How do you get a 2.5 year old to tell you he needs to go?

HeKnowsMyName · Feb 23, 2009

I am so very tired. We've been trying to train him for several months now. He did have to have surgery on his wingding right before he turned 2 (meatal stenosis) and I do wonder if that is a contributing factor OR if it's just because he's stubborn. He'll go tee tee if we make him, but he has yet to tell us that he needs to go. We have to remember to take him every 1.5 hours or so. He refuses to do the other job even though I have caught him right before he did it once and took him and one time he was in the bathtub and got out and did it himself (can you imagine the proud Mama he had). I'm just at my wits end. We plan on sending him to 3 YO pre-K like we did his sister, but I'm beginning to think he *might* not be potty trained by then.

Birbitt · Feb 23, 2009

You can't really make a child tell you when he has to go...he may not be able yet to identify that feeling and vocalize it to you. My oldest son didn't potty train until he was 3 because he just wasn't ready but when he was ready he potty trained very quickly.

JayCeeGirl · Feb 23, 2009

He may just not be ready yet. Maybe give it a break for a few months and see how he does then?

jgonz · Feb 23, 2009

I would suggest giving it a break also. Most of my kids were nearly 3 before training, so it wouldn't be the end of the world to wait (IMO).

lucypevensie · Feb 24, 2009

Several months seems like a long time. What do you use for trainers? Cloth or Pull-ups, diapers for sleeping? Do you have diapers in your house at all? Pull-ups and diapers are more absorbent and comfortable and may not contribute much toward motivation.

I don't necessarily think you need to stop and try again later. You could if you want to, but I can testify to successfully PTing 2 children who were not interested ("ready") in the least when we ditched diapers.

My only suggestion is to keep a pleasant attitude and continue to have him sit on the potty every 1.5 hours or whatever you have set up. Try not to be at your wits end. Like my mom told me, "don't act like a terrorist if he has a mistake". Not saying you act like a terrorist, but our frustrations are sensed by our kids and it makes us look like big meanies.

I had my son trained in about 1 month, and it went pretty smoothly for the most part, but I do regret the times I let my frustration show even a little bit. Its so not worth it! Being calm is so, so important. Does he enjoy the praise and the gushing when he has success? If not, maybe tone the party atmosphere down a bit and stick with a good job high five or something.

Oh, and does he have to help clean up his accidents? That can be very motivating.

Just a few thoughts. Sorry so long

HeKnowsMyName · Feb 25, 2009

We only use pull-ups at night and on Sunday while at church. I have let him go in big boy pants to church, but I find I worry the entire service so ... it's so not worth it.

He does enjoy the praise and we've rewarding him with candy, toys, rides on the tractor, etc. The funny thing is, he'll have an accident and say, I not ride on tractor like it's no big deal. Makes the terrorist Mom want to strangle him. J/K

Right now there is no cleaning up since it's winter and it all soaks into his big boy pants and long pants. When the weather gets better and he can wear shorts, I'll get him to help clean up. That's a great idea.

As far as doing the big job, he did get out of the bath tub again last night and do just a little in the potty. He's done that twice. I'm thinking he doesn't want to get the poo in the bath tub so why would he want to get it in his pants??? Befuddles me. We've shown him his bottom with poo on it in the mirror. We've shown him his nasty big boy pants. He just says ick!

Lucy, would you like to potty train him? I'll loan him to you for a month. LOL

ShannonMcCatholic · Feb 25, 2009

you wait until he's 3 and a half?? we're all about potty training as a process. i don't see the point in stressing about something which will happen on it's own in time. We don't do treats or rewards for potty- just like we don't reward for breathing or learning to read...lol! they are their own reward.

Hadassah · Feb 25, 2009

Some kids it takes a while to get to "hey, I have to go!" but they know when they need to and will go if offered.

There's so much to see and do, I find that asking and frequent visits to the potty help lots. Does he have his own potty, or is he using the big one? Might want to change scenery if you don't think it will make him go in odd places rather than on the pot, and you can gradually move it back to the bathroom and make frequent trips *there* when you think he has to go.

Neenie1 · Feb 28, 2009

It's taking my daughter a long time to be potty trained too. She will be 4 in June.

If he has had medical issues to cope with, it will probably take some more time.

We have been working with my dd since October last year. She is getting better. In fact the last 2 days or so, she has been refusing to go when I tell her, and she hasn't had any accidents. I think it's gotten to the stage where she is figuring it out herself. Also she is lasting longer between doing no. 1 so I think her bladder is able to hold more She doesn't do no. 2 on the toilet/potty either, and yes also has gotten out of the bath to do no. 2 in the past. I think when she is ready she will be ready.

She doesn't start 4 year old kindee (she's not going to be going to 3 yo kinder) until next January/Feb anyway, so we still have time.

Stan53 · Mar 1, 2009

Prissanna said:
He'll go tee tee if we make him, but he has yet to tell us that he needs to go. .

You will be waiting a long time.
This is one time when you must be proactive and take him. Also shorten the length of time between visits. Make it every 45-60 minutes. And when it comes to the other side of things, you might need to be a little rude. If you suspect he needs to do a bowel motion, then sit him on the potty and tell him he stays there until the job is done even if it takes a little longer and much protestations.
Been there done that. There are times when Mr Nice Guy or Mrs Nice Warm and Fuzzy Mummy doesn't work.

gracechick · Apr 14, 2009

Yes we are experiencing some frustration too with our 3 1/2 year old dd. She is bright and is a bit stubborn, but she is not potty trained. I read in Dr Leman's book that she at that age has experienced it as a big deal and now uses it to control us. ANd he said a potty chair usually works better, but dd hated hers and simply refused.

I believe it is about half and half. She can be stubborn and has an attitude, but I know she does do some of it to manipulate as I see the look on her face. It also adds to the frustration when family jumps in and informs you blah, blah, blah. sigh.

Will people just admit that some are harder to train then others

Scottish Joy · Apr 18, 2009

gracechick said:
Will people just admit that some are harder to train then others

LOL yeah, I'll admit it!

Everybody's different, even little ones. I've heard that boys have a harder time with potty training than girls, but I dunno if there's anything to that or not.. I tend to think it has more to do with the individuals involved.

I've got a very bright 2 year old who just can't be bothered with going potty right now. I talk to him about it & he understands the concept, but it's just not important to him yet, and I'm fine with that. I'd like to wait til summer actually, when he can be outside more in just t shirts and undies or shorts, and let him experience the discomfort of wetting his clothes. I know he'll get it eventually.

But also, I'm planning to homeschool, so I don't have a deadline like some of y'all do...

homeofmew · Apr 23, 2009

try to give him water and 10-20 minutes later take him to the potty/ or training potty.
When it happens the first time there is something that usually clicks that he's suppose to be doing that. granted it may take more than 1 time.

gracechick · Apr 23, 2009

That's a good trick. I hadn't heard of that one.
We are now planning to take dd to the store and let her pick out her "big girl" panties. I hope this works as I'm done with the diaper/pull up thing.

Linnis · May 8, 2009

I remind him to tell me but normally I just take him. Yesterday he finally connected the feeling and grabbed himself and I'm like that means you have to go to the toilet. Let's go. He peed on the toilet. It's a start.

How do you get a 2.5 year old to tell you he needs to go?

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