HOCD, Trans-OCD, Doubtng God's Existance

Hello,
For the past month, my life has gone down hill and it has become unbelievably terrible. I was raised a Christian and loved every second of it with a great child hood. About a month ago HOCD started and I couldn't eat or sleep for a week. I worked up the couage to tell my Mum who was originally supportive but got quickly annoyed.
After 3 weeks of HOCD, I moved past it onto trans ocd which in my opinion was much worse. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror or hear my own voice without having a panic attack. I haven't been properly diagnosed but it seems like it and I have showed symptoms of ocd when I was younger.
It has now moved on to doubting whether God is real and is so much worse. i had a really strong faith which got me through the past ocd themes because I out my trust in Him. Now I'm not even sure he is real is horrible because I had God as number one in my life, but what happens if I was trusting something that wasn't real. I really want to love God and I want to be Christian. It is getting harder to see myself living a Christian lifestyle and trusting him in the future. It feels like this will never end. It has made me so unhappy recently and I can't see myself getting better. I have lost my motivation to do well in school and also to be a good person. I'm wondering why do good things if God doesn't exist or what's wrong with being bad. Even though I question I want to be good, but why? It's been affecting my sleeping again and if the thought of God not existing comes up I wake up and panic. I want to believe in God again, but why can't I? I realised that the previous ocd themes have been related to not wanting to sin or going to hell. I'm sacred I'm going to become a bad person and hurt others now as well. I also fear going to hell and being evil. The trans-ocd is coming back as well and now there's no way to stop it. Before I wanted to die because I knew I would see God, but now I'm not sure what happens after I die. I wish I could fall asleep and not wake up. My mum said its okay to fall away from God but then I would commit the unpardonable sin and never be able to come back to God. Someone please help me. I'm going insane and I don't know what to do and I want to be happy again. I'm seeing my youth pastor about this and I'm going to talk to someone else in the church in a few days as well.

Thanks a lot for the help ,
What does treatment do to help this and how will it affect me?

I've looked up erp but it doesn't seem like exposing myself more to things it going to help. There aren't triggers that panic me, it's an ongoing worry.

I'm scared I'm going to want to become a man one day even though I don't want to. And I'm also scared of how sad people get when they are trans. I got over HOCD to get this.

TOCD has come back to hit me like a bus. I've started feeling weird again and sometimes I think I'm in a mans body. I've been reading posts about TOCD for a few hours now and it feels like it's getting worse. Some say they just realise they were trans when they were my age and it scares me. I haven't finished puberty so I fear things might still change or I'm just realising it now. I've always loved being a girl and a tomboy but now my mind is saying none of that is true.

Thanks. When I write them down, the thoughts are obviously fake, but as it goes through my head it seems so real. This has been the best advice probably so far.