help. *SU*

iamarock said:

who knows if this is the right place to post? i dont know im just kind of desperate now..things have got so so bad and i dont see how it can ever get better. ive lost hope in everything. everything is pointless im just existing, not living at all. an acheivement is getting up in the morning and managing to leave the house. or a day without self injury. and its just getting worse all the time. im 19. seems like a stupid age to die. of course i dont want to and what faith i have left tells me its wrong..the only thing im sorry to say that is making me open to reconsideration is the thought of what it would do to the very few people who might actually care. im such a horrible person for thinking of this and i know i dont deserve help but i just dont know what to do anymore. sorry.

Click to expand...

Hi fellow sufferer

I know where you are, been there myself as well. For me it passed and I past by the killing fields. Thank God who alone gives life - He perserved my own.
PLEASE CONSIDER THIS, IT WILL PASS, YOUR MOOD I MEAN, IT WILL PASS. SEEK HELP AND WAIT TILL IT PASSES.

That The God of Life May Guide Your Life.

Gerry

you're not horrible ... i know how it feels, honestly. i've been there and ended up in hospital. i know how it feels when one part of you screams it wants to die, and the little faith you have says to keep trying.

keep talking to us though... do you know why you feel this way?

do you see a councellor/psych? have you considered it?

we are all here for you,
take care, keep being strong,
caity xxox

I've been where you are. I had a date set for my final attempt at suicide - my 18th birthday. I didn't have any hope for life, everything was pointless, and I hated myself so much. So I can really understand where you are coming from. I am also a cutter.

You say

of course i dont want to and what faith i have left tells me its wrong..

Click to expand...

. If you don't want to die, then why kill yourself? There is a lack of logic there that worries me. Suicide is a much more painful thing than it seems to be in the hole where you are now. It hurts people beyond reckoning.

Psalm 62:5 - "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him." To put it poetically, you're a troubled soul. We all are who are here in this forum. Depression is an illness that is so hard to fight against. But life really is worth it, sweetie. I promise. It may seem so very dark down where you are, it may seem hopeless and pointless, it may seem that there is no hope left ... but there is always hope. Hope is found in the Lord, your Abba - your Daddy. He loves you so very much, and His heart is breaking to see you in such a place where you are willing to die because you no longer find joy in His creation.

Joy is found in Him. And I've rediscovered it, but only after having had many different meds and therapies and treatments that have given me back hope for my life. I knew that He existed but before, when I was extremely suicidal, I thought that He didn't really care for me. But He does. And He cares for you. So very, very much more than we can even imagine.

Don't you think that if He didn't want you in the world, then He has enough power that He could take you out of it, instead of making you do all the work? Suicide is not the right way out. I promise you this.

My main question to you for right this instant is ... have you sought treatment? For depression, for the self injury? Have you let anyone know how you are feeling? Please, please do this. Whether by letter, email, phone, or in person, let someone in your own life know. Whether it's a pastor or a school counselor (if you're in uni then there should be counselors there), a parent or a trusted friend ... let someone know. Because I don't want to see you go down this path. You want help, otherwise you would not have posted. You need help. No one deserves to be in the place where you are.

Praying for you, my dear.

iamarock said:

who knows if this is the right place to post? i dont know im just kind of desperate now..things have got so so bad and i dont see how it can ever get better. ive lost hope in everything. everything is pointless im just existing, not living at all. an acheivement is getting up in the morning and managing to leave the house. or a day without self injury. and its just getting worse all the time. im 19. seems like a stupid age to die. of course i dont want to and what faith i have left tells me its wrong..the only thing im sorry to say that is making me open to reconsideration is the thought of what it would do to the very few people who might actually care. im such a horrible person for thinking of this and i know i dont deserve help but i just dont know what to do anymore. sorry.

Click to expand...

I feel the same way but keep on going by taking it day by day and keeping my faith in God.

What do you mean, "it's not fair on anyone"?

If you want me to quote another Bible verse at you ... let me see if I can find it. *digs up Bible* Aha - Galatians 6:2 - "Bear one another's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ." There is another verse - Romans 15:1 I believe - that also speaks of the strong helping carry the burdens and weaknesses of the weak.

It's our job to help people, sweetie. People want to know when you're having a rough time. I don't know if you attend a church, or what your relationship is with the pastor there, but I believe that this would be a wise place to start asking for help if you have no one closer to you to whom you would feel okay asking for help.

We aren't meant to walk the road of suffering by ourselves. Yes, God is with us, always, but we're also meant to seek out the companionship of other believers. And through this companionship we find strength in our struggles.

I know it's terribly hard to see that God loves you from where you are now.

When I was there, in that dark place, it felt either like life was a cruel joke and that God was cruel, or that He just didn't really care, or that I was meant to be hurting the way I was hurting.
All those bad things about God that I've just typed are LIES. Told by the Deceiver himself.

I know there are many Bible verses that I could quote to you, about how God is love and how He loves His children ... but let me tell you, from personal experience, that it really is true. I wish I could help you see it, but please try to believe me. At least entertain the thought. You're so precious to Him. You're valuable. And He doesn't want you to give up your life, because things will get better.

Now, I bet you didn't believe that last statement.
I didn't either.
But with help ... as long as you don't go at this by yourself, as long as you don't allow yourself to give in to those thoughts, and do what you know is right (i.e. seek help) even if you really don't want to and don't see the point - things can turn completely around. I promise.

I hope that some of this has helped. If you ever need to talk, I'm here.

iamarock said:

who knows if this is the right place to post? i dont know im just kind of desperate now..things have got so so bad and i dont see how it can ever get better. ive lost hope in everything. everything is pointless im just existing, not living at all. an acheivement is getting up in the morning and managing to leave the house. or a day without self injury. and its just getting worse all the time. im 19. seems like a stupid age to die. of course i dont want to and what faith i have left tells me its wrong..the only thing im sorry to say that is making me open to reconsideration is the thought of what it would do to the very few people who might actually care. im such a horrible person for thinking of this and i know i dont deserve help but i just dont know what to do anymore. sorry.

Click to expand...

who knows if this is the right place to post? i dont know im just kind of desperate now..things have got so so bad and i dont see how it can ever get better.

Click to expand...

It can get better, because you have known a better time! Most of your life was not like this. And this is not a permanent condition! No matter how overwhelming it seems, your life has been much more than this, and will be again someday.

ive lost hope in everything. everything is pointless im just existing, not living at all. an acheivement is getting up in the morning and managing to leave the house. or a day without self injury. and its just getting worse all the time. im 19. seems like a stupid age to die. of course i dont want to and what faith i have left tells me its wrong..the only thing im sorry to say that is making me open to reconsideration is the thought of what it would do to the very few people who might actually care.

Click to expand...

That is the problem with severe depression... your thoughts decieve you. You say there is no hope, everything is pointless... but you know in a way that cannot be deceived the people you love still matter. They love you, and you them; love yourself as they love you.

im such a horrible person for thinking of this

Click to expand...

You're not a horrible person. You're just human. Wandering thoughts and emotions enter all of our minds.

and i know i dont deserve help but i just dont know what to do anymore. sorry.

Click to expand...

You do deserve help. You are a human being. That alone qualifies you, no matter what. You deserve help, happiness, and freedom from suffering equally as any other human being.

Most of your life was happier than this. And most of your life still will be. But you need to get help, and end this dark phase. Those people who love you, who you love enough not to hurt-- your suffering alone hurts them too.

You're pretty much at rock bottom right now, judging from your post. You can only really go in one direction from here and still be alive -- up. Get help, and every day from this one will start getting better.

I don't know who i'd tell and its really not fair on anyone so..no. theres more to it than that i guess and its not like i wasnt trying to work up to telling someone but i just cant. not strong enough it seems.

Click to expand...

Tell the people who love you, and tell them you need help but don't know where to go. Call a local hospital or look in a phone book. You do have free health care in the UK, do you not?

And it is fair to them. More than fair. Doctors train their entire lives to help other people who are suffering like you. If people never sought them out, what value would their training have? They want to help you. They have dedicated their lives to training to help you. Helping you puts food on their table and provides for their family. It is quite fair to them to get help.

And you are strong enough. You had the courage to post this. You have the courage to keep going, in spite of your pain. You have the courage to endure pain so as to not cause those you love to suffer.

Well, yes, there's some anxiety in getting help. But it's unfounded. The outcome, I guarantee you, isn't going to be one where you are judged or criticized, but loved and helped, and your life will start getting better. There is no need to feel awkward about it. The people you talk to will care, it is their job and passion to, they are talking to you because they made themselves available to do it.

So, make that call now. What do you have to lose? Nothing. What do you have to gain? Everything. And not just for you, but for the people you love. Make the decision that every day after today will be better. But it comes down to you, making a choice to act. What will you choose?