Let me first start by saying that this is a great thing. I hope this is the place that helps me in life. I will post a letter I wrote today that will pretty much explain me and where I am.
"I am not sure if writing you will actually help me, but I feel that I am at wits end. I have believed in God and Jesus since I was about 12 years old. I did not follow him and listen to him for a lot of the time growing up, but I knew he existed. I came to a point in my life where I was doing drugs and wandering aimlessly through life. I met my wife (she became my wife later) and we started dating. I decided that for her and our relationship, that I would quit doing drugs and start really becoming an adult. That was about 5 years ago. I have for the last 7 to 8 years been suffering from panic attacks related to the fear of death and the ultimate fear of going to hell. I believe that Jesus walked on the earth and that He died on the Cross for sins. What I do not believe is that I am ultimately going to heaven. I struggle with the fear of dying almost every hour of every day. It consumes my mind and my heart. The fear causes the anxiety and panic attacks to set in and snow ball from there. My wife and I attended the Alpha program, and as awesome an experience as that was, I did not come away from there knowing that the destination of soul will reside in heaven. I feel like I have asked the Lord into my heart about 20 30 times, but never knowing if I did it right, if it truly worked or if I meant it. I am so confused right now. I know I believe in Jesus and God, but I do not know if the life I am living is enough to get me into heaven. The fear of death has caused me to become a shut in. I dont enjoy life nearly as much as I used to. Sports have become a thing of the past as I am afraid of dying while playing the game. My wife and I try to walk every night, but I am always afraid my heart wont be able to take it. If I get a little headache I worry it is a tumor or cancer. I have asked God to help me to get over these fears etc but I cant. I know he works in mysterious ways, and if he had helped me previously, I would not be writing this email and whatever comes of this would not have happened. We are not members of Northview, but we are regular attendees. I just do not know where to turn or what to do. My doctor wants to put me on meds that I am afraid to take as they may cause me to die and the process continues. I am 28 years old and my life is passing me by because of all of this. I have an addiction to porn that I just cannot seem to kick and this causes battles internally all the time. I have read a lot of books and nothing seems to work. I read the bible, but I do not study it. I have asked God to help, but maybe I have done it incorrectly. I know God knows my heart, and maybe my heart is not good, even though I believe it is. I would really appreciate any advice you could give. It has been a joy listening to speak since you took over for Pastor Vern. If maybe someone else at the church is more suited to helping me you are free to forward my information onto them. Thank you in advance.
I just want to live a normal, healthy Christian life."
That is currently where I am in life. I have an excessive amount of worry in my life.... and for no real reason I think. I probably need professional help, but I am going to seek spiritual help first.
"I am not sure if writing you will actually help me, but I feel that I am at wits end. I have believed in God and Jesus since I was about 12 years old. I did not follow him and listen to him for a lot of the time growing up, but I knew he existed. I came to a point in my life where I was doing drugs and wandering aimlessly through life. I met my wife (she became my wife later) and we started dating. I decided that for her and our relationship, that I would quit doing drugs and start really becoming an adult. That was about 5 years ago. I have for the last 7 to 8 years been suffering from panic attacks related to the fear of death and the ultimate fear of going to hell. I believe that Jesus walked on the earth and that He died on the Cross for sins. What I do not believe is that I am ultimately going to heaven. I struggle with the fear of dying almost every hour of every day. It consumes my mind and my heart. The fear causes the anxiety and panic attacks to set in and snow ball from there. My wife and I attended the Alpha program, and as awesome an experience as that was, I did not come away from there knowing that the destination of soul will reside in heaven. I feel like I have asked the Lord into my heart about 20 30 times, but never knowing if I did it right, if it truly worked or if I meant it. I am so confused right now. I know I believe in Jesus and God, but I do not know if the life I am living is enough to get me into heaven. The fear of death has caused me to become a shut in. I dont enjoy life nearly as much as I used to. Sports have become a thing of the past as I am afraid of dying while playing the game. My wife and I try to walk every night, but I am always afraid my heart wont be able to take it. If I get a little headache I worry it is a tumor or cancer. I have asked God to help me to get over these fears etc but I cant. I know he works in mysterious ways, and if he had helped me previously, I would not be writing this email and whatever comes of this would not have happened. We are not members of Northview, but we are regular attendees. I just do not know where to turn or what to do. My doctor wants to put me on meds that I am afraid to take as they may cause me to die and the process continues. I am 28 years old and my life is passing me by because of all of this. I have an addiction to porn that I just cannot seem to kick and this causes battles internally all the time. I have read a lot of books and nothing seems to work. I read the bible, but I do not study it. I have asked God to help, but maybe I have done it incorrectly. I know God knows my heart, and maybe my heart is not good, even though I believe it is. I would really appreciate any advice you could give. It has been a joy listening to speak since you took over for Pastor Vern. If maybe someone else at the church is more suited to helping me you are free to forward my information onto them. Thank you in advance.
I just want to live a normal, healthy Christian life."
That is currently where I am in life. I have an excessive amount of worry in my life.... and for no real reason I think. I probably need professional help, but I am going to seek spiritual help first.