Guy Talk

~Beauty_from_Pain~ · Jul 6, 2006

What do you think about guys who, during the conversations amongst themselves, talk about women: who is hotter, what makes them hotter, compares them, what they would like to do with them...and so on and so forth.

Does your guy do this? Would you care if he did? If you're a guy-what about you? What would you do in the following situation? How would you handle it all? What's a guy's perspective on this?

Yesterday my bf was telling me that the guys he works with will talk along the lines that I mentioned. I was a bit upset because, although he said that he didn't join in the conversation, he did listen for a bit while he was there where they were.

I would think that Christian men would have more respect for women (and some other secular men as well) and that they wouldn't talk or engage in such conversations (my bf doesn't work with Christian men).

This bothers me, knowing that he is in that type of environment. I am doing my best to just let it go. He told me that he wasn't in on the conversation, but I am a little doubtful. I want to believe him and I am trying to trust him at his word. It's not always easy for me.

Chan1976 · Jul 6, 2006

My fiance would not engage in such conversations (he finds it degrading to women), and in fact do not have any good friends who do that. I know his male friends, and they're all pretty decent guys.

He doesn't go on "guys' nights out"with them anyway, and would much rather spend time with me.

As for whether I would mind.. it depends on the topics actually. If its just stuff like, "what do you like in a girl?', I would have no problems with it, but if it involves comparison of body parts and R-rated discussions about what they would like to do to so-and-so, then yes, I would mind.

If your boyfriend told you about the conversation and said that he didn't join in, he was probably telling the truth. He could have just hid it from you and said nothing, but yet he told you.

Tim114 · Jul 6, 2006

I found out this happens within most groups but less with girls.

My first girlfriend was a strange one and though the relationship started as friends of which we just 'clicked'. But as being together it just made things jumbled.

Ok to the point... On one of our ventures to the movies with her and her sister while we where discussing what to see and Lord of the Rings was our choice. Without notice her and her sister begain talking about how good Orlando Bloom looked. Although from face value I took no offence from the comments untill she grabed my hand and said "Don't worry, your still hot to!"

My first thoughts where a long the lines of "Is that more or less then Orlando?" The discriptive use of the word of 'hot' is not a very uplifting for of appreciation of who someone is in my opinion.

On the other hand I don't have a whole lot of male friends as most of the guys I know of treat girls as an item more then a person. But there are a few I also know of that don't.

Chaan Stines · Jul 6, 2006

In all honesty, I hear women having that kind of discussion about guys more than the other way around. It gets annoying having to hear about how cute Mr. Flavor-Of-The-Week is.

...butterfly... · Jul 6, 2006

Yeah hearing those conversations is annoying...

Inperfected · Jul 7, 2006

Does your guy do this? Would you care if he did? If you're a guy-what about you? What would you do in the following situation? How would you handle it all? What's a guy's perspective on this?

Well from a girls perspective who knows her fiance is around these conversations, and they involve him often, all the time, it's fine. Why? Because they are about him getting married, not him discussing me, or any other woman for that matter. it wouldn't disucss it, but tell mes about it, and hears it at work constantly. I think you have to learn to trust him... he heard it? whats the problem? He wasn't involved.

SoC · Jul 7, 2006

I would probably say something witty, questioning the intelligence of those involved in a conversation like that, then go sit in a different area then read a book or just leave.

~Beauty_from_Pain~ · Jul 7, 2006

I know that girls tend to talk about which guy is the hottest, etc...and they voice their opinions on this more than most guys do. I guess because I do not hang out with girls who talk like this I find it very distasteful to be sitting around, looking at magazines, or just talking about who is the cutest guy...unless I am talking about my bf.

Yet, it seems that guys tend to talk about inappropriate things when it is related to girls more often. I'm sure there are the groups of girls that talk about "parts" of a man or what they would like to do...etc, but I think that because of how guys are wired it occurs more frequently.

I was just curious to see how others respond to such situations if they arrive. Like, is walking away appropriate, or is it better just to not participate in the conversation but still stay there?

I was just curious as to how people would respond to things.

Tim114 · Jul 7, 2006

The male mind in majority is one of visual reference (is this a personal endevor I have trouble with). If we see it we'll most likely be able to described in detail in a conversation or have some obvious reflex to the situation - all depending on the visual content.

All in all I try and avoid this as I know I'll react to it in some fashion. It also a stereotype of society that guys are most forceful with in a this area of 'conversation' - trust a guy when he says he has avoid it for due to social exceptions it had to avoid

NOTE: If I in anyway stepped the line here tell me please. If not I hope I made some sense

littlemrs · Jul 8, 2006

I think it's incredibly demeaning and makes women seem like they are cuts of meat being compared. It's sickening, wrong, and I would be 100% offended (and livid) if my fiance talked this way.

Christian men (and ANY men) should absolutely have more respect for women than to talk in such a manner. It's horrible that most men do not care how they talk about women, and amazingly sad that a lot of women don't care, or even enjoy being talked about like that.

It's definitely not a good type of environment, but if your bf is a Christian, this could be a great witnessing opportunity for him. I believe that God puts us in places and in people's paths so that our light may shine, and it sounds as if this might be the situation for your bf.

BranwenUerchLlyr · Jul 8, 2006

Phew, I hope I don't get in trouble for this..

Men like women, and women like men. It is the way we're made. I wouldn't find talk appreciating the way a paricular woman looks or even comparison between women offensive, as long as it doesn't become vulgar. Sheesh, even my boyfriend has made passing comments to me about how "hot" some actress in a movie is, and I've most likely done the same. There is a difference between this kind of idle chatter among buddies and talk that is vulgar/offensive to the opposite sex. I'm not worried about him comparing me to other women. No matter how much better looking they are than me, my boy has chosen to be with me out of all of them anyway. =)

If I took offense to silly comments like this coming from him, maybe I should worry that it stems from my own sense insecurity rather than anything he said.

~Beauty_from_Pain~ · Jul 8, 2006

BranwenUerchLlyr said:
Phew, I hope I don't get in trouble for this..

Men like women, and women like men. It is the way we're made. I wouldn't find talk appreciating the way a paricular woman looks or even comparison between women offensive, as long as it doesn't become vulgar. Sheesh, even my boyfriend has made passing comments to me about how "hot" some actress in a movie is, and I've most likely done the same. There is a difference between this kind of idle chatter among buddies and talk that is vulgar/offensive to the opposite sex. I'm not worried about him comparing me to other women. No matter how much better looking they are than me, my boy has chosen to be with me out of all of them anyway. =)

If I took offense to silly comments like this coming from him, maybe I should worry that it stems from my own sense insecurity rather than anything he said.

Yes, but like you said, it depends on what it is. If it is vulgar, or picking a person apart body wise, then I find that wrong as a Christian. I also don't like the whole issue with guys looking at pictures of women in magazines and women looking at men. That just leaves room for lust and uncontentment in those viewing the material.

ChildOfGod20 · Jul 8, 2006

my boyfriend would never have a conversation like that...in fact, he would avoid them. and so would i. it's stupid to compare people. especially when you're with someone

Sketcher · Jul 9, 2006

I personally find it distasteful and find it easier to rip on the ugly/stupid/annoying women than to laud a woman's beauty.

SoC · Jul 10, 2006

twistedsketch said:
I personally find it distasteful and find it easier to rip on the ugly/stupid/annoying women than to laud a woman's beauty.

That's a lovely, Christian point of view. I'm sure that's exactly what Christ wants from us, to "rip on the ugly/stupid/annoying" people.

Be thankful that I don't agree with you, or I might rip on you some.

ImperialPhantom · Jul 11, 2006

Starling2003 said:
What do you think about guys who, during the conversations amongst themselves, talk about women: who is hotter, what makes them hotter, compares them, what they would like to do with them...and so on and so forth.

Does your guy do this? Would you care if he did? If you're a guy-what about you? What would you do in the following situation? How would you handle it all? What's a guy's perspective on this?

Yesterday my bf was telling me that the guys he works with will talk along the lines that I mentioned. I was a bit upset because, although he said that he didn't join in the conversation, he did listen for a bit while he was there where they were.

I would think that Christian men would have more respect for women (and some other secular men as well) and that they wouldn't talk or engage in such conversations (my bf doesn't work with Christian men).

This bothers me, knowing that he is in that type of environment. I am doing my best to just let it go. He told me that he wasn't in on the conversation, but I am a little doubtful. I want to believe him and I am trying to trust him at his word. It's not always easy for me.

I'm not sure why you were mad at him for hearing it. Being someone who works at a car dealership, which is a very testosterone-filled place, you can't escape from it when it happens, here. I don't participate when the talk gets vulgar, but if it's kept clean I have no problem with it. When I have a gf though I don't discuss who's hot or not with her unless she asks my opinion, and if she starts talking to me about her favorite celebrity crushes, she's buying herself a ticket back to singlehood.

Mr.Cheese · Jul 11, 2006

It must be a sad life if that's all someone can think to talk about.

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