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Getting scared

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roxygurl0911

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So my boyfriend and I have been together for just about 2 years now. We have gone through a lot. We were engaged about a year ago and a few months ago no longer are. We are both Christians and completely devoted to that individually and as a couple.

Lately, things had been great to the point marriage was being brought up again. Currently we have to wait until I graduate from grad school to get married. Anyways, we got into a small argument a few days ago that wasn't really much. Everything was fine afterwards. A few days later her began bringing up that he wasn't happy all the time and thinks I'm always upset, but then he seemed fine shortly after.

Yesterday, we were hanging out like we always do on Saturdays. He seemed somewhat off, and I finally got him to talk. He started with that he always that I was upset and things like that, but it finally came out that he feels we text too much and he feels as though he can't do the things he wants to do in his free time when we aren't together because he's scared he's going to make me mad. Now we do text A LOT like most of the day when we aren't at work, but I have always told him if he wants to go do whatever he wants or with his brother he can and I won't be mad. He just claims he is scared to because he doesn't want to make me mad. Now he's said we're going to work on things and see where they go. He says he still wants to be with me and wants to marry me in the future, but wants to make sure everything is right.

Now I talked to one of my friends, don't think she is a Christian really, and she told me it's a sign he's losing interest and that's what happened when her relationship ended. Before talking to her and hearing that I was feeling better, and now I'm getting scared. I guess what I'm wondering is if anyone has dealt with a situation like this before or if anyone has any advice as to what I should do because now I'm at a complete loss.
 
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emilie mayer

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I would start focusing on my relationship with the Lord and give the young man space. If you give it to the Lotd and trust that He knows whats best than if its meant to be it will happen. I to have left a relationship that has been 7 years and have given it to God. I want to live the life the Lord wants me to live. I know if the relationship is meant to be then it will happen. Focus on the Lord. He works all things out for the good of His children. God bless
 
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dayhiker

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Sorry Roxy that your going thru this.

Your GF might be right that he isn't as drawn to you as he was before and this is the start of him looking for space.

But then again, it might be that you two are texting too much and it interrupts activities when your apart. If either of you feel you have to reply to a text as soon as your receive it I'd say that isn't good. So start to pick times to text for a few minutes and then go for a couple of hours with no texts. Work at learning when and how long to text and give space when its needed.

Time will till what is going on.
 
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CounselorForChrist

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If its young love then your both trying to figure out things in your head. For example you say he thinks your always upset. This may take time because as a couple it takes awhile to learn what the other is really thinking. So for right now maybe hes just getting the wrong signals from you because he needs to know you better.

As for doing to much. For some there is a line. Some people like to talk every second of the day as a couple. Others like to have space at times and not talk constantly. My ex-gf only talked to me like 3 hours a week because she has a busy like with medical school. Where as I wanted to talk every day. She didn't.

Also your friend, she may mean well but every relationship can be different. It is true that sometimes couples get bored with each other. Not on purpose though. But usually thats later after your married for years. Ultimately what has been stated is true about time will tell. Remember in relationships there will be trials. THose trials will either strengthen you or wedge you both apart. Just give God control and it will sort itself out if its meant to be.
 
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LinkH

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Do you give him a hard time if he does something to make him upset? If not, or if so, maybe the problem is he's young and he needs to learn to be more assertive.

If he wants to make sure the relationship is right before pursuing marriage, it might not be an indication that he isn't that into you. It might be that marriage is such a big deal, for life, and it is a big deal to make that decision. Make sure before you marry him that if he marries you, he is committing for life, and he wouldn't leave just because he is unhappy. Discuss what the Bible says about marriage and divorce in passages like Matthew 5, Matthew 19, I Corinthians 7, Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, and I Peter 3.

You should ask yourself is this a man you can submit to (Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, I Peter 3) and obey (I Peter 3)? Is he going to be responsible and work to support you? Will he instruct the children you have together in the faith (Ephesians 6). If you were married, would these scriptures have any bearing on the concerns he is having about the relationship right now? I think you should discuss these topics, including your expectations of marriage in regard to topics mentioned in I Corinthians 7 before you get engaged. Also, how will money be handled? Will you be a stay at home mom? Do you both want children? How many? If he's thinking about marriage, now is the time to discuss the topic with him. The Bible tells wives if they have questions to ask their husbands at home. You can get some practice by asking him questions before you are married about these passages of scripture to see what he thinks. If you two do marry, you'll have the advantage of having thought through these topics.
 
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Lethe

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He sounds dependent.

Now we do text A LOT like most of the day when we aren't at work, but I have always told him if he wants to go do whatever he wants or with his brother he can and I won't be mad.
Click to expand...
It may take some reiteration to get him to realize this. I have some social anxiety issues that I'm working through and part of that is doing things without my wife. She has basically told me the same thing for years but I just didn't get it until recently.

You're under no obligation to fix him, and keep in mind it could take awhile.
 
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Tainted Scrolls

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As a young males perspective(and been in a lot of relationships unfortunately) if he is saying that he does not have space, I would think that is exactly what it is.

Maybe lay off the texting a bit...I would not do it completely but there is only so much REAL things you can talk about in a day and as we get older I promise you that NOBODY wants to answer to where we are and what we are doing through out our entire day. So it might help to back off a little bit.

Again, I don't know your exact situation and I don't know the personality of either one of you so it is really hard to judge. I know I have pushed a girl away by being over bearing before. Just be conscience of his feelings.
 
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