How do you deal with it?

That's nice to hear, Bigun. Sounds like you were very loving toward her.

I've been praying how to respond to your post, especially since you haven't asked for further advice. I have tried to think what would have been good for me to hear at the same stage in my marriage. I won't say much, other than I believe you were right to confront her and hold her accountable for her actions. Would she have been pleased if you had done the same thing, staying out all night?

If you continue to have similar issues, counseling is needed, especially if she is trying to have a controlling presence as her Mother did. Early in my marriage when I realized there was a problem, I found a counsellor and arranged an appointment. At the last minute, my DW refused to go. The counseling serviced advised me to go myself, but I felt it was something we should work on together. If I could do it all over again, I WOULD go by myself. Not as an admission of guilt, but for help in dealing with the relationship.

I pray for you, Bigun. Your DW needs help to learn what a relationship can and should be, rather than what she grew up with. No offense intended.

Praying for your wisdom and patience, and praying your DW would open her heart to God's love and yours.

Wayne

Bigun

The only advice I can give you is to remember that it is not up to you to change your DW, you only have responsibility to change yourself as God directs you.

I know it is hard to bite your tongue and not react when your faith is under fire, but you need to hunker down, take the knocks and try to show Christ's love to her.

And yes I do know that is not as easy to do as it is to write.

Praying for you Brother.

Pete

Bigun said:

How do you deal with it?

The sarcasm...
The swearing...
The depression...

The constant barrage of things that your spouse does that brings you down.

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To tell you that I was strong these times would be absolutely false! I cried! I was a big baby! My DH would find it funny to see me cry, it hurt so bad but now I dont deal with it that way, I do what I have to do as a wife and I get on christian forums but he now complains about the time that I spend on the computer so when he says to get off I go down in prayer, when I first get on my knees I feel a little sad but when I come up I feel rejuvenated. Prayer works, constant communication with GOD!

pete56 said:

Bigun

The only advice I can give you is to remember that it is not up to you to change your DW, you only have responsibility to change yourself as God directs you.

I know it is hard to bite your tongue and not react when your faith is under fire, but you need to hunker down, take the knocks and try to show Christ's love to her.

And yes I do know that is not as easy to do as it is to write.

Praying for you Brother.

Pete

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Pete you can say that again, it is a lot easier to write than to do. Last week my DH was using so much profanity that I could not take it anymore. I told him that it had to stop, that before we got married he didnt do it why was he doing it now..... he said my sisters curse around you and what do you do, I said I pray for them so he said why cant you just pray for me, I said because you are my husband and you live here with me its a difference and plus we have the girls to think about. But I have been quiet for a few days and no profanity thank God, please keep praying for us.

Bigun said:

I kept her locked out of the house by simply removing the battery from the automatic lock. When she came back home the first time she left, I made a note to start using the key myself and have her use the keyfob or keypad to open the door. So by simply removing the battery, she can't come in.

At any rate, she stayed with her friend, and the next morning I told her to come home so we could talk. When she came home we hugged for about 7 minutes. We both missed each other terribly. I then began to tell her that she didn't do what we had discussed and that I was very upset with her.

The oddest and most ironic part of it all was that her feet here filthy, from wearing open toed shoes on a dirty floor. I carried her into the bathroom, stopped up the tub, and washed her feet. I didn't even think about the signifigance of it until I was done.

Other things from her times at clubs (rumours and whatnot) are springing up, I now have the nerveracking task of asking around and playing "judge" to figure out if these rumours are true or not. At any rate, I asked her if dancing at clubs was worth the turmoil our marriage is getting put through, she said "no".

Maybe God will get through to her yet.

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To hear stories from men about their DW has helped me a great deal although I wish with all my heart that I could take the pain away from you guys living with someone that is not a christian is so hard. You want to do what is right and they continue to do everything the wrong way and they wonder things are not going their way! I want to scream Try God! Try God's WAY! IT'S THE ONLY WAY! I pray that everything turns around for you and that God pours healing balm on your wounds and that you are strong through it all. God Bless You!