Going downhill Trigger

PureGrace · Dec 12, 2005

Hi everyone...

I could really use some prayer. I have been getting triggered like mad these last few days, and I'm just about at my wits end...the straw that broke the camels back was actually just a good friend of mine. My excuse for being a higher weight than everyone else has always been that I am tall (5"8.5). My friend, however, is just as tall as I am, and is so much thinner and more beautiful. It sounds so trivial...but it is so triggering. Its all that is on my mind. I will (thankfully) be seeing my counselor tomorrow, so please be keeping me in your prayers...

Kate

goldenviolet · Dec 12, 2005

my heart breaks for you in this struggle prayers and blessings! and if you can, please see doctor... it might be hard at first, but it's good to have knowlegdeable support.

epitamyofthe9 · Dec 12, 2005

i dont really know what to say , exept that ill be praying for you!

PureGrace · Dec 12, 2005

Thank you...

I have seen a doctor, Golden

*possible trigger*
I ate 3 pieces of pizza tonight...and 2 brownies earlier. Its so gross. I feel sick from crying so much. I dont like feeling like this

goldenviolet · Dec 13, 2005

maybe i should have said specialist... a person who specializes in ED. anyway, what you are going through... you aren't alone. ED is such a hardship on your mind and body. learning all you can and getting support is good. learning, so you can understand why you feel the way you do, and learn ways of coping and controlling your compulsions... and support so you get plenty of love and encouragement. you can accomplish so much with knowledge.
God bless you

!!

blessedmomof5 · Dec 14, 2005

(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

Been there, and i know that awful feeling all to well...... how about next time you feel like doing that you call someone instead, or come on here and talk it out?,

I am here, and i know your pain.
Denise

bumblebee62331 · Dec 14, 2005

It's so hard but I am so glad that you are taking the steps to try to counter-act any badness that might come from these feelings, by seeing someone. That is what makes the difference.

I will be thinking of you

PureGrace · Dec 15, 2005

My mom officially threatened to place me in Remuda Ranch if I dont get better today (a ED treatment place for those of you who arent familiar with it) I am absolutely panicking. My counselor is also concidering transferring me out to someone "more ED specialized" which is understandable, but so hard to feel like I'm being given up on. I'm suddenly under so much pressure, and next week is finals week...I dont have time to be worried about this stuff Please continue to pray...

blessedmomof5 · Dec 15, 2005

Isn't remuda ranch the bibcally based treatment center? If it is start packing, i hear it a very nice place...trust me there is alot worse out there......

madison1101 · Dec 15, 2005

I am currently in a partial hospitalization program for eating disorders. I am a binge eater. While in treatment I cannot see my regular therapist, and I am missing him terribly. Some of the women in my program have been to Remuda Ranch. They report it is good.

Do not look at what is happening as someone giving up on you. When a therapist refers a client to someone else it is sometimes because of the therapist's limitations. Your therapist may feel that she is not able to help you because of her lack of skills and experience, not because of you.

In seeking help you are doing something very brave and courageous. I know. I have been in this partial hospitalization program for six weeks and it is fifteen hours a week. Plus I work full time.

Hang in there. You will learn many new skills to help you cope with your urges to use food. You will also learn what your triggers are, and how to cope with them.

Hugs,
Trish

PureGrace · Dec 17, 2005

blessedmomof5 said:
Isn't remuda ranch the bibcally based treatment center? If it is start packing, i hear it a very nice place...trust me there is alot worse out there......

Yes, its bibically based This, however, doesnt make me hate the idea of going there any less. I'm sure its a lot better than some other places...but its not my house. Its not my life that I'm used to!! I still completely panicked. I tend to get worse when I'm under pressure (ED wise) and so this is DEFINATELY not helping.

blessedmomof5 · Dec 18, 2005

Do you know that would be the only place that i would believe would help me get better, even though i am not ready, but at 42 will i ever be ready? yes it is scary, it is what you know it is safe, and yes when we are put under pressure it does get worse, thats normal, but what better place to be?
hearing Gods word daily, while trying to recover from your eating disorder? Oh how i wish i had this oppotunity....maybe this is Gods way of telling you it is time.....and you need to listen.

bumblebee62331 · Dec 18, 2005

blessedmomof5 said:
Do you know that would be the only place that i would believe would help me get better, even though i am not ready, but at 42 will i ever be ready? yes it is scary, it is what you know it is safe, and yes when we are put under pressure it does get worse, thats normal, but what better place to be?
hearing Gods word daily, while trying to recover from your eating disorder? Oh how i wish i had this oppotunity....maybe this is Gods way of telling you it is time.....and you need to listen.

Amen. I totally agree.

This is a safe place, with people who have been through the same things and are willing to try to help. It's a loving, Christian environment (well, in the ED section anyway.. )

If you don't take advantage of that, then there must be something deeper going on, you need to work out what that is to enable you to heal.

PureGrace · Dec 21, 2005

I will first me referred to an ED specialist, that will be in Jan. We see what happens after that.

I am struggling SO much. I am terrified of Christmas coming up...so much food. I saw a picture a few minutes ago of myself freshman year, at my lowest weight, and boy was it triggering to then look at the mirror. Ugh.

I saw my counselor today and it did nothing for me, which re-inforces to me that I need to be going to a specialist. She is going to give me an official referral in January, and I will also be seeing my medical doctor.

ARGH! I just want to scream. I cant stand this.

pockleberry · Dec 22, 2005

Don't completly rule out the ranch as a possibility...My youth leader tried to get me to apply for a place at mercy ministries for my depression cause one is opening in the uk in january (its only been available in the usa before) I'm saying this cause I know how scary a thought it is and when my youth leader first mentioned it I saw it as her trying to get rid of me but I can understand now that it was her trying to help me. I'm still far to terrified to apply for a place with the fear that I would get accecpted and have to leave my home, my mum doesn't want me to go anyway so that does kinda cause a problem but I am keeping it in my mind. I know that if things ever get really bad I have something that I can do in some ways its a comforting thing to have there and maybe the ranch could be something like that for you...

Music4Hym777 · Dec 22, 2005

Hey Kate,

Remuda Ranch is a lovely place. I ALMOST went there this summer. I was even to the point where I had all my intake paper work done. I had my date to go there and even had already had appointments there with the intake specialist. I didn't end up going because of the finances and insurance and everything. I was scared out of my mind. But I was ready to go as soon as the insurance allowed. Now I am doing fine and my fiance and I have visited a few places in the event of a relapse.

For you hun, I would recommend the Remuda Life Program....its a different place from the ranch and more secluded...unless you like the ranch life style. I would have preferred the ranch but I would have done the Life Program.

If you or your mom have any questions, please feel free to PM me as I know ALOT about the different places and what to look for in a place. I also might be able to recommend you to some that are closer to home...it is a scary process, but being someone that went through this all at such a young age, I do know what you are going through (I was recommended for RR when I was 14 then again at 17 and yet again at 18).

I'll keep you in my prayers!

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