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In many ways I'm more confident, though it doesn't manifest itself in too many outward forms. For the first time in my 25 years I forgave myself, something which I've never done before and may never do again so that was an interesting experience. It's also the first time where I've looked in the mirror and felt like a man instead of a boy. That wasn't a conscious change so I'm not sure where that came from.
However, I was also hurt, betrayed, and lied to so many times this year by people I loved and cared about that my hatred for myself is at an all-time high. I've come to truly regret my existence and I feel like God must have made a mistake in putting me here because I can't seem to please anyone or make anything good last. It's a burning hatred for myself and my failures that defies words and that same man I see in the mirror also raises a hatred and anger inside of me, like I want to shake his hand and kill him at the same time. It's a weird duality but it's doable.
I still have more changes to make and I plan on completely revamping myself for 2011. I have a goal to rebuild myself from the ground up, especially in the personality department. I hope by the end of next year to be unrecognizable to myself and those around me; I feel like I'm not likable or taken seriously and that's why so many bad things happened to me this year. Hopefully changing the fundamentals of who I am will make me more attractive and more successful. We'll see!
OK so I know Jennie did a similar thread to this but I am too lazy to go find it, and also the question is slightly different. So yeah
I was reading through some old threads and was really surprised at how my old posts read. It made me realise I've become much more serious this year, and that's reflected in the way I post. I've also become less open both here and probably IRL too, a large part of which I think is not being able to talk about my faith that much.
Oh and I used to be way funnier!! :o
On the positive side I think I have gotten my priorities straighter this year, and I've become calmer and more 'real' with people because I am more confident in who I am in the Lord.
Edit: that sounds contradictory but I mean that I don't always share as much with people, but I will be more honest with them when I do share. I knew it was too late to be posting this lol.
How about you guys??
I think I've probably become a stronger person. I tend to just kinda go with the flow which means people think they can walk all over me, but I'm learning how to stand up for myself.
yeah. but you didn't expect that in a tigress
oh. and ceh. you, my friend have a wonderful sense of humour
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