HELP! I think she's falling...

You can plant the seed about Jesus and how much he loves her and wants the best for her. I think sending her the link is a good idea.

Thanks Ruth. Do you think its a good idea to let her know that I know about the nude photo workshop, or just send her the link to Treasures?

I don't know. I wouldn't know what to do about that. But I think I would just send her the link. That is just my opinion.

I'm still contemplating whether or not to send her the link to Harmony's book. Frankly, I don't think my niece will "get it". I don't think she'll understand that this is to help her, or that she could relate to the book at all.

She doesn't see herself as the same as a "stripper". She's better than that... she's a "model". She isn't in debt and she's not in an abusive relationship. She's not doing this out of desperation, she's doing it because she wants to. She likes the admiring eyes on her and she likes to brag to her friends that she's a model and show off her sexy pictures. Its all an ego thing for her, and this is where I'm stumped as to how to get through to her.

I'm just a prude in her eyes. If I was more progressive and "cool", I wouldn't have a problem with it in her opinion.

Maybe I should just look the other way and wait for the other shoe to drop some day?

Hmmmm....that's a tough one. I was hoping that something in Harmony's writing would trigger something she could relate to- maybe not.

I will keep both you and her in prayer.

I'm afraid that not at this point will my niece even get the connection.

The tough part is that she actually wants to be doing this. Its not something she has to do for financial reasons or otherwise. She's not forced into this situation due to extreme circumstances. She's doing this voluntarily or for perhaps minimal pay and a whole lot of objectifying. She doesn't see anything wrong with that.

My fear is that she will end up in the wrong place at the wrong time and get hurt. I also fear what this type of work is going to do to her self-worth in the long run. I fear that she could get pulled further and further into this industry and end up going hard core. That this will lead to substance abuse and much more.

However, she's just not at that point yet. She doesn't see it, thinks she's in control, she knows what she's doing. She thinks its harmless, and tasteful, not raunchy or dirty. There just isn't much more I can do but pray...

What is the most upsetting to me is that I have watched her grow from an infant until today. I know a lot of her past has to do with this empty hole she is trying to fill. I don't even know a lot of details from her past, but from what I do know, this behavior makes sense. She won't see the connection though, not yet, its just too soon and she can't see the forest for the trees...

Ugh, the plot thickens... Not only was this trip a photo workshop for students, it was also a cover model contest with a grand prize of $3000.

The voting on the winning shot is not yet open, but I viewed some reviews of last years calender (this is the third year that this photographer has done this event) some guys made some rather crude and demeaning comments about some of the models.

So, now there is a financial motive after all, but I still don't think its her major motivation for doing this. So distressing...

Sending her a link to the book is planting a seed in her mind. The seed will be there no matter how long it takes for her to let it grow. I'm sorry she is worrying you so much. I am praying for you and her. God bless you for caring so much about someone who is ruining her life.

I get so angry that I was just tempted to send her the link to her photographer's website announcing the "nude photo workshop" and the calender model contest. I just want her to know, that I know. I don't want her to think I'm threatening her however, so I won't do that. I just don't understand how she can expect to keep this a secret. I was able to unravel the mystery relatively quickly and easily just by following clues on her facebook page!

Heck, she even posted the name and location of the "clothing optional" resort she was staying at on fb! Maybe she isn't trying to keep this stuff a secret?

I think I will send her the link to the book. I may make her scratch her head at first, but you're right, it could plant a seed.

DeviantArt.com is full of students, amateurs, and the occasional good artist. Having an account there does not make one a serious artist/photographer by any stretch of the imagination. There was even a to-do on there a while back about how a well-known porn site was scamming photographers from DeviantArt, just trying to get their start. They're not all bad apples, but there are plenty of them there.

I am not an expert on her psychology by any stretch, but she deserves to know the whole truth of what she's going into. I would link her to the website, but I am a blunt person and I'm not really in any sort of outreach to sex industry people specifically.

Elliemare said:

I get so angry that I was just tempted to send her the link to her photographer's website announcing the "nude photo workshop" and the calender model contest. I just want her to know, that I know. I don't want her to think I'm threatening her however, so I won't do that. I just don't understand how she can expect to keep this a secret. I was able to unravel the mystery relatively quickly and easily just by following clues on her facebook page!

Heck, she even posted the name and location of the "clothing optional" resort she was staying at on fb! Maybe she isn't trying to keep this stuff a secret?

I think I will send her the link to the book. I may make her scratch her head at first, but you're right, it could plant a seed.

Click to expand...

I'm very doubtful that doing anything out of anger will be helpful.

The best way to help your niece is to be loving and supportive and "cool" about her choices.

What??? How can you be "cool" about her choice?

Simple. You being angry and a "bible thumper" in her mind will only drive her further away from you. However, the more you are in her life, the more exposure she gets to positive lifestyles. The more she sees great loving relationships the more she will start to want them and more she will realize that she's going about it the wrong way.

You need to persuade via example and it needs to be natural and not forced.

Imo there are two dinstinct types of Christians (as seen by non Christians)
#1 those who seem to radiate love and life and positivity and attract people to Christ like a flame attracts moths.
#2 those who wield the bible like a baseball bat and beat the sinners around them in the head with righteous fury hoping to force submission

The best way to help your niece is to be type #1.

Well, the update on my niece is that she's actually proud of her modeling jobs. Its no big secret and she's not ashamed.

I still don't fully understand it, because all she is getting out of it is the ego boost of being objectified. She is not being paid for her modeling at all. Her photos are now all over the internet, on various websites most likely being used for others profit. She admits that she knows her pictures are turning up everywhere and anywhere... and she doesn't care.

My mother informed my niece that she knew about the nude photo shoot, calender and everything else. The kid didn't deny it or seem at all embarrassed that her grandmother knows.

I'm sure that my sister knows her daughter has been modeling nude, and due to their strained relationship, my sister has had to remain "cool" about the whole thing. My mother too, has decided to stay "cool" about it. I have kept my distance from the whole situation so I haven't been in the position where my niece even knows my feelings on the issue (but I'm sure she can guess). I'm keeping at arms length right now for my own well being. I can't let this get me too stressed, there is only so much that I can do.

My niece did tell her mother recently that she felt suicidal. My sister's only reaction was that if her daughter is able to admit that she's suicidal and recognize it, she most likely won't go through with it... That was her only reaction.

The kid's posts on fb (which I have removed from my daily newsfeed so I don't have to be aggravated on an ongoing basis) are more revealing photos, cuss words, negativity, hate, anger, drinking, partying, comments about her own pictures/body/sex appeal etc. 'Likes' of pages belonging to other erotic models, photographers and other sexually suggestive pages and websites.

The girl works in a bar that caters to the "party" crowd and encourages excess. Its also a meat-market type of bar and has sexy, scantily clad bar tenders and waitresses. And she poses nude... for fun and objectification. Aside from that, her life consists of partying, drinking, staying out late and trying to function on 3 hours of sleep. She has no real purpose in her life. She doesn't contribute anything positive to the world, and that has got to be in the back of her mind? Most likely why she is depressed and suicidal? She's starting to realize that her sexy bod is not the center of the universe and no matter how many people tell her she's "hot", its never going to be enough to fill the real void inside of her.

Its sad. Its scary and I don't know what to do anymore, but just pray, pray, pray.

It is sad - a young life being wasted. Being judgmental will get nowhere, but getting alongside of her a bit, and being there may prove to be valuable some time later.

There may be underlying issues driving her - abuse, conflict, some Hurt etc.

John
NZ

Praying is all you can do, unless she hits bottom.

Your neice has a lust problem. Sexuality blots out other interests.

Absolutely she is likely to end up prostituting on the road she is traveling, or wind up a female john when she is older and her looks are gone. Or both. You might get someone in the family to keep abreast of what is happening with her for you if maintaining a watch yourself is too triggering.

Hopefully when her life crashes it won't be fatal.

The latest update with my niece is that she sent both of her parents (who are divorced) a very disrespectful, distasteful and blasphemous picture of what was supposed to be Jesus as their Easter greeting from their daughter.

Both parents were disgusted and very angry with her, but my niece doesn't seem to care. Lately she's been pushing buttons in the "God department" with my mother too.

I really think she is trying to provoke us all into a reaction, because getting someone to react in any way, positive or negative, makes her feel important to some degree.

I really think she desperately wants someone to reach out and try to save her. The kid's mother is just trying to be the "cool" mom and be BFF's instead of a mother to her adult child. The kid wants a Mom, not a friend!

Anyway, no matter what anyone says or does, we will just be pushed away by my niece. She won't want to hear it from us. She wants us to try, she wants us to attempt to rescue her, but she will only resist and rebel to create drama.

I've realized that she has a terrible void that she wants someone to fill. She expects some human being to be able to show her some real love and sacrifice that will make her feel whole. I know that the only human who has sacrificed enough to fill that void in her is Jesus. Only His blood will make her whole again. She has to come to that realization on her own though. No amount of talking from anyone will be heard by her at this time anyway.

Back to praying... fervently.

Some more developments with my niece. I found her stage name online. She's got a blog, a live chat page and three portfolios under three different names on a modeling site. If I google her stage name, all sorts of stuff pops up... its bad.

Her photos have gotten more and more explicit. Some pics even contain men. One pic, she's naked in a dog cage. She is trying to convince herself, and she is being convinced by those in the industry, that what she is doing is "erotic art" not porn. Apparently she had a bad experience on a photo shoot recently with an inappropriate photographer who solicited her for sex and even manhandled her. She blogged about it on her page. She seems to think that if she keeps using the word "erotic" and giving erotica some pretty, artistic definition, that it makes it okay. She also thinks that if she posts disclaimers about her boundaries and that she's strictly professional and demands respect, that these people are actually going to adhere to that?

She's going on shoots all alone. Meeting with strangers in big cities all alone. Apparently she is getting some paying jobs, but I imagine with the travel costs (which she pays) she's barely breaking even, so what's the point? Its back to that sickness again, that need to be lusted after, accepted and objectified.

I don't think there is anything I can do at all. She's an adult and these are her choices. She's proud of this work right now and thinks she is an up and coming star. This is what she wants.