hi guys i'm new here....
I have been dating the most wonderful boy on the planet for about a year now. Before that, we had both liked each other, but got to know each other as friends in groups situations and such. He is the most godly guy I have ever met, and our entire christian school feels humbled by how much he loves God. So do I!!!! He treats me with such kindness, and sometimes I just feel unworthy to be with him. I was homeschooled for most of my life until high school, when I met him in Dec. of our sophmore year. He comes from a family history of amazing Christians, and he never stops reading his bible! He's also very athletic, and plays hockey extremely well (he's a goalie) and is an amateur bicyclist (think Lance Armstrong).
Now, I tell you all this in complete honesty: we have never even kissed, and we are looked up to at our school as a godly example of dating (we are both on the student leadership team at school...a select group of seniors). But, I have always felt/known that his parents HATE me. I and just can't figure out why. It's like they feel I have to be perfect or something. We are both each other's first boyfriend/girlfriend....we took it slow, then picked up the pace around December of this year. His family is blended: both of his parents were divorced, then got married to each other. His sister had a baby out of wedlock, and his other sister doesn't live at home anymore because she is at prep school in New England for hockey. So it's just him at home now...
In all honesty, I have a reputation as a "good christian girl", and I have never so much as gotten a speeding ticket! The only thing his parents have against me were a couple of times where we would be on a date, and we would get home perhaps 15 minutes late. His parents never punished him: it seemed to them that it was always MY fault, even though I we both stayed an extra 15 minutes at Steak-and-Shake, or whereever. Neither of us have cell phones, so we couldn't call and tell them we would be late. My parents and his parents absolutely freaked out the first time he got me home literally 10 minutes later than my curfew. And then the stories began to invent themselves.
All of a sudden, my mom started talking to his mom about OUR relationship. Bad idea. They both basically gossiped about us and our faults over 5 times on the phone. Now my boyfriend was always very open with his mom, but since I came into his life, he devoted so much time and attention to me that he didn't just sit and talk with her for hours.
Here's some other things: I NEVER get invited to go to their house. Ever. My boyfriend's family seems just weird. He comes over here all the time and we play the piano, or watch a movie, or whatever. But I have probably only been actually invited to his house a grand total of 3 times out of the 50 times we have gone on dates.
I fear that to them, I am some wicked Proverbs 31 woman who wants to seduce their son to the ways of wickedness or something. Nothing could be further from the truth! Just because their son starting talking to them less and less, they assumed I was being deceitful and telling him to not say anything to his parents, when I never ever did such a thing.
Also, he is a very talented hockey goalie who eventually wants to turn pro. I went to every single one of his hockey games that I could. His dad is from Canada, and played Juniors hockey, so that's why my boyfriend plays hockey. I enjoyed his games so much: watching him do what he was good at! He plays for the school team, and also for a double AA minor league team. When I went to the games, I would normally just sit there and intently observe. His dad would constantly yell things at the ref, quite rudely and loudly. Now, I didn't mind this much. And at first, his mom was friendly to me. But all of that started to change when his minor league team started to go on a losing streak. As the odds happened, every single game that I went to, my boyfriend performed badly. Every single game. His parents got quieter and quieter. I didn't realize what they thought was happening until my mom brought it up on the way home from the rink one day. They thought I was making him lose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cried so hard. Then I decided the only way to make them happy would be to not watch and support him during the games. Remember, I would always just sit there and watch. I never once screamed or distracted him. I just sat there. So, at that point, I began to realize that they hated me because everytime something bad happened, they would blame it on me. It was almost unreal: it was always one of those "it's not what it looks like situations" that they would see me in.
My boyfriend has expressed his frustration with his parents ultra-controlling almost as much as I have. My parents have always been loving and protective: there rule is "unless you give us a reason to punish you, we won't do it. We will give you the benefit of the doubt". His parents had been living in some dreamworld where they thought their son would always be their "perfect" child. Then, when the first girl he ever cared enough about came along and he started devoting time and attention to me, they got jealous. From the beginning, he told me that they wanted him to have "friendship" dating relationships with girls. In other words, nothing too deep: just hookup/breakup deals where you can like lots of people and then dump them. I have been brought up in the exact opposite way. I have always dreamed of having one steady boyfriend...and as it turns out, that the type of person he is. He is faithful, true, completely honest (he couldn't tell a lie even if he tried)....but he is "in like" with me and consequently, he is a 17 year old that has discovered girls!!! I still don't think his parents believe this, but my theory is that they wish their son had never met me in the first place.
"It could have been any girl". That's a quote by my boyfriend. Basically, my point is, there's just so much tension between his parents and I that I feel like I just can't take it anymore!!! I only get to see him on weekends, only for a few hours, because I believe that his parents want him to see as little of me as possible. It's like they're slowly trying to break up this beautiful relationship that God has blessed us both with!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what to do because I just feel so sick and sad inside that I just feel like having a pity party. He has actually been grounded (conveniently) for two weeks recently for calling me when his mom didn't know he was calling me! It's like they're looking for excuses to keep him away from me.
Just last night, we had a "hot date".....at his GRANDPARENTS house! It was our first date in over 2 weeks. His grandparents have a piano, so we played on it, then started the movie "South Pacific". Not exactly usual for two teens, but then again, I told you we were different! More like, trying to be perfect....but we can't! And that's what his parents expect. When we found out the movie was going to take a while longer, he called his parents and asked to finish the movie. As he called, I could only hear my boyfriend's end of the conversation. And, it was confirmed that we had till 11:45. As it turns out, the movie went a mere ten minutes past that. Since we didn't want to wake his grandparents up by talking on the phone that was right outside their bedroom door, we just watched the rest of the movie and then we sped back to my house where he dropped me off. Then, about ten minutes after he had headed toward home (he lives 15 minutes away), his dad calls our house at 12:15 in the MORNING and demands to my dad, "WHERE'S MY SON???" My dad calmly explained that my boyfriend had dropped me off 10 minutes earlier. My boyfriend's dad then barked into the phone, "He's grounded for the next WEEK from talking to her." and then he hung up. I was scared out of my mind. I never knew things would get this bad. The last time I was at his house, his dad conveniently avoided me. It was all to obvious, even though my boyfriend tried to assuage my fears.
His sister is back from prep school, and this whole past week, he has been spending time with her. It's been hard because usually we saw each other at school everyday, but this past week I only saw him ONCE! and it's summer, too! It's like his parents don't want him to have a life. They want to keep us apart, whatever way they can. So now, it's sunday and I haven't gotten an e-mail, im, or phone call from him and i'm so worried I feel like throwing up. The stress is getting to be too much for me to handle. I love him. But I keep on getting the vibes that his parents wish I had never been born. We had even made plans ahead of time to see a movie with his sister (whom I'm eager to get to know) and his best friend. Now all those plans are shattered....and once again I am probably taking the punishment for communication problems between him and his parents. And now MY parents are mad at me because they are starting to get frustrated at how fragile my nerves have been over the past few months. I'm scared of his dad now, even though I didn't used to be.
NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES, OR WHAT HAPPENS BETWEEN HIS PARENTS, THE BLAME ALWAYS FALLS ON ME AND I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I CAN'T BREAK UP WITH HIM BECAUSE IT WOULD KILL ME. But even in the past, when he was grounded for two weeks from calling me, I even went to extra mile to suck up to his parents by instituting a 'no-talk-at-school' rule. That's right. For a whole 2 weeks the only thing we said to each other was "hi" and "bye". I had hoped that his mom would realize how much I desperately just wanted to please her that I even went the extra mile, just to appease her. I hope she got the message. But now, I don't know what's going on because I haven't heard anything and I'm dying inside. I couldn't even go to church today because I felt so sad and sick. I care about him more than anyone, and I couldn't bear to go through another ridiculous grounding again! It is punishing ME for something that happened between him and his parents.
PLEASE HELP. Sorry this post was so long.
I have been dating the most wonderful boy on the planet for about a year now. Before that, we had both liked each other, but got to know each other as friends in groups situations and such. He is the most godly guy I have ever met, and our entire christian school feels humbled by how much he loves God. So do I!!!! He treats me with such kindness, and sometimes I just feel unworthy to be with him. I was homeschooled for most of my life until high school, when I met him in Dec. of our sophmore year. He comes from a family history of amazing Christians, and he never stops reading his bible! He's also very athletic, and plays hockey extremely well (he's a goalie) and is an amateur bicyclist (think Lance Armstrong).
Now, I tell you all this in complete honesty: we have never even kissed, and we are looked up to at our school as a godly example of dating (we are both on the student leadership team at school...a select group of seniors). But, I have always felt/known that his parents HATE me. I and just can't figure out why. It's like they feel I have to be perfect or something. We are both each other's first boyfriend/girlfriend....we took it slow, then picked up the pace around December of this year. His family is blended: both of his parents were divorced, then got married to each other. His sister had a baby out of wedlock, and his other sister doesn't live at home anymore because she is at prep school in New England for hockey. So it's just him at home now...
In all honesty, I have a reputation as a "good christian girl", and I have never so much as gotten a speeding ticket! The only thing his parents have against me were a couple of times where we would be on a date, and we would get home perhaps 15 minutes late. His parents never punished him: it seemed to them that it was always MY fault, even though I we both stayed an extra 15 minutes at Steak-and-Shake, or whereever. Neither of us have cell phones, so we couldn't call and tell them we would be late. My parents and his parents absolutely freaked out the first time he got me home literally 10 minutes later than my curfew. And then the stories began to invent themselves.
All of a sudden, my mom started talking to his mom about OUR relationship. Bad idea. They both basically gossiped about us and our faults over 5 times on the phone. Now my boyfriend was always very open with his mom, but since I came into his life, he devoted so much time and attention to me that he didn't just sit and talk with her for hours.
Here's some other things: I NEVER get invited to go to their house. Ever. My boyfriend's family seems just weird. He comes over here all the time and we play the piano, or watch a movie, or whatever. But I have probably only been actually invited to his house a grand total of 3 times out of the 50 times we have gone on dates.
I fear that to them, I am some wicked Proverbs 31 woman who wants to seduce their son to the ways of wickedness or something. Nothing could be further from the truth! Just because their son starting talking to them less and less, they assumed I was being deceitful and telling him to not say anything to his parents, when I never ever did such a thing.
Also, he is a very talented hockey goalie who eventually wants to turn pro. I went to every single one of his hockey games that I could. His dad is from Canada, and played Juniors hockey, so that's why my boyfriend plays hockey. I enjoyed his games so much: watching him do what he was good at! He plays for the school team, and also for a double AA minor league team. When I went to the games, I would normally just sit there and intently observe. His dad would constantly yell things at the ref, quite rudely and loudly. Now, I didn't mind this much. And at first, his mom was friendly to me. But all of that started to change when his minor league team started to go on a losing streak. As the odds happened, every single game that I went to, my boyfriend performed badly. Every single game. His parents got quieter and quieter. I didn't realize what they thought was happening until my mom brought it up on the way home from the rink one day. They thought I was making him lose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cried so hard. Then I decided the only way to make them happy would be to not watch and support him during the games. Remember, I would always just sit there and watch. I never once screamed or distracted him. I just sat there. So, at that point, I began to realize that they hated me because everytime something bad happened, they would blame it on me. It was almost unreal: it was always one of those "it's not what it looks like situations" that they would see me in.
My boyfriend has expressed his frustration with his parents ultra-controlling almost as much as I have. My parents have always been loving and protective: there rule is "unless you give us a reason to punish you, we won't do it. We will give you the benefit of the doubt". His parents had been living in some dreamworld where they thought their son would always be their "perfect" child. Then, when the first girl he ever cared enough about came along and he started devoting time and attention to me, they got jealous. From the beginning, he told me that they wanted him to have "friendship" dating relationships with girls. In other words, nothing too deep: just hookup/breakup deals where you can like lots of people and then dump them. I have been brought up in the exact opposite way. I have always dreamed of having one steady boyfriend...and as it turns out, that the type of person he is. He is faithful, true, completely honest (he couldn't tell a lie even if he tried)....but he is "in like" with me and consequently, he is a 17 year old that has discovered girls!!! I still don't think his parents believe this, but my theory is that they wish their son had never met me in the first place.
"It could have been any girl". That's a quote by my boyfriend. Basically, my point is, there's just so much tension between his parents and I that I feel like I just can't take it anymore!!! I only get to see him on weekends, only for a few hours, because I believe that his parents want him to see as little of me as possible. It's like they're slowly trying to break up this beautiful relationship that God has blessed us both with!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what to do because I just feel so sick and sad inside that I just feel like having a pity party. He has actually been grounded (conveniently) for two weeks recently for calling me when his mom didn't know he was calling me! It's like they're looking for excuses to keep him away from me.
Just last night, we had a "hot date".....at his GRANDPARENTS house! It was our first date in over 2 weeks. His grandparents have a piano, so we played on it, then started the movie "South Pacific". Not exactly usual for two teens, but then again, I told you we were different! More like, trying to be perfect....but we can't! And that's what his parents expect. When we found out the movie was going to take a while longer, he called his parents and asked to finish the movie. As he called, I could only hear my boyfriend's end of the conversation. And, it was confirmed that we had till 11:45. As it turns out, the movie went a mere ten minutes past that. Since we didn't want to wake his grandparents up by talking on the phone that was right outside their bedroom door, we just watched the rest of the movie and then we sped back to my house where he dropped me off. Then, about ten minutes after he had headed toward home (he lives 15 minutes away), his dad calls our house at 12:15 in the MORNING and demands to my dad, "WHERE'S MY SON???" My dad calmly explained that my boyfriend had dropped me off 10 minutes earlier. My boyfriend's dad then barked into the phone, "He's grounded for the next WEEK from talking to her." and then he hung up. I was scared out of my mind. I never knew things would get this bad. The last time I was at his house, his dad conveniently avoided me. It was all to obvious, even though my boyfriend tried to assuage my fears.
His sister is back from prep school, and this whole past week, he has been spending time with her. It's been hard because usually we saw each other at school everyday, but this past week I only saw him ONCE! and it's summer, too! It's like his parents don't want him to have a life. They want to keep us apart, whatever way they can. So now, it's sunday and I haven't gotten an e-mail, im, or phone call from him and i'm so worried I feel like throwing up. The stress is getting to be too much for me to handle. I love him. But I keep on getting the vibes that his parents wish I had never been born. We had even made plans ahead of time to see a movie with his sister (whom I'm eager to get to know) and his best friend. Now all those plans are shattered....and once again I am probably taking the punishment for communication problems between him and his parents. And now MY parents are mad at me because they are starting to get frustrated at how fragile my nerves have been over the past few months. I'm scared of his dad now, even though I didn't used to be.
NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES, OR WHAT HAPPENS BETWEEN HIS PARENTS, THE BLAME ALWAYS FALLS ON ME AND I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I CAN'T BREAK UP WITH HIM BECAUSE IT WOULD KILL ME. But even in the past, when he was grounded for two weeks from calling me, I even went to extra mile to suck up to his parents by instituting a 'no-talk-at-school' rule. That's right. For a whole 2 weeks the only thing we said to each other was "hi" and "bye". I had hoped that his mom would realize how much I desperately just wanted to please her that I even went the extra mile, just to appease her. I hope she got the message. But now, I don't know what's going on because I haven't heard anything and I'm dying inside. I couldn't even go to church today because I felt so sad and sick. I care about him more than anyone, and I couldn't bear to go through another ridiculous grounding again! It is punishing ME for something that happened between him and his parents.
PLEASE HELP. Sorry this post was so long.