Hi! I'm new to the site. Lost my husband two days before our 15th wedding anniversary. Until now I've been numb. My husband was continuously ill for the past 13 years, but always pulled through. I'm grateful that he left me with two beautiful boys, but they're not him. I feel so alone and confused. I am struggling because I don't understand. I know that God love's us, but why did he give us free will if he knew we were going to be bad to make his son suffer the way he did. In turn we have to suffer because people we love die. I know that is probably bad to think that way, but it is how I feel. I'm tired of being sad . Anybody feel that way or have worked through feeling that way?