Hello, I'm a loner :P

Hello, I was raised in a Christian home and was baptized at age 13. I'm a loner that doesn't go outside unless I have to (like for church, college, buy food, etc) and I tend to spend most of my time collecting and archiving things in blogs or youtube playlists. I collect information relating to my narrow interests which sometimes vary, but generally they relate to things like history, internet trends, science, health/pharmachology, theology, and anything relating to Christianity. I'm actually studying a legal-related major in college, which adds on another subject to my list of interests. I was diagnosed recently with ADD and my psychotherapist thinks I might even have Aspergers (which would explain my narrow interests and why it's hard to make friends). It's like I'm a posterboy for an "aspie with severe ADD" LOL.

Let me tell you a story about my life haha...

People say my life is interesting because of all the moving (I'll explain later), but they don't even know the half of it, haha. My dad's from Peru and his family is over there. My mom's family is from Puerto Rico and she never really met them, the only living relatives she has contact with are a brother and a sister that live miles apart from eachother. She also happens to have schizoeffective disorder. I was born with kallmann syndrome and I'm an only child because she had her tubes tied.

Now there interesting part about moving alot:
I was conceived in the state of Maine, born in Florida, and raised in New York. I grew up in the Pelham bay area of the Bronx during the 90s. I started middle school in Georgia, finished it in Pennsylvania, and then went on the high school. Then I lived in New Jersey for a few months and after that I lived Queens New York where I graduated from high school. I still lived with my parents while attending college in New York and we had to move because we were behind in rent, so we returned to Pennsylvania because it's cheaper to live there.

Now I mention all this to show how complex my life has been. What I didn't mention is how I've struggled with ADD, being addicted to some videogames or certain TV shows, but then eventually God intervened by making my favorite show and game cease to exist! haha...

Now I still struggle and I find it hard to remember to pray in the morning to set my plans before God and let him be in control... sometimes I walk around forgetting He's there.

vanillakay said:

Welcome brother! very interesting story you have.It's ok no eons perfect and we can't exspect to be. we all have bad days were we Ignore God and forget hes there, but he has ways of reminding us too!

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For me it's not that really the "bad days" that I end up forgetting God's there, it tends to be all the time. I'm reminded all the time of God because I still live with my dad who will always prays before going anywhere and of course, pray before meals. If I were on my own, the thought wouldn't cross my mind, in fact my mind is often never really even thinking of the present moment, it's always in a hurry trying to get everything over with. I tend to rush through things as if on auto-pilot and I rarely take the time to really enjoy everyday things.

Seems like I only think about God if I'm either reminded or because I'm only obsessing about theology or apologetics. These narrow interests I obsess over tend to be the things I enjoy doing. It seems like I go through the day just to get things over with so I can get to do these things I obsess over... Although there are times where my obsessions tend to be more anxiety related (such as health), but at times it can also be out of mere curiosity as well. This sort of like how now I'm worrying about how God isn't always on my mind (which inevitably will remind me of God anyway). However, sometimes I do like to look into theology and answer questions on Yahoo Answers for example..

Another side note is, I'm not really into music. While I enjoy having Christian music playing in the background, music isn't something I really spend much time actually listening to. If I do, it's one of those "spur of the moment" situations where a song gets stuck in my head and I want to find the lyrics.

I also feel a bit spiritually handicapped because I find it hard to really share my faith, mostly because I find it hard to really relate to people in a meaningful way. By meaningful, I mean something that would really leave an impact in their life (at least I'm not aware of that happening). I think part of the reason I have problems sharing my faith is a fear that no one's going to listen to me, but at the same time perhaps it's because I "don't go out much" to make friends and actually reach out for people to share my faith with...