trying to be a bit more understanding of feelings and me a bit more thinkery. Thus, with my current dear hubby, once I knew that he met the requirements for a man I'd get serious about, and once I discovered he had all of the "just cuz" things I liked too--why it wasn't long before we knew we could be married. I mean, I had suspicions right away and within probably a month of meeting him thought it would work out.

It did!

Hehe I read that many married couples do have 3 out of 4 preferences in common. I doubt that most of them know so quickly, though!

jwwells · Dec 8, 2007

Ah the great human mating dance!

How do you know? There are two primary ways: with one's heart or with one's mind. There's no one person we need for a mate. Rather, there is a group of people who fit well into our life. We often marry the first member of that group we come across, that is following the heart.

For those following the mind it isn't that much different except there is more thinking and analysis in who fits into 'the group.'

For me, due to my past, 'the group' had only women who fit a model of behavior, looks was not at all in the group. I found a fiery red-headed midget who adores me as I adore her. She is and was very much a member of my "The Group."

Ornela · Dec 8, 2007

I think for me it was love at first talk. I don't know but there was something very attractive about him and I just knew...I had a feeling...it's hard to explain.

GQ Chris · Dec 8, 2007

I'm thoroughly confused now

Ornela · Dec 8, 2007

GQ Chris said:
I'm thoroughly confused now

Haha, may I ask, why is that?

Julianna · Dec 9, 2007

Autumnleaf · Dec 9, 2007

GQ Chris said:
Does it happen instantaneously, or gradually? Did the love have to grow, or was it love at first sight?

I knew. She found out later. At first she just thought I was hot and good for a little fun.

GQ Chris · Dec 9, 2007

Autumnleaf said:
I knew. She found out later. At first she just thought I was hot and good for a little fun.

Good for you man, how may I ask did you seal the deal and win her?

Autumnleaf · Dec 9, 2007

GQ Chris said:
Good for you man, how may I ask did you seal the deal and win her?

You had to ask.

Slipped one in past the goalie.

Nobility · Dec 10, 2007

Hubby would tell you that he certainly did love me instantanously. I took about 3 years to realize that I loved him.

It's been near on 6 years since he first looked at me and started asking his friends who I was, we became friends about 2 months later, and been best friends since.

How do you know if she is the One?

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