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mandy43

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hello,
i have been struggling with my eating disorders (a & b)for about three years now, lately the things in my life have been really wieghing down on me. Me and my boyfriend broke up on Wednesday, i got in a huge fight with my best friend and i have no relationship at all with my mom and dad..... all of these events have made me even more upset. I hate being like this because when im upset or had a bad day a force myself to run to the bathroom... and now i think that this is way to much for me to handle... i sick of saying i have to go to the bathroom all the time, when i dont. i'm sick of telling my friends i already ate before i came and im sick of lying to myself. i know that this is wrong and i know that this isnt what God wants for me, when im having one of my moments i try to ready my bible. lately i've been reading the same thing. God wants us to love our body and to treat it as our temple and use it to honour him, but for some reason i cant make myself stop... it's getting so bad and im getting so good at hiding it and i really need help... i have told no one execpt CF and i'm hoping that whoever reads this may help me in some way... please im open to any suggestions.....

mandy!!!
 
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meh

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Mandy, you've made the first step, which is admitting you have a problem and telling someone. That took a lot of courage. I would urge you to now get help in real life from a doctor, a pastor or another adult you trust. And in all things, go to God. My thoughts are with you.
 
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mandy43

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thank you so much for your support and encouraging words... it really means alot, today my best friend in the world found out, i was so upset but he's making me get help and he's making me tell someone, he told me that the worst thing he can do is to do nothing... i really love him for it!!! thanks sooo much in helping me with my long hard struggle to recovery

mandy
 
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meh

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I am so glad you told your friend, mandy! He is showing how much he truly cares for you. What a blessing. We are here to encourage one another. I know your struggle, as do many here. We will be here for you. God bless you.
 
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xXMeant2LiveXx

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Hey hunni,

look are you willing to get help, because for anyone to help, you need to make the first step.
I suggest you go to a counsellor, its completely confidential...go to your doctors and tell them your problem
It was hard for me, but i did it..
Take someone you trust..
Hope i helped, but please do something or tell someone close you trust...
I'm really sorry about you and your boyfriend, its hard, i know, i've been there..you just want someway to hold onto something, to take control of your life...
hang in there hun
take care hun
tell me how things go
*hugs*
 
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mandy43

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hey there it's me again mandy

today i was unable to go to school because of how tired my body and mind has become... (im in the 11th grade) sometimes i get so scared because once i think i'm doing so good and i think i can beat this i end up getting really sick and exausted and sleeping all day... my parents have no idea why i stayed home today i just told them i felt sick.... i have now thought about telling an adult but i just cant i really can not tell anyone i want to beat this on my own.... and maybe with God's help i can really beat this....

thanks
mandy
 
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mandy43

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after today of not being at school my friend (the one who found out about my problem) is threating to tell the concilours at our school and he wants to tell my parents... i dont know if this is because he wants to help me!!!! what am i saying i know this is because he wants to help me ......i dont know what to do im so scared... deep inside me i know this is the right thing to do but theres no way on earth that i can... tell them whats going on... they wouldn't understand... also one of the concilours is our coach for the track and field team... which i have been on for 3 years now... i dont know what they will think of me i dont want them to know,..!!! i just want to sleep forever and hope that someday it will all go away..... please Lord Jesus why does this have to be....................??????????



mandy
 
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mandy43

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hey there...

things still aren't going as great as they could be right now... i haven't talked to my friend since our arguement... but as far as my ED's have been going... i believe they have gotten a little better... but hit a plateau...maybe a good thing??? i hope this plateau will last.... and get me better.... today has been alright with my eating... and im begining to feel better... execpt for a few bad headaches today... (which i usually have all the time)

i just need to ask a question... am i wrong to fight with my best friend thats trying to help me??? is this normal to not want help at first???

when me and him had our fight he said that he wont talk to me until i get a grip on life and to pull myself together...............is this true do i need to get a grip???

please help.... i dont like the feeling of going through this without my best friends support.... i feel so alone...

mandy
........
 
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meh

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Hi mandy Yes. It is normal to have mixed feelings about getting better. You've been using your ED for some reason- control, comfort, whatever. It's hard to let go of these things.

It is also normal to be angry when someone confronts you. The ED doesn't want help. That's when you have to keep telling yourself that you are worth getting better, you are worth attention and help.

I wouldn't say you are wrong to fight him. I know when I was younger I was a drug addict. At first when my cousin told on me, I was really mad. But her telling on me was her saving my life. I realized that when I got better. When you truly love someone, you do some hard things. And that can mean taking the chance they will get angry if you tell them the truth.

It's okay to be frustrated, mandy. We all struggle. Seek comfort and knowledge in God. He will certainly help you in this struggle. Please be gentle with yourself.
 
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mandy43

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thank you, meh for all of your help and support. CF is the one place where i can come to talk to people about what im going through and where people understand... i dont know where i would be with out this website and i dont know where i'd be with out all the encouragement i've recieved!

i this time i'm trying to keep my ED's undercontrol...(it is the hardest thing im my life) and pray everyday and many times a day that God will help me with this stuggle and maybe at some point if i am not getting better i think i will be ready to ask someone for some professional help... i know i need it but i need to want it...

i will keep eveyone posted..with how things are going... but most of all i need prayers... i dont want to be like this... i'm way to young i'm only sixteen and i dont want to hurt myself any longer!!! i have my whole life ahead of me and with the Lord's help i will live all those years happy and healthy

thanks soooooooo much everyone here has made such an impact on my life!!!!

Mandy
 
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mandy43

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it's mandy here again...

i'm really starting to think that my future is looking up...thank You Jesus!!! and i hope it stays this way forever, thats why... today i started looking at what kind of treatment there is out there... (just out of curiousity... ) because i dont want to go back to where i once was with my ED's... and i realize now that i really want help...i took a look at the websites that are linked to CF like remuda ranch and stuff... i think that if i were to admit myself to a treatment facilty i really would want one close to home... (not in arizona [although it looks amazing] im from the south west coast of canada!!!) i've been looking for some in canada and even better in BC but i've had no luck... i really dont want my eating disorders to get to the point of going to a treatment center but... i really think i want help... i'm at my all-time best right now and im eating again!!! (today i went out for sushi with some of my best girlfriends) i think that Jesus has played a huge part and He has given me the biggest boost and let me understand that i am better then this and that i do deserve help!!!

THANKS
please pray that i keep this up!!! i've never felt so good!!!

mandy

ps. if anyone has been to any treatment centers let me know!!! and also if you can recommend any to me that would be SWEET!!! THANKS!!!
 
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meh

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(((Mandy)))

I really don't know much about treatment centers. I'm sure there are some really good ones, though. I'm so glad that you are feeling good. Praise God! And I'm also glad you're feeling that you want to get help. My theory is we can never get enough help- not from doctors, friends, or Jesus.

I'm praying for you, sweetheart. Keep us posted.
 
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mandy43

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hey again!!!

i'm really sorry that this thread has turned into a journal or blog... i just realized this now... and i wasn't suppsed to tell my day to day stuff i guess thats what the thread rules are... so sorry!

I'll just use this to ask questions i guess... i dont really have any...

well i do have one does anyone know about just as i where to open this thread i see that there is an envolope, is was blue and now its orange.... does anyone know what this means???

mandy

PS. i know im not allowed to say this but... i went on an awesome bike ride today by myself it was awesome and relaxing... it really gave me a chance to think!
i rode to this beautiful beach and im telling you there was not a single person out there and it was so beautiful!!!
 
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mandy43

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hey, wow its been a while...

ive been kind of hesitant to come here just because i wanted to hide from this whole subject. i am doing very well, God has helped me alot these past few days ive found peace with Him right now... i have found peace with myself and my body. i still have soooo many thoughts about going to where i once was but for some reason i keep getting brought to where i am... I know Jesus wants to see me happy and thats what keeps me going...

I believe the only thing that is making me want to go back to where i once was... is help i think its because i want help. its a crazy thing... Jesus has this all planned out i know...

ive had alot of time to think about the desicons i was making and ive been praying about them and im almost better i truly belive that im almost better...

does anyone know, when you know that you are better... is this possible?

thanks
mandy

ps does anyone know why the envelope on this thread is orange in stead of blue???
 
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