How can you tell if somone wants to be more than friends?

Stanfi · Sep 19, 2003

Here is the scenario. You are talking to someone. Well actually exchanging email. You return their email so, that you are not rude to them (They are nice to you, and you don't want to hurt their feelings by being a jerk). You can't decide if the other person is exchaning email just to be friendly or they are wanting to persue a relationship. What would be some good indications as to the other person's true intent?

DaveKerwin · Sep 19, 2003

If they say "I want to marry you" that is a dead giveaway.

Sometimes women are just friendly, other times they are flirty. It really depends.

the_man · Sep 19, 2003

DaveKerwin said:
If they say "I want to marry you" that is a dead giveaway.

Naw, I usually need more proof...

Seriously tho, I am a strong advocate of NOT reading too much into email. It's one of the worst forms of communication, especially in a 'relationship' capacity. Tone of voice and body language cannot be communicated via email and that is how what is actually meant is being communicated.

OrderMySteps · Sep 20, 2003

If they want to persue something deeper they will eventually say so. just give it time and see what develops.

LifeInYou · Sep 20, 2003

mrstace said:
Here is the scenario. You are talking to someone. Well actually exchanging email. You return their email so, that you are not rude to them (They are nice to you, and you don't want to hurt their feelings by being a jerk). You can't decide if the other person is exchaning email just to be friendly or they are wanting to persue a relationship. What would be some good indications as to the other person's true intent?

E-mail me the email, I'll tell ya if she likes you.

beetlequeendiva · Sep 20, 2003

Hey - email me the email also, I am quite great at getting people together and working out when a girl likes a guy.

What I'm not good at is deciding whether a guy likes me or not. There is this guy, who is extremely flirty with me and i am flirty back but I can't tell whether it is fun flirty or I fancy you flirty. Anyone got any opinion???
Also is flirting wrong?

Grommit · Sep 20, 2003

beetlequeendiva said:
Anyone got any opinion???

Yeah... Quit flirting! Go do your homework and quiet time! You'll end up breaking that guys heart. I would think the best thing to do is to AVOID doing it if you are not sure what their, or your, intentions are. That way no one gets hurt. We all go home happy.

Oh wait... forgot to say, yeah... you can flirt with me though. It will just be for kicks. No obligations.

Grommit · Sep 20, 2003

mrstace said:
Here is the scenario. You are talking to someone. Well actually exchanging email. You return their email so, that you are not rude to them (They are nice to you, and you don't want to hurt their feelings by being a jerk). You can't decide if the other person is exchaning email just to be friendly or they are wanting to persue a relationship. What would be some good indications as to the other person's true intent?

Wow, Mr. Stance! So... who is she??? Do you think fondly of her as well??? WE DEMAND MORE DETAILS!!!

beetlequeendiva · Sep 20, 2003

Grommit said:
Yeah... Quit flirting! Go do your homework and quiet time! You'll end up breaking that guys heart. I would think the best thing to do is to AVOID doing it if you are not sure what their, or your, intentions are. That way no one gets hurt. We all go home happy.

Oh wait... forgot to say, yeah... you can flirt with me though. It will just be for kicks. No obligations.

Oooh quit flirting? It is actually really hard to not flirt when someone is flirting with you!!! How will I end up breaking the guys heart???? I have no intentions at the moment, just to wait and see how it goes.

I can flirt with you though? what if I break your heart???

Grommit · Sep 20, 2003

beetlequeendiva said:
Oooh quit flirting? It is actually really hard to not flirt when someone is flirting with you!!! How will I end up breaking the guys heart???? I have no intentions at the moment, just to wait and see how it goes.

You may not care. To you it may be a game. Who knows about him? Maybe he's getting his hopes up high. Then what? Are you two going to get together?

I can flirt with you though?

Dear... It has already begun! Send me a PM and I promise you will not regret it.

what if I break your heart???

It's already broken... no harm done. Maybe you can mend my broken heart? No?

Hmmm... can't wait to see how this one goes...

beetlequeendiva · Sep 20, 2003

Grommit said:
You may not care. To you it may be a game. Who knows about him? Maybe he's getting his hopes up high. Then what? Are you two going to get together?

Dear... It has already begun! Send me a PM and I promise you will not regret it.

It's already broken... no harm done. Maybe you can mend my broken heart? No?

Hmmm... can't wait to see how this one goes...

I do care for him and I do not intend to break his heart. I am not that kind of person. I honestly don't know if we are going to get together, I have no idea.

So the flirting has already begun..... why don't you PM me and I may reply....

Maybe I can mend your broken heart..... we'll just have to wait and see. Hnnnn can't wait to see how this one goes either......

Stanfi · Sep 20, 2003

Wow, this thread has been going..and going.

I think that the point is clear that it is easy to break someone's heart and not intend on doing so. Thus the reason for handling these situations carefully. I agree, email is very bad!! You can think a person means something one way, and they actually do another. I think that it is easy to build up feelings for someone when talking to them by email, because even though you are not talking face to face, you still end up sharing details about your life with someone, and it can become easy for that other person to start to care about you.

Okay let's say you have not heard from this person in a week, and you receive and email that says "Hi. I haven't heard from you in a little while and just wanted to say hello." Then goes on to tell you about their plans, and ask how you are and da di dah.

LifeInYou · Sep 20, 2003

mrstace said:
Okay let's say you have not heard from this person in a week, and you receive and email that says "Hi. I haven't heard from you in a little while and just wanted to say hello." Then goes on to tell you about their plans, and ask how you are and da di dah.

Sounds casual to me.....

And grommit and beetlequeen......GET A ROOM!

Katty · Sep 20, 2003

teehee geez... Grommit and BeetleQueen... hehe... but yah, i've been in this situation too... and I'm not all that sure of what to do now too... *sigh* drama drama drama....

~katty~

ukok · Sep 20, 2003

mrstace said:
What would be some good indications as to the other person's true intent?

Ask her! Just come right out and ask her how she feel's about your friendship/relationship. Internet relationships can be so difficult to interpret. There is so much that can be misunderstood. Signals can be misinterpretted. The internet can't exude warmth and passion, it can't ever convey completely what a persons true feelings are. And even if it could, you still don't really know the person that you have this internet relationship with.

It's easy to build up a picture of what you think someone is like...but how accurate is that picture going to be. I think you should talk in real time. And share as much information as possible. If you dated in 'real time' you would have a good idea fairly early on of whether or not you felt that she was 'the one' or whether you could envision a future with 'her' in it, with emails and instant messages etc, you just don't have that option.

I applaud you, i don't know if i could do it, but then, sometimes things happen because they are meant to be. Pray about this, allow God to guide you through this. If it's His will for you to be together, you'll know eventually.

beetlequeendiva · Sep 20, 2003

hehe loved the get a room bit - very amusing

flirting can hurt people, i agree with that because i've been hurt by it. although it's really hard not to flirt when a guy is flirting with you.

wvmtnkid · Sep 20, 2003

As it has been stated, signals that males and females give out to each other regarding like and dislike are hard to read through a computer screen. It may be that this young woman just missed chatting with you and wanted to see how you were doing. But, it could also mean that she sees more or would like to see more to your relationship and is really saying "Hey, don't forget about me." It appears that before long, you will have to figure out how you feel. Now maybe you already know this, I don't know. And before long, this will have to be communicated to this young woman. And my friend ukok is right, you just may very well have to ask her how she feels. I know you may be groaning at the thought of this. But, in order to try to make sure both of you are on the same page, communication about your feelings will have to happen sometime. Whether you want to keep it at just friends or take it beyond that, you really need to make sure you are both at the same place. If you are not, someone is going to end up getting hurt.

ukok · Sep 21, 2003

wvmtnkid said:
As it has been stated, signals that males and females give out to each other regarding like and dislike are hard to read through a computer screen. It may be that this young woman just missed chatting with you and wanted to see how you were doing. But, it could also mean that she sees more or would like to see more to your relationship and is really saying "Hey, don't forget about me." It appears that before long, you will have to figure out how you feel. Now maybe you already know this, I don't know. And before long, this will have to be communicated to this young woman. And my friend ukok is right, you just may very well have to ask her how she feels. I know you may be groaning at the thought of this. But, in order to try to make sure both of you are on the same page, communication about your feelings will have to happen sometime. Whether you want to keep it at just friends or take it beyond that, you really need to make sure you are both at the same place. If you are not, someone is going to end up getting hurt.

Excellent advice, as usual wvmtnkid!

I forgot to mention something before.

Don't leave it too long. people in 'real time' have a habit of asking one another out. If you feel that this person is special to you, or that you care for her enough to want to form a deeper relationship, then don't wait for her to be asked out by someone else.

Stanfi · Sep 21, 2003

ukok said:
Excellent advice, as usual wvmtnkid!

I forgot to mention something before.

Don't leave it too long. people in 'real time' have a habit of asking one another out. If you feel that this person is special to you, or that you care for her enough to want to form a deeper relationship, then don't wait for her to be asked out by someone else.

Thanks. At this point I'm not really interested in going out. Also, this is someone that I do know in "real time". I have just be communicating with her by email recently. I actually go to church with her parents. A while back I had started a thread about needing to aplogize to someone, and this is a continuation of that situation. I should have given more information before hand.

desi · Sep 21, 2003

mrstace said:
Thanks. At this point I'm not really interested in going out. Also, this is someone that I do know in "real time". I have just be communicating with her by email recently. I actually go to church with her parents. A while back I had started a thread about needing to aplogize to someone, and this is a continuation of that situation. I should have given more information before hand.

You cannot dodge destiny mrstance. The more you fight it the more it entrances you. Its like the idea has slowly evolved from a thought to a collection of thoughts to a new paradigm in your thoughts. Something you couldn't resist even if you wanted to. So, let yourself embrace what is yours and begin anew.

How can you tell if somone wants to be more than friends?

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