Hi Jim. welcome to the recovery forums.
21 yrs! that is great to hear! I got 2 yrs so far and a whole lot more to go.
again, welcome.
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Hey everybody -- Jim, Alcoholic -- I have been sober 21 yrs. as of 9-15-06. Been going thru some tough times emotionally - deaths in the family- but I don't feel like drinking. Just in search of fellowship. Hang in there - when you feel like you're slipping, just tie a knot in your rope and come back here.
Not at AA meeting so thought I'd drop in here. Feels good, warm, home for the weary.
I haven't called my friend yet to say I won't be attending that party. I just can't. I'm not dumb enough to think that I wouldn't drink. Having a tough evening and know that being around booze would be the stupidest thing I've done in a long time. I know she's gonna be upset...but...unless you've been where we've been...you truly can not understand.
Wendy
Hi there Ms. B~Hi there Ms. Wendy!
Her 1st reaction was sarcasm...then I sat down and said "Lin, at this point and time in my life, I just don't trust myself. You may not understand... but as a friend, I would appreciate it if you would try to see it from my view" She just smiled and nodded. She's an LPN so she's seen the devastating results of alcohol.I hope your friend will not take it personally that you chose not to attend, but even if she does she'll get over it.
Just yesterday...because I've been hiding my smokes from my son (he tends to 'borrow' from my packI know we can't escape alcohol but we know ourselves and what we can and can't handle. Yesterday, I was cleaning out the refridgerator and found a beer, (my husband drinks) and it was very tempting to me sitting there. I thought about it. Ofcourse, I KNOW I can't drink just one. I'd be in the grip of my disease if I touch the stuff, and I DO NOT want to go backward. This morning on Good Morning America Robin Willaims was talking about his addiction and he had 20 years of sobriety and went back, so it can happen. I hope to guard myself from the 'first' drink to avoid that.
Hey Lion of God,
What do you think of the 'quotes'...not so bad, eh?
I guess I had a pretty good teacher
Wendy
Last night after a 'ick' day of dealing with two selfish teens and a few other things (great way to spend a day off) I cracked open the non-alcohlilc wine I had bought some time ago...I did really enjoy sipping it. It did not lead me to want a real one.....
Wendy
hey all. just been doin a lot of thinkin and observin and questioning and wonderin and re-thinkin and re-thinkin some more and tryin to figger out things and thinkin some more and.......
just some deep personal things that I am not sure what to think - its positive I think - and a past that alcohol/drugs had a very negative effect on and how I percieved someone that use to be close to me then and how I perceive that someone now. gonna stop at this point but it can be amazing when the cloud and fog of being under an ainfluence is lifted and you can see soemone differently and you wonder about the change you see in them when in reality its the change in you that allows you to see them bascially as they are the first time although you have known them for over 16 yrs.
but as with this other person, I been seeing the same in me, what I was and who I am becoming and where I think I want to go/be.
For so many years I would say I am a dad or a son or a brother or a Sergeant (Army) or whatever but those were just titles for who I really was - an alcoholic and addict. I functioned as a dad or a son or a brother or a Sergeant but my world was the booze and the drugs (not just pot either...) and it shaped/framed who I was and what I was for the most part.
Clear as mud? For me, it defined who I was as a person - an addict and an alcoholic that lived for the next drunk or high. My personality and thoughts were based/funcitoned/acted IAW on this priority.
Now, the influence of the physical is gone from my system and the mental/pysycological desire/need is under a day by day control but with the strength and support that I have in my walk, I am able to see who and what I am or becoming. Its like seeing someone new. Folks ask or talk about who I really am and I tell them I really dont know but I am learning.
bear with me - just writing down thoughts as they been accumalating up some.
I wonder if I would become or discover that I am this or that but in some manner I am who I always been (mostly the "good" that we have in us) and my likes/dislikes have changed and are ever changing I am finding out.
Kind alike being in a coma for years and then one day, I am awake and discovering I am a person that is seeking his own defining.
ran out of thoughts at this moment. may post more later.
Just wanted to post in an area that would understand (I know there are other ones too) I have just heard that a special dear friend has ended her own life.
My heart aches...and I know...I must go back to meetings, cause the pain is ..........
Wendy
Just wanted to post in an area that would understand (I know there are other ones too) I have just heard that a special dear friend has ended her own life.
My heart aches...and I know...I must go back to meetings, cause the pain is ..........
Wendy
I'm sorry to hear that Wendy. It's such a tragedy when one becomes hopeless. I've felt that way, so my heart goes out.
As for the meetings, I need to go more often as well. I am starting to slip back into that depression and I hate to think of what could happen if I don't protect myself by doing what I KNOW I have to do. It's so hard having this disease. I just hate it. I talked to my sponsor last week about some of my issues, I seem to be sadder since. Sometimes, I hate myself so much, I 'feel' like I shouldn't be here (progress wise) I SHOULD be so much farther and I blame myself for not trying harder. Anyway, I know what to do, and that's the problem ACTION. I've always been lazy and now there are no excuses, oh well....sorry to have gotten off on that tangent.
Have a nice day
Blessings,
B~
Thank you ~B~I'm sorry to hear that Wendy. It's such a tragedy when one becomes hopeless. I've felt that way, so my heart goes out.
Sometimes, I don't know if it's the alcoholism or the depression thing??? Maybe both???As for the meetings, I need to go more often as well. I am starting to slip back into that depression and I hate to think of what could happen if I don't protect myself by doing what I KNOW I have to do.
I can SOOOOOOOO relate Sister!It's so hard having this disease. I just hate it.
Let me count the times I've thought that!!! One day I'm thinking...wow I've come a long way...the next time it's ... what the heck...I'm ONLY here??!!!??Sometimes, I hate myself so much, I 'feel' like I shouldn't be here (progress wise) I SHOULD be so much farther and I blame myself for not trying harder.
I seem to chose the things I want to be 'lazy' about. I think I use a 'nicer' word to excuse myself. I am trying to learn from your honesty.Anyway, I know what to do, and that's the problem ACTION. I've always been lazy and now there are no excuses,
~B....LIKE NORM SAID!!!oh well....sorry to have gotten off on that tangent.
I am so sorry to hear this. If you need to "talk", you got my PM. you will be in my thoughts.
(or maybe I don't want to)
Wendy
Maybe pick up a 24 Hour chip so as to admit to the slip(s)? Fear of admitting it will often have a bearing on one's willingness to go back.
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